one more joke for today - GoFuckYourself.com

boris77 · 03-19-2004, 09:18 PM

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs.

So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, banged each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. ?No,? she says, ?they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn..?

boris77 · 03-19-2004, 09:31 PM

A skinny, pale and bespectacled young man enters a bar mostly frequented by women, orders a beer, and then takes a frog from his pocket. The frog is wearing a small red velvet jacket with the word 'CHAMP' emblazoned on the back. The frog proceeds to drink a small puddle of beer which the young man has carefully tipped onto the bar top.

After the second beer a small group of women have gathered to watch the frog, and a foxy redhead finally asks why he's called Champ.

"Because he's the world's greatest lover." The young man says proudly. "Nobody does it better than Champ. Nobody!"

"Bull," The redhead replies, she's been around a bit and feels she knows best. But, an hour later when no better offer has been made, and a few more drinks have made her pliable, she offers to take up the challenge.

Back at her place she disrobes and arranges herself on the bed. The young man places the frog carefully on the bed, but nothing happens. After two silent minutes he sighs, takes off his glasses, picks up the frog, looks it straight in the eyes and says, "Look, Champ! This is the last time I'm going to show you..."

myjah · 03-19-2004, 10:50 PM

well you got me grinning

Living For Today · 03-19-2004, 10:52 PM

are u a bot? u already posted that joke in the other thread.

pimplink · 03-20-2004, 01:04 AM

Funny! can't keep myself from smiling.....

attention_whore · 03-20-2004, 01:12 AM

Kinda funny....

boris77 · 03-20-2004, 06:27 AM

Three international convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The French convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Claude Monet of prison."

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The Israeli convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The Polish convict pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said. "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well, according to this, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating . . ."

mrthumbs · 03-20-2004, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by boris77
Three international convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The French convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Claude Monet of prison."

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The Israeli convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The Polish convict pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said. "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well, according to this, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating . . ."

03-19-2004, 09:18 PM	#1
boris77 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 546	one more joke for today A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, banged each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. ?No,? she says, ?they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn..?

03-19-2004, 10:50 PM	#3
myjah Back in the harbor Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 11,482	well you got me grinning __________________ VP of Marketing AVN Media Network Skype: AVNJill [email protected]

03-20-2004, 01:04 AM	#5
pimplink Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Closer than you think Posts: 9,535	Funny! can't keep myself from smiling..... __________________ Need Mainstream Content and SEO? SEO * Website Copy * Blogs Blogging - PR Work - Forum Marketing - Social Marketing - Link building - Articles 100% Guaranteed Content!

03-20-2004, 01:12 AM	#6
attention_whore Why does my mouse have brown stains? Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: CA Posts: 335	Kinda funny.... __________________ Not promoting the hottest sponsors on the net? click here to start!

03-19-2004, 09:31 PM	#2
boris77 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 546	A skinny, pale and bespectacled young man enters a bar mostly frequented by women, orders a beer, and then takes a frog from his pocket. The frog is wearing a small red velvet jacket with the word 'CHAMP' emblazoned on the back. The frog proceeds to drink a small puddle of beer which the young man has carefully tipped onto the bar top. After the second beer a small group of women have gathered to watch the frog, and a foxy redhead finally asks why he's called Champ. "Because he's the world's greatest lover." The young man says proudly. "Nobody does it better than Champ. Nobody!" "Bull," The redhead replies, she's been around a bit and feels she knows best. But, an hour later when no better offer has been made, and a few more drinks have made her pliable, she offers to take up the challenge. Back at her place she disrobes and arranges herself on the bed. The young man places the frog carefully on the bed, but nothing happens. After two silent minutes he sighs, takes off his glasses, picks up the frog, looks it straight in the eyes and says, "Look, Champ! This is the last time I'm going to show you..."

03-19-2004, 10:52 PM	#4
Living For Today Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 3,970	are u a bot? u already posted that joke in the other thread.

03-20-2004, 06:27 AM	#7
boris77 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 546	Three international convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The French convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Claude Monet of prison." Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The Israeli convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games." The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The Polish convict pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said. "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well, according to this, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating . . ."