Daddy's 10 Rulez of Dating! - GoFuckYourself.com

badmouse · 02-08-2004, 04:20 PM

*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

criss_de_tabarnac · 02-08-2004, 04:22 PM

pamphage · 02-08-2004, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by badmouse
*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]

When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

lol!

pornJester · 02-08-2004, 04:24 PM

Who here dates high school girls? (except for what's his name with the crazy bitch that posts here).

Brad Xtremepay · 02-08-2004, 04:24 PM

SO true.

pamphage · 02-08-2004, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by criss_de_tabarnac
*lame picture removed*

what the fuck is this crap?

pamphage · 02-08-2004, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by pornJester
Who here dates high school girls? (except for what's his name with the crazy bitch that posts here).

oh. lol. i was relating more to the father not the kid.

PlayGirl · 02-08-2004, 04:26 PM

were you the one that sent me this in a chain letter?

smokincash · 02-08-2004, 04:30 PM

darksoft · 02-08-2004, 04:33 PM

Welcome to over 2 years ago...

digifan · 02-08-2004, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by darksoft
Welcome to over 2 years ago...

TweetyBird · 02-08-2004, 05:57 PM

hehe

bhutocracy · 02-08-2004, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by badmouse

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

heheh.

Basic_man · 02-08-2004, 06:16 PM

Is that comming from YOUR daddy?

beemk · 02-08-2004, 06:19 PM

sounds pretty stupid

myjah · 02-08-2004, 06:50 PM

my dad's only rule of dating: "You can date when you're 35"
lol

02-08-2004, 04:20 PM	#1
badmouse Registered User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Nellyville Posts: 79	Daddy's 10 Rulez of Dating! DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING [Guys take note.] Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early" Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. __________________ <a href="http://gigacash.com/index.php?gcsid=32&gcasid=9676&gcsa=default"><img src="http://www2.gigacash.com/promos/gigacash/central/gigacash_120x60.gif"></a>

02-08-2004, 04:24 PM	#4
pornJester Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Florida Posts: 6,138	Who here dates high school girls? (except for what's his name with the crazy bitch that posts here). __________________ FreshBucks \| Webmaster Vault \| GayAW Trusted Names in Adult. ICQ 9157.3698

02-08-2004, 04:30 PM	#9
smokincash Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Where the $ will be Posts: 429	__________________ ccbill / free hosted galleries [email protected]

02-08-2004, 05:57 PM	#12
TweetyBird Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Canadian this !!! Posts: 8,532	hehe __________________ sig for sale. ICQ :338213644

02-08-2004, 06:16 PM	#14
Basic_man Programming King Pin Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Montreal Posts: 27,360	Is that comming from YOUR daddy? __________________ UUGallery Builder - automated photo/video gallery plugin for Wordpress! Stop looking! Checkout Naked Hosting, online since 1999 !

02-08-2004, 04:22 PM	#2
criss_de_tabarnac Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 21

02-08-2004, 04:24 PM	#5
Brad Xtremepay So Fucking Banned Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Canada Posts: 2,000	SO true.

02-08-2004, 04:26 PM	#8
PlayGirl Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Sin City Posts: 1,062	were you the one that sent me this in a chain letter?

02-08-2004, 04:33 PM	#10
darksoft Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: BumFuck Ohio Posts: 768	Welcome to over 2 years ago...

02-08-2004, 06:19 PM	#15
beemk CLICK HERE Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 20,829	sounds pretty stupid __________________ I host with Vacares

02-08-2004, 06:50 PM	#16
myjah Back in the harbor Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 11,482	my dad's only rule of dating: "You can date when you're 35" lol __________________ VP of Marketing AVN Media Network Skype: AVNJill [email protected]