This is a story to tell someone when they're high.- Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Thursday, which is Good Friday, we're having a Father's Day party for mother's only. Admission is free, pay at the door, pull out a chair and sit on the floor. Late one night in the middle of the day, two dead soldiers got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, pulled out their swords and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise, got up and shot the twice dead boys. If you don't believe me, ask the blind man who saw it all, through a knothole in a wooden brick wall

greentea did you get my email?

not many to go now

thats awesome :1orglaugh

96

:1orglaugh wtf

A stoner is walking down the street when he realizes he left his lighter at his friend's house. He goes back to get it and when he gets there, his friend isn't home. So he just keeps knocking on the door and his friend comes up from behind him and says, "Hello?" The other stoner yells through the door, "You still got my lighter man!" The friend behind the stoner said, "Hold on, let me get it." He reaches in his pocket, pulls out the lighter, walks inside, shuts the door, opens the door back up, and says, "Hello?"

Damnit! Where have I heard that before?

they shall be mine!

A Cop pulls over a car full of stoners. The cop goes up to the car and the driver rolls down the window and the cop said "Congratulations! You have won two thousand dollars for wearing your seat belt!"

The driver says, "Oh, I thought you pulled me over for not having a license!"

Then the driver's girlfriend says, "Don't mind him, he's just stoned."

Then a friend in the back seat says, "I thought you pulled us over for this pound of weed over here!"

Then another friend from the back says, "I thought you pulled us for this stolen car!"

Then the cop hears someone in the trunk say, "Are we over the border yet man?"

some dreamers here or stoners

blunted

blunting

A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing.So he gathers all the necessary equipment and goes to the nearest frozen ice. About 20 feet out he cuts a hole in the ice.

"There's no fish there!" booms a voice.

The stoner shrugs and moves out another 50 feet and starts to cut another hole.

"There's no fish there, either!" booms the voice.

The stoner shouts, "Is that you God?"

"No," says the voice, "I own the ice rink!"

hahahah i am liking these

gettin closer

Three stoners rob a 7-11. They run out with the money. The cops started to chase them. They each jumped in a potato bag to try and hide. The cops catch up and kicked the first potato bag.

"BARK!" says the first stoner. The cops say, "Oh it's a dog, leave it alone."

They kicked the second potato bag. "MEOW!" says the second stoner. The cops say oh it's a cat leave it alone.

They then kicked the third potato bag. They kicked it again. And again. And again. The stoner could not think of something to say. The cops kicked it again. "POTATO!" said the stoner.

some of those jokes are pretty funny

Two stoners were driving down the street sharing a joint when all of a sudden they were pulled over by the cops. The cop walks to the car and says: "License and
registration please."

So the stoner gives him his license and the cop looks at him and says: "Can I have your name son?"

The stoner looks at him confused like and says: "Isn't it on the license?"

a blunt a day keeps the docter away

Q. Why did the pothead cross the road?
A: Because there was no other way to get back to where he came from... He couldn't even remember why he'd crossed the road in the first place. In fact, he didn't even remember, by the time he reached the center line, which direction he came from and which direction he was going, so he just stopped right there and sat down and smoked a bowl.

Q. What do you call a stoned epileptic?
A. Shake and bake.


Q. What do you call a stoner who always saves his last bowl for tomorrow?
A. A poser.


Q. What time is it when 20 lions are chasing you and 3 of your buddies?
A. Twenty after four. (Or 4:20)


Q. Why did the hippie cut his lawn?
A. To get some grass.


Q. What do a cooked bird and a stoner afraid of everything have in common?
A. They are both baked chickens.


Q. How do you get a stoner out of a room full of weed?
A. You don't!


Q. What do you call money that grows on trees?
A. Weed!


Q. What do you call an Irish stoner?
A. O'Blarney Stoned.


Q. What do you get when a creeper and reefer come together?
A. Some scary ----, man.


Q. What did the stoner do when the hippie hit him in the face.
A. The stoner said: "OUCH!"


Q. How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A. You can't, there is no such thing as smoking too much.

You know your stoner when:


You flip through ten channels on the TV before you realize you were just trying to turn up the volume.
You have the munchie food right in front of you and you forget to eat 'em
You light a cigarette and forget to smoke it.
You smoke a cigarette that's not lit.
You stare at the clock waiting for 4:20 to come, then you snap out of it and realize it was 4:31.
You have a freshly packed bowl in your hand and half an hour later you realize... You forgot to smoke it
You're on the phone with your best friend and you forget who you're talking to.
You went to the Superbowl thinking you were gonna get smoked out!

Q.What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?















A.Shit, I lost my tractor.

hahaha nice :1orglaugh

not much longer

Q.Stoners definition of desperate?






A.Pipe Resin

time to smoke this blunt roach:thumbsup

damnit...ive done most of those :winkwink:

i would never use them until my boy turned me on to dutchmasters now i am hooked!

Two blondes are getting wasted at a party.
"I think you had enough weed to smoke," one says to the other. "Your face is getting blurry!"

I have nothing to do, They're mine ;)

What do you call a pothead in a suit?










a defendant

67

A Dell employee got busted for pot in Manhattan recently.President Bush and many conservative lawmakers are surprisingly upset, as they have always pushed the view that marijuanna is a Gateway drug.

won't be long now

ill win

not much longer -- coolone you or i have to win this thing :thumbsup

pick me then i do not have o go out and buy a valentine gift

The O.J. Murder Trial" by Dr.Seuss

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!