Funniest Break up Letter EVER! - GoFuckYourself.com

Eric · 12-08-2003, 10:02 AM

Dear Terri,

I?m writing this from a lonely fishing lodge up in Montana. The past few weeks have been so empty and hollow with us not together.

I know the counselor said we shouldn?t contact each other during our ?cooling off? period, but I couldn?t wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I?d never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride?s cost me a lot of things. I?m tired of pretending I don?t miss you. I don?t care about looking bad anymore. I don?t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it?s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says? "There?s no one like you, Terri."

I look for you in the eyes & breasts of every woman I see, but they?re not you. They?re not even close. Two weeks ago I met this woman at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don?t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn?t believe and an ass like a tortoise shell and skin like baby powder rubbed on a soft inflated balloon. Every man?s dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed I thought, look at the stuff we?ve made important in our lives. It?s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I?m getting at? Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I?d never really thought of that before. I don?t know, maybe I?m growing up a little.

Later, after I?d tossed her about a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking. "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn?t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger for my bodily fluids, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn?t feel the same because you weren?t there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. My God, Terri, I?m just going crazy without you.

And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn?t eating right without a woman around. I didn?t know what she meant until later, but that?s not the real story. Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we?re fucking in our old bedroom. And this lady?s a total monster in the sack. She?s giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she?s not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother?s old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it is totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. ?Cause I can?t help thinking, "Why didn?t Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We?ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That?s the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon?s just a kid and all, but she?s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She?s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She?s given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She?s pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.)

So we?re drinking wine in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here?s this unselfish girl with the same DNA as you (although, let?s face it, she got an extra helping of the sex gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 20. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon?s really into the whole doggy style thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I?m thrusting inside the steaming Dutch oven of your sister?s hot wetness, all I can do is think of you? It?s true baby. In your heart you know it.

Don?t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you?d just try it, I wouldn?t have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri. It just tears us apart and I can?t be apart from you. In a few weeks when I am back from fishing we should do our best to meet and talk about it.

Because I love you.

Spunky · 12-08-2003, 10:03 AM

Good one

chemicaleyes · 12-08-2003, 10:05 AM

haha..

liquidmoe · 12-08-2003, 10:07 AM

oh man that nearly brought a tear to my eye

brand0n · 12-08-2003, 10:09 AM

damn man, thats poetry

Eric · 12-08-2003, 10:12 AM

It is even funnier cause it starts out normal and then moves onto all the good stuff.

maxjohan · 12-08-2003, 10:14 AM

lool , where did you find that?

Joesho · 12-08-2003, 10:15 AM

Good stuff man.....

johnbosh · 12-08-2003, 10:16 AM

Weppel · 12-08-2003, 10:16 AM

sltr · 12-08-2003, 10:32 AM

throat yogurt
hahah

beemk · 12-08-2003, 10:33 AM

hahaha, where did you get that?

a1ka1ine · 12-08-2003, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Weppel

awesome avatar :-) who are those guys?

irishfury · 12-08-2003, 10:42 AM

I wouldn't even be able to write something like that I would end up laughing to hard before it was done...

kristin · 12-08-2003, 10:44 AM

I didn't know a letter was an acceptable break up way after 3rd grade.

badmunchkin · 12-08-2003, 10:48 AM

too funny

SR · 12-08-2003, 10:49 AM

galleryseek · 12-08-2003, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kristin
I didn't know a letter was an acceptable break up way after 3rd grade.

hes not breaking up w/ her in the letter.

JFK · 12-08-2003, 10:56 AM

"Why do I feel so drained and empty?" after reading all this

Jay3 · 12-08-2003, 11:04 AM

Dear Penthouse Forum.........LOL....thats a breakup lettert?

axelcat · 12-08-2003, 11:04 AM

very funny

MaxDent · 12-08-2003, 11:06 AM

That genuinely brought tears to my eyes. Absolute poetry.

nosey · 12-08-2003, 11:07 AM

XxXotic · 12-08-2003, 11:25 AM

"But do you see how even then, when I?m thrusting inside the steaming Dutch oven of your sister?s hot wetness, all I can do is think of you?"

austinth · 12-08-2003, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eric_aka_RedEyes
It?s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I?m getting at?

LOL! Too funny!

IntenseCash · 12-08-2003, 11:38 AM

Quote:

It?s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I?m getting at?

Quote:

Originally posted by austinth

LOL! Too funny!

LOL that was my favorite part too!

and your sisters hot dutch oven I think it was. hehe how cute!

Loryn · 12-08-2003, 11:39 AM

Classic!!!

The sad thing is there are some women in this world that need a letter like that to relieve them from their insecurities and fears!!

Paul -C- · 12-08-2003, 11:43 AM

HAHAHA thats awesome!

radical · 12-08-2003, 11:50 AM

hehehehehe funny

NiTe-HaWk · 12-08-2003, 11:51 AM

That was one of the funniest things I have read in a while.

Scott McD · 12-08-2003, 11:53 AM

Pretty good !!

rip raster · 12-08-2003, 12:01 PM

That's the funniest shit, I love it

Rip

Eric · 12-08-2003, 12:13 PM

This was the letter I sent to my Ex Wife Terri a few years back.

Dusen · 12-08-2003, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eric_aka_RedEyes
This was the letter I sent to my Ex Wife Terri a few years back.

You truly are the king of kings.

JFK · 12-08-2003, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eric_aka_RedEyes
This was the letter I sent to my Ex Wife Terri a few years back.

I didnt know you were divorced , HE was such a nice Guy

ThunderBalls · 12-08-2003, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eric_aka_RedEyes
This was the letter I sent to my Ex Wife Terri a few years back.

My ex wife's name is also Terri. I was thinking of sending this letter to her as a joke but it would probably end up on some lawyers desk.

ytcracker · 12-08-2003, 12:49 PM

this is lawl

Eric · 12-08-2003, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThunderBalls

My ex wife's name is also Terri. I was thinking of sending this letter to her as a joke but it would probably end up on some lawyers desk.

Feel free. Her sister was AMAZING too!

ModelPerfect · 12-08-2003, 01:25 PM

I can empathise. Just broke up with a long-term gf and am "dating" her friend on a "friends with priviledges" level (the ex doesn't know yet). I was tempted to write something similar, but no...

I read this letter a couple weeks ago and cracked!

Ross · 12-08-2003, 01:29 PM

Thats the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I'm printing a few copies of it to show to my friends

AngEl 3 · 12-08-2003, 02:22 PM

haha
funny

)

Eric · 12-08-2003, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ModelPerfect
I can empathise. Just broke up with a long-term gf and am "dating" her friend on a "friends with priviledges" level (the ex doesn't know yet). I was tempted to write something similar, but no...

I read this letter a couple weeks ago and cracked!

WRITE THE LETTER

WRITE THE LETTER

WRITE THE LETTER!!!

cold_ice · 12-08-2003, 06:40 PM

Brad-Wishing · 12-08-2003, 06:46 PM

Ahahahaahhahaha.

12clicks · 12-08-2003, 06:52 PM

Second funniest break up letter ever:

Lensman you bitch!
I refuse to be your boy toy any longer.
this is goodbye,
Eric

Buff · 12-08-2003, 07:11 PM

Erik,

Where did you find that? I know who wrote it, but I don't what name he goes by now or where he posts anymore.

He used to go by RobotArms on AOL.

BlueDesignStudios · 12-08-2003, 07:16 PM

Hahaha LOL

Tala · 12-08-2003, 07:25 PM

This shouldn't be as hilarious as it is.

iFliPcEss · 12-09-2003, 09:15 AM

lol ha ha ha cool stuff

Odie · 12-09-2003, 09:26 AM

how funny is that??? I read something like that a while back but this one takes the cake

12-08-2003, 10:02 AM	#1
Eric Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: The Helm! Posts: 8,818	Funniest Break up Letter EVER! Dear Terri, I?m writing this from a lonely fishing lodge up in Montana. The past few weeks have been so empty and hollow with us not together. I know the counselor said we shouldn?t contact each other during our ?cooling off? period, but I couldn?t wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I?d never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride?s cost me a lot of things. I?m tired of pretending I don?t miss you. I don?t care about looking bad anymore. I don?t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it?s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says? "There?s no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes & breasts of every woman I see, but they?re not you. They?re not even close. Two weeks ago I met this woman at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don?t say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn?t believe and an ass like a tortoise shell and skin like baby powder rubbed on a soft inflated balloon. Every man?s dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed I thought, look at the stuff we?ve made important in our lives. It?s all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I?m getting at? Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I?d never really thought of that before. I don?t know, maybe I?m growing up a little. Later, after I?d tossed her about a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking. "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn?t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger for my bodily fluids, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn?t feel the same because you weren?t there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. My God, Terri, I?m just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn?t eating right without a woman around. I didn?t know what she meant until later, but that?s not the real story. Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we?re fucking in our old bedroom. And this lady?s a total monster in the sack. She?s giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she?s not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother?s old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it is totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. ?Cause I can?t help thinking, "Why didn?t Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We?ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That?s the saddest part of all for me. But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon?s just a kid and all, but she?s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She?s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She?s given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She?s pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.) So we?re drinking wine in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here?s this unselfish girl with the same DNA as you (although, let?s face it, she got an extra helping of the sex gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 20. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Shannon?s really into the whole doggy style thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I?m thrusting inside the steaming Dutch oven of your sister?s hot wetness, all I can do is think of you? It?s true baby. In your heart you know it. Don?t you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you?d just try it, I wouldn?t have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri. It just tears us apart and I can?t be apart from you. In a few weeks when I am back from fishing we should do our best to meet and talk about it. Because I love you. __________________ No One

12-08-2003, 10:03 AM	#2
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	Good one __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

12-08-2003, 10:05 AM	#3
chemicaleyes UNSTOPPABLE Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: UK :: ICQ# 156068 Posts: 11,569	haha.. __________________ No way as way, No limitation as limitation. AmeriNOC formally PhatServers

12-08-2003, 10:07 AM	#4
liquidmoe Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: NY Posts: 4,994	oh man that nearly brought a tear to my eye __________________ Take Luck!

12-08-2003, 10:09 AM	#5
brand0n been very busy Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: the queen city Posts: 26,983	damn man, thats poetry __________________ want to buy this spot for cheap? it is of course for sale. long term deals are always the best bet. brand0n/ at/ a o l dot commies.

12-08-2003, 10:12 AM	#6
Eric Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: The Helm! Posts: 8,818	It is even funnier cause it starts out normal and then moves onto all the good stuff. __________________ No One

12-08-2003, 10:14 AM	#7
maxjohan Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Sweden Posts: 7,219	lool , where did you find that? __________________ I went from 100 to 313,000 satoshis in 2 days! Lots of daily freerolls...

12-08-2003, 10:15 AM	#8
Joesho want to get in shape Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: on the lake Posts: 12,329	Good stuff man..... __________________ Got any domains to sell? I proudly host all my stuff at www.rackco.com

12-08-2003, 10:16 AM	#9
johnbosh Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: The Netherlands, Rotterdam Posts: 8,965

12-08-2003, 10:16 AM	#10
Weppel Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Netherlands Posts: 2,190

12-08-2003, 10:32 AM	#11
sltr Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,191	throat yogurt hahah

12-08-2003, 10:33 AM	#12
beemk CLICK HERE Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 20,829	hahaha, where did you get that? __________________ I host with Vacares

12-08-2003, 10:42 AM	#14
irishfury Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: In the hearts of cowards Posts: 2,611	I wouldn't even be able to write something like that I would end up laughing to hard before it was done... __________________ Trust no one there all snakes

12-08-2003, 10:44 AM	#15
kristin GOO! Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Back Home : ) Posts: 9,768	I didn't know a letter was an acceptable break up way after 3rd grade. __________________ Vacares rules. "Usually only fat guys have the kind of knowledge and ability that Kristin has."

12-08-2003, 10:48 AM	#16
badmunchkin Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 3,797	too funny __________________ Custom, Full Color Printing with BIG Discounts for GFY! ICQ 283197499

12-08-2003, 10:49 AM	#17
SR Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 2,239

12-08-2003, 10:56 AM	#19
JFK FUBAR the ORIGINATOR Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: FUBARLAND Posts: 67,374	"Why do I feel so drained and empty?" after reading all this __________________ FUBAR Webmasters - The FUBAR Times - FUBAR Webmasters Mobile - FUBARTV.XXX For promo opps contact jfk at fubarwebmasters dot com

12-08-2003, 11:04 AM	#20
Jay3 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: San Diego California Posts: 246	Dear Penthouse Forum.........LOL....thats a breakup lettert? __________________ <A HREF="http://www.contentlotto.com/index.php?account=jay3"><IMG SRC="http://www.contentlotto.com/images/contentlottobutton.gif"></A>

12-08-2003, 11:04 AM	#21
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450	very funny

12-08-2003, 11:06 AM	#22
MaxDent Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: San Francisco Posts: 851	That genuinely brought tears to my eyes. Absolute poetry.

12-08-2003, 11:07 AM	#23
nosey Talk Hard Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 14,413	__________________ \| Domain whois privacy Free \|\| GFY favored Hosting \| $Chaturbate \|\| FpcTraffic FPCPlugs \|\| PlugRush Traffic

12-08-2003, 11:25 AM	#24
XxXotic Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Da Swamps Posts: 8,500	"But do you see how even then, when I?m thrusting inside the steaming Dutch oven of your sister?s hot wetness, all I can do is think of you?" __________________ Sponsors.. Tired of people not using your shitty RSS Feeds? Let Us Help You! Oxeo - Serious Hosting For Serious Webmasters. iCQ:135.887013

12-08-2003, 11:39 AM	#27
Loryn Super Connector Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 12,853	Classic!!! The sad thing is there are some women in this world that need a letter like that to relieve them from their insecurities and fears!! __________________ ~ loryn@loryntaylor . com ~ RIP TD

12-08-2003, 11:43 AM	#28
Paul -C- Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 1,255	HAHAHA thats awesome!

12-08-2003, 11:50 AM	#29
radical Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Bonnie Scotland Posts: 2,876	hehehehehe funny __________________ ICQ: 166108967

12-08-2003, 11:51 AM	#30
NiTe-HaWk Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: USA Posts: 1,196	That was one of the funniest things I have read in a while.

12-08-2003, 11:53 AM	#31
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	Pretty good !! __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

12-08-2003, 12:01 PM	#32
rip raster Confirmed User Join Date: May 2001 Location: Everville Posts: 2,851	That's the funniest shit, I love it Rip

12-08-2003, 12:13 PM	#33
Eric Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: The Helm! Posts: 8,818	This was the letter I sent to my Ex Wife Terri a few years back. __________________ No One

12-08-2003, 12:49 PM	#37
ytcracker stc is the greatest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: rip sean murray Posts: 12,403	this is lawl __________________ www.ytcracker.com \| www.digitalgangster.com i love you

12-08-2003, 01:25 PM	#39
ModelPerfect Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: USA Posts: 2,862	I can empathise. Just broke up with a long-term gf and am "dating" her friend on a "friends with priviledges" level (the ex doesn't know yet). I was tempted to write something similar, but no... I read this letter a couple weeks ago and cracked!

12-08-2003, 01:29 PM	#40
Ross Ik ben een aap Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Traffic Force Towers, Canada! Posts: 18,874	Thats the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I'm printing a few copies of it to show to my friends

12-08-2003, 02:22 PM	#41
AngEl 3 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Heaven Posts: 47	haha funny ) __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

12-08-2003, 06:40 PM	#43
cold_ice Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: cali Posts: 3,027	Nice

12-08-2003, 06:46 PM	#44
Brad-Wishing Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 2,415	Ahahahaahhahaha. __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.