one more joke for today
 

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs.

So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, banged each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. ?No,? she says, ?they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn..?

A skinny, pale and bespectacled young man enters a bar mostly frequented by women, orders a beer, and then takes a frog from his pocket. The frog is wearing a small red velvet jacket with the word 'CHAMP' emblazoned on the back. The frog proceeds to drink a small puddle of beer which the young man has carefully tipped onto the bar top.

After the second beer a small group of women have gathered to watch the frog, and a foxy redhead finally asks why he's called Champ.

"Because he's the world's greatest lover." The young man says proudly. "Nobody does it better than Champ. Nobody!"

"Bull," The redhead replies, she's been around a bit and feels she knows best. But, an hour later when no better offer has been made, and a few more drinks have made her pliable, she offers to take up the challenge.

Back at her place she disrobes and arranges herself on the bed. The young man places the frog carefully on the bed, but nothing happens. After two silent minutes he sighs, takes off his glasses, picks up the frog, looks it straight in the eyes and says, "Look, Champ! This is the last time I'm going to show you..."

well you got me grinning

are u a bot? u already posted that joke in the other thread.

Funny! can't keep myself from smiling.....

Kinda funny....:1orglaugh

Three international convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The French convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Claude Monet of prison."

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The Israeli convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The Polish convict pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said. "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well, according to this, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating . . ."

:1orglaugh