looks like the wife is bouncing on me - Page 2 - GoFuckYourself.com

Tala · 10-04-2003, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by footsex

There is nothing wrong with going out to a bar or club once in a while. Just because your married doesn't mean that your life is over and you cannot socialize with your friends. Marriage is based on trust and obviously you have trust issues!

And as far as, putting yourself in temptations path, that is ridiculous. I guarantee more married people have affairs with co-workers and people they do business with then with anyone they meet in a bar.

That's one of the insecurities that needs to be addressed before marriage. If you can't handle him going to a bar to chill for a bit, then I seriously doubt that you need to marry him. Same goes for him if he can't handle you going out with the girls to dinner or shopping or clubs or whatever. It's a trust issue, and if the two of you can't trust each other not to be hittin on everything that walks by, then you're going to have serious problems.

Carrie · 10-04-2003, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BVF
ya see ytcracker how twisted some women think? When I run across a woman who thinks like this now, I SPRINT as fast as I can away from her because I know she's a potential nutcase...If I can't go to a bar and have a drink without my woman bitching, why the fuck would I want her...There's a lot of bars that has nothing but men in there trying to get out of the house and get a buzz on before they go home to their bitching wife...And a lot of these bars don't even have enough women to go around in there for you to even have temptation...

RUN FOREST RUN FOREST RUN!!!

A woman who is under 25 and thinks like this is normal. You guys can't imagine the bullshit that society piles onto girls as they're growing up. It's sad, but true... they ALL come out insecure, unsure of what they want or what they're supposed to be - on one hand they've got society telling them to "be good little girls", settle down and have a family. On the other hand they've got society telling them they're young, they should go out and be dating and experiencing life and having a good time.

On one hand society says if you so much as think about sex, you're a slut, that's "dirty", "naughty". Then on the other hand society bombards us with suggestive advertisements, television shows, music videos all encouraging us to be sexual and if you don't, you're a "nerd" or a "prude".

On one hand society preaches "be yourself", "grrrl power" and all of that crap, and on the other hand society throws 100-pound supermodels in our faces and tells us if we're not absolutely perfect, then we're fat, ugly, and unworthy of attention - much less love.

By the time you get out of high school your head is seriously fucked up if you're female.

From my own experience and what I've seen, I'm willing to stand up and say that no man should even consider a long-term commitment with a woman unless she's at least 26 years old. Before that, her head is just all over the place. She might *think* that she wants to settle down and that she's in love, but the fact that her friends are still going out dating and partying is going to kill her with jealousy and feelings of self-doubt that she gave up her life too early. Then she gets to be 25 and all hell breaks loose, because that 25th birthday means that 30 is just around the corner. She turns around and looks at her life and everything she hasn't done yet - and look out. If she's strapped down in a marriage it's going to take hell and high water to keep her in it, because she's facing the fact that this is THE REST OF HER LIFE and look at all the shit she's missed out on and will never get to do.

The closer they get to 30 the more stable they are, because it stops being such a big deal and the realization that it's coming makes them reevaluate and start getting things in order. They start being more comfortable with themselves, they learn how to say "fuck it", they realize that the world really doesn't revolve around their three best friends and what everyone else thinks, and they finally start to settle down and get serious.

Once they're comfortable with *themselves*, then and only then can they focus on a relationship and sharing with another person.

Sometimes I feel sorry for guys who are really in love with a girl that's under 25. But then I come to GFY and see the "all women are whores, bitches, sluts and c*u*nts" and I don't feel sorry anymore.

sexeducation · 10-04-2003, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Carrie
A woman who is under 25 and thinks like this is normal. You guys can't imagine the bullshit that society piles onto girls as they're growing up. It's sad, but true... they ALL come out insecure, unsure of what they want or what they're supposed to be - on one hand they've got society telling them to "be good little girls", settle down and have a family. On the other hand they've got society telling them they're young, they should go out and be dating and experiencing life and having a good time.

sexual hypocrisy

Quote:

On one hand society says if you so much as think about sex, you're a slut, that's "dirty", "naughty". Then on the other hand society bombards us with suggestive advertisements, television shows, music videos all encouraging us to be sexual and if you don't, you're a "nerd" or a "prude".

yep - more sexual hypocrisy

Quote:

On one hand society preaches "be yourself", "grrrl power" and all of that crap, and on the other hand society throws 100-pound supermodels in our faces and tells us if we're not absolutely perfect, then we're fat, ugly, and unworthy of attention - much less love.

YEP ...

Quote:

By the time you get out of high school your head is seriously fucked up if you're female.

absolutely ...

Quote:

From my own experience and what I've seen, I'm willing to stand up and say that no man should even consider a long-term commitment with a woman unless she's at least 26 years old. Before that, her head is just all over the place. She might *think* that she wants to settle down and that she's in love, but the fact that her friends are still going out dating and partying is going to kill her with jealousy and feelings of self-doubt that she gave up her life too early. Then she gets to be 25 and all hell breaks loose, because that 25th birthday means that 30 is just around the corner. She turns around and looks at her life and everything she hasn't done yet - and look out. If she's strapped down in a marriage it's going to take hell and high water to keep her in it, because she's facing the fact that this is THE REST OF HER LIFE and look at all the shit she's missed out on and will never get to do.

The closer they get to 30 the more stable they are, because it stops being such a big deal and the realization that it's coming makes them reevaluate and start getting things in order. They start being more comfortable with themselves, they learn how to say "fuck it", they realize that the world really doesn't revolve around their three best friends and what everyone else thinks, and they finally start to settle down and get serious.

Once they're comfortable with *themselves*, then and only then can they focus on a relationship and sharing with another person.

Sometimes I feel sorry for guys who are really in love with a girl that's under 25. But then I come to GFY and see the "all women are whores, bitches, sluts and c*u*nts" and I don't feel sorry anymore.

All the women on GFY are not bitches & whores.
Just because you do "porn" does not make you a bitch or a whore.
IT'S YOUR BODY - IT'S YOUR RIGHT.
male or female is irrelevant.

Furious_Female · 10-04-2003, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Carrie

A woman who is under 25 and thinks like this is normal. You guys can't imagine the bullshit that society piles onto girls as they're growing up. It's sad, but true... they ALL come out insecure, unsure of what they want or what they're supposed to be - on one hand they've got society telling them to "be good little girls", settle down and have a family. On the other hand they've got society telling them they're young, they should go out and be dating and experiencing life and having a good time.

On one hand society says if you so much as think about sex, you're a slut, that's "dirty", "naughty". Then on the other hand society bombards us with suggestive advertisements, television shows, music videos all encouraging us to be sexual and if you don't, you're a "nerd" or a "prude".

On one hand society preaches "be yourself", "grrrl power" and all of that crap, and on the other hand society throws 100-pound supermodels in our faces and tells us if we're not absolutely perfect, then we're fat, ugly, and unworthy of attention - much less love.

By the time you get out of high school your head is seriously fucked up if you're female.

From my own experience and what I've seen, I'm willing to stand up and say that no man should even consider a long-term commitment with a woman unless she's at least 26 years old. Before that, her head is just all over the place. She might *think* that she wants to settle down and that she's in love, but the fact that her friends are still going out dating and partying is going to kill her with jealousy and feelings of self-doubt that she gave up her life too early. Then she gets to be 25 and all hell breaks loose, because that 25th birthday means that 30 is just around the corner. She turns around and looks at her life and everything she hasn't done yet - and look out. If she's strapped down in a marriage it's going to take hell and high water to keep her in it, because she's facing the fact that this is THE REST OF HER LIFE and look at all the shit she's missed out on and will never get to do.

The closer they get to 30 the more stable they are, because it stops being such a big deal and the realization that it's coming makes them reevaluate and start getting things in order. They start being more comfortable with themselves, they learn how to say "fuck it", they realize that the world really doesn't revolve around their three best friends and what everyone else thinks, and they finally start to settle down and get serious.

Once they're comfortable with *themselves*, then and only then can they focus on a relationship and sharing with another person.

Sometimes I feel sorry for guys who are really in love with a girl that's under 25. But then I come to GFY and see the "all women are whores, bitches, sluts and c*u*nts" and I don't feel sorry anymore.

I agree with you for the most part... however I am under 25 and I never have any desire to do what other chicks do. If I did, I would simply do it because there's no reason for me not to. I don't go to bars/clubs because I'm just not into it. I guess everyone is different... because some people, men and women have mid life crisis' around 40-50, even after they did all the partying etc. So to each their own... just know and accept your mate before you get married.

footsex · 10-04-2003, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tala

That's one of the insecurities that needs to be addressed before marriage. If you can't handle him going to a bar to chill for a bit, then I seriously doubt that you need to marry him. Same goes for him if he can't handle you going out with the girls to dinner or shopping or clubs or whatever. It's a trust issue, and if the two of you can't trust each other not to be hittin on everything that walks by, then you're going to have serious problems.

I agree! A healthy relationship is based on trust.
And spending time apart from your wife/husband is healthy too.

sexeducation · 10-04-2003, 12:25 PM

Is the situation worth saving?
Do you still love her?

IntenseCash · 10-04-2003, 12:34 PM

First of all I think you guys got married too quickly... Should live together 2 to 4 years before marriage even comes up... There should be no rush at all about getting married; this world anymore travels way too fast.

But before you go to divorce court... go to counseling first... I think getting a divorce is way to easy anymore, that?s the easy way out if you ask me. At least try and see if you are able to fix this marriage. Don?t take the easy way out!

Chuck

cluck · 10-04-2003, 12:44 PM

Now Bryce, I know how you're feeling to a lesser degree and let me just say don't be a hypocrite like me. I wanted to go to this big punk show where alot of my favorite bands were playing at CBGB's this weekend and she said that if I went she wouldn't talk to me. When I asked her why she said because other girls might talk to me there. That was last night, but it was cool to not go to the show cause one of my best friends was coming home from college and I said I'd spend time with him cause he goes really far away. She says OK and makes plans with her slutty pregnant friend to go where? A bar. Not only that but she's dressed like a total slutbag, all done up before she leaves the house. Do I care? No, and that seems to piss her off.

Anyway she's almost 18 and I'm 20. We've been going out for 4 months and she was talking about marriage and I said something like "give me 5 or 6 years" and she yelled at me and made me lower the number. I can't bear to break her heart though, cause I'm a pussy. Don't be like me Bryce. Don't be a pussy. Get a lawyer NOW and erase her from your life.

bigdog · 10-04-2003, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sharky
sorry to hear it.

how old is your kid?

Sometimes you must think of your kid first and suck it up. Who would get the kid in the divorce - The loving mom who has the support of her friends and parents, or the father, who works in the porn industry? I hate to say it, but that will be the arguement in court.

To me, nothing is worth losing my daughter. I'd kiss anyones ass to ensure I get to see her every day of my life.

yeah and his hacker history will not help him either

ytcracker · 10-04-2003, 12:54 PM

i do love my wife shes the mother of my daughter and shes an excelent mother at that

a lot of her "shortcomings" are typical, traditional womanly stereotypes that are either products of society, upbringing, or instinct. some are more prevalent than others.

at times she is my greatest champion - others she is my worst enemy.

i give her a great deal of freedom and its just not reciprocated to an acceptable degree. certain restrictions i can understand and i can dismiss certain behaviors because i agree that i am married, however if her demands are unrealistic or blantantly fabricated to exhibit some type of control, i will not obey.

again, its a well known fact women are referred to as the ball and chain and what not and with good cause - i just wont let my wife bite down on things that are really inconsequential in the global scheme of things.

ytcracker · 10-04-2003, 12:57 PM

daughter is 6 months old

i love her to death

xxxdesign-net · 10-04-2003, 01:07 PM

any pic of your wife? just curious...

and still think 21 is way too young to get married...

sexeducation · 10-04-2003, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xxxdesign-net
any pic of your wife? just curious...

and still think 21 is way too young to get married...

pic ?
yes it is to young to get married.
That doesn't mean he does not still love her or wishes to fix things and continue.

Although not likely - it's not impossible.

[BLATENT AND OPEN PLUG]
sorry I have to ... it's my current campaign ..

Vaginal orgasm is a lie.

sexeducation · 10-04-2003, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
daughter is 6 months old

i love her to death

I know you're still reading this ...
I believed your post.

sexeducation · 10-04-2003, 01:15 PM

The real chats ...
sometimes takes days or weeks.
You're going through a rough time - there are people who have been through this before. : )
It's all good - you will make it.

Furious_Female · 10-04-2003, 01:15 PM

Your daughter is beautiful ytcracker!

It's all about control and trust. Your wife probably doesn't like you out doing certain things, because she can't be there to see what's going on etc. On the other hand, I understand where she is coming from... because (not saying YOU) but I see what other married guys AND women do and even ones with girlfriends/boyfriends, they claim they love. Once some guys/girls get out with their friends, they are no longer married or love their women/men... they are born again single people with no responsibility, that act on impulse. Fuck now, feel guilty later etc. You know, just because you trust someone won't cheat on you doesn't make you feel better that others are hitting on them. You know what parents say "I trust you driving, I don't trust other drivers are as good as you".

If guys or girls are going to go out to bars/clubs without each other... I think the best thing to do is, don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of your mate.

I dunno... I'm not a relationship expert nor do I think clubs/bars are healthy for a relationship period... but it all comes down to, if this is what you did before you were married, you can't expect to change after marriage.

puresexnow · 10-04-2003, 01:15 PM

Bad luck mister... hope it all works out as quickly and painlessly as possible...

From what you've said it sounds like the only way things would get better is if she has another couple of relationships to see just how good she had it with you...

thing is, after she's had some other fellers, could you really take her back? ... I couldn't.

LadyMischief · 10-04-2003, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
i do love my wife shes the mother of my daughter and shes an excelent mother at that

a lot of her "shortcomings" are typical, traditional womanly stereotypes that are either products of society, upbringing, or instinct. some are more prevalent than others.

at times she is my greatest champion - others she is my worst enemy.

i give her a great deal of freedom and its just not reciprocated to an acceptable degree. certain restrictions i can understand and i can dismiss certain behaviors because i agree that i am married, however if her demands are unrealistic or blantantly fabricated to exhibit some type of control, i will not obey.

again, its a well known fact women are referred to as the ball and chain and what not and with good cause - i just wont let my wife bite down on things that are really inconsequential in the global scheme of things.

I think the problem here is, she's a new mom... she's a new wife... (relatively). She's still pretty young. What she needs is attention. I know you might feel like she's being demanding..but you would be amazed how far a dozen roses and a nice dinner will go.. A night watching TV together. Has she shown signs of depression? Post-partum depression can last for a year or more, and it's a real thing. What you guys need to do is spend some time remembering why you fell in love in the first place. Write a list of all the reasons you love her. Concentrate for a while on the things you DO love about her.

You have to remember, love, relationships, and anything worth having, for that matter requires work. It's NOT easy to keep a relationship intact in this day and age. It's easy to fall prey to the pitfalls of too much work, too much routine, taking things for granted. It's WORK to avoid these things.. It's WORK to make a relationship work. But what about the benefits? You guys still have a fairly new marriage, and making the adjustment to parenthood isn't easy either. I'm betting it's straining things in ways you might not even realize or acknowledge.

You need to focus on the YOU, you and her, and your daughter too, but you need to take some time to see if it's worth being with her. Sometimes trouble can make it seem like the love isn't there anymore, but love, like anything, evolves over time. The "glow" of a new relationship wears off with the strain of parenthood, the need to meet demands and bills, that kind of thing. THIS is when it's important for you to look at the things you love about her, and reinforce the positive. You may have a haul ahead of you. But for your sake, and your daughter's, you need to SERIOUSLY weigh the pros and cons here. Sometimes love isn't worth the hurt it causes anymore.. but I think from what you are saying, the biggest problem here is a lack of adequate communication. And THAT is NOT surprising! You are both human. Communication breakdowns happen in relationships ALL the TIME! It is something that can be solved though, if you're willing. YOu obviously still love her. I wouldn't give up just yet.

Why not try talking to her. Tell her how you feel, but not in a mean accusatory way. Just come to her as her husband, mate, lover, friend, and tell her the HONEST truth. Have her tell you too exactly how she feels.. Don't let it elevate to an arguement.. Be TOTALLY honest, but not hurtful.. Once the dam is broken, the floodwaters will likely run their course, and it will be a huge step in overcoming your difficulties. I can almost guarantee that if you do this, not only will you BOTH feel better, your relationship will grow and strengthen! Evey obstacle you surmount TOGETHER is another bond that will draw you closer, make you better mates, better lovers, better parents, and better people.

Anyways, I'm here to talk if you need me. Please feel free to hit me up on icq 3522039.

Sorry about the book

PersianKitty · 10-04-2003, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Furious_Female

Not to sound like a bitch, but I think that's the problem with a lot of new marriages today. People still want to do things that single people do. If I had a husband, I'd never put up with him going to bars/clubs. It's just wrong... regardless of whose birthday it is... that's putting yourself in temptation's path. No matter how innocent or harmless it might be... it's just not healthy for a marriage.

It's great to work and provide for your family, but being responsible and attentive goes a lot further than just how hard you bust your ass or how many things you can buy. Just because you set aside some free time just for family, doesn't mean it makes up for the lost time working or doing other things.

My parents didn't have a great marriage but I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if one of them were still going to bars/clubs. I know I wouldn't have liked to see mommy or daddy hanging out in a bar a few nights a week, it's traumatizing and creates insecurities. That's something you have to give up all together if you are ready for marriage. Unless of course, you do it together and that's what you are both happy with. But if one of the people in the marriage, doesn't like it... it's always going to be a problem.

I just don't think partying, without your spouse is good at any time. Having time away from each other is healthy, doing your own hobbies etc... but bars, clubs, parties etc.. That's for single people. People might disagree and that's fine... what works for one person/couple, doesn't always work for the next and if one person in a relationship doesn't like it, it will never work.

Flame away... that's just my opinion.

I'm one that's not going to agree. I'm over 40, divorced twice, screwed over both times and royally 3.5 years ago by my second husband (many here have heard the story and the $$ involved).

I feel there are 3 entities in a marriage. The man, the woman, and the couple. All have their own place in the relationship and out of the relationship. Any relationship is built on trust. If you've earned that trust, then when someone tries to pin you down and keep you from going out it's their own insecurities and jealousy (possibly because of what they feel that might do if given the situation).

Both parties need their downtime from the couple. Whether that be a local hangout with the guys or gals, or something with their own family. That part is up to the individual. If one individual choses to go without downtime they can't guilt the other one into not taking it. Without the downtime, awaytime, everything else breaks down. If you spend all your time as the couple entity one or both begins to resent it. Afterall even when married at 20 or so, each of us has spend 20 years being ourselves. Marriage shouldn't mean we become someone else. No one is joined at the hip once they are married. A marriage is a committed long term relationship, not a prison sentence or a makeover.

H. Rap Brown · 10-04-2003, 01:53 PM

Once they go.......they never come back

stocktrader23 · 10-04-2003, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Furious_Female

Not to sound like a bitch, but I think that's the problem with a lot of new marriages today. People still want to do things that single people do. If I had a husband, I'd never put up with him going to bars/clubs. It's just wrong... regardless of whose birthday it is... that's putting yourself in temptation's path. No matter how innocent or harmless it might be... it's just not healthy for a marriage.

It's great to work and provide for your family, but being responsible and attentive goes a lot further than just how hard you bust your ass or how many things you can buy. Just because you set aside some free time just for family, doesn't mean it makes up for the lost time working or doing other things.

My parents didn't have a great marriage but I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if one of them were still going to bars/clubs. I know I wouldn't have liked to see mommy or daddy hanging out in a bar a few nights a week, it's traumatizing and creates insecurities. That's something you have to give up all together if you are ready for marriage. Unless of course, you do it together and that's what you are both happy with. But if one of the people in the marriage, doesn't like it... it's always going to be a problem.

I just don't think partying, without your spouse is good at any time. Having time away from each other is healthy, doing your own hobbies etc... but bars, clubs, parties etc.. That's for single people. People might disagree and that's fine... what works for one person/couple, doesn't always work for the next and if one person in a relationship doesn't like it, it will never work.

Flame away... that's just my opinion.

Your post proves you are as completely fucked in the head as the next woman.

cluck · 10-04-2003, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PersianKitty

I'm one that's not going to agree. I'm over 40, divorced twice, screwed over both times and royally 3.5 years ago by my second husband (many here have heard the story and the $$ involved).

I feel there are 3 entities in a marriage. The man, the woman, and the couple. All have their own place in the relationship and out of the relationship. Any relationship is built on trust. If you've earned that trust, then when someone tries to pin you down and keep you from going out it's their own insecurities and jealousy (possibly because of what they feel that might do if given the situation).

Both parties need their downtime from the couple. Whether that be a local hangout with the guys or gals, or something with their own family. That part is up to the individual. If one individual choses to go without downtime they can't guilt the other one into not taking it. Without the downtime, awaytime, everything else breaks down. If you spend all your time as the couple entity one or both begins to resent it. Afterall even when married at 20 or so, each of us has spend 20 years being ourselves. Marriage shouldn't mean we become someone else. No one is joined at the hip once they are married. A marriage is a committed long term relationship, not a prison sentence or a makeover.

PK sounds like a keeper. You need to educate the young ladies of America.

stocktrader23 · 10-04-2003, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LadyMischief

I think the problem here is, she's a new mom... she's a new wife... (relatively). She's still pretty young. What she needs is attention. I know you might feel like she's being demanding..but you would be amazed how far a dozen roses and a nice dinner will go.. A night watching TV together. Has she shown signs of depression? Post-partum depression can last for a year or more, and it's a real thing. What you guys need to do is spend some time remembering why you fell in love in the first place. Write a list of all the reasons you love her. Concentrate for a while on the things you DO love about her.

You have to remember, love, relationships, and anything worth having, for that matter requires work. It's NOT easy to keep a relationship intact in this day and age. It's easy to fall prey to the pitfalls of too much work, too much routine, taking things for granted. It's WORK to avoid these things.. It's WORK to make a relationship work. But what about the benefits? You guys still have a fairly new marriage, and making the adjustment to parenthood isn't easy either. I'm betting it's straining things in ways you might not even realize or acknowledge.

You need to focus on the YOU, you and her, and your daughter too, but you need to take some time to see if it's worth being with her. Sometimes trouble can make it seem like the love isn't there anymore, but love, like anything, evolves over time. The "glow" of a new relationship wears off with the strain of parenthood, the need to meet demands and bills, that kind of thing. THIS is when it's important for you to look at the things you love about her, and reinforce the positive. You may have a haul ahead of you. But for your sake, and your daughter's, you need to SERIOUSLY weigh the pros and cons here. Sometimes love isn't worth the hurt it causes anymore.. but I think from what you are saying, the biggest problem here is a lack of adequate communication. And THAT is NOT surprising! You are both human. Communication breakdowns happen in relationships ALL the TIME! It is something that can be solved though, if you're willing. YOu obviously still love her. I wouldn't give up just yet.

Why not try talking to her. Tell her how you feel, but not in a mean accusatory way. Just come to her as her husband, mate, lover, friend, and tell her the HONEST truth. Have her tell you too exactly how she feels.. Don't let it elevate to an arguement.. Be TOTALLY honest, but not hurtful.. Once the dam is broken, the floodwaters will likely run their course, and it will be a huge step in overcoming your difficulties. I can almost guarantee that if you do this, not only will you BOTH feel better, your relationship will grow and strengthen! Evey obstacle you surmount TOGETHER is another bond that will draw you closer, make you better mates, better lovers, better parents, and better people.

Anyways, I'm here to talk if you need me. Please feel free to hit me up on icq 3522039.

Sorry about the book

Woman,

You make too much damn sense. Please stop posting now.

ytcracker · 10-04-2003, 02:24 PM

LM - thanks a lot for the advice - ill give it a shot.

i do see a lot of craving attention from her and i try to give it to her whenever possible, sometimes i think she thinks its not enough. fact is, i dont have ALL that time to devote to her and my daughter and i wish i did.

PK good philosophy for sure as well.

i dont want to abandon all hope just yet i dig challenges and weathering storms and what not, it simply is true however that if it hurts too much to love it aint worth it.

good words from all thanks.

a more candid shot not at her best - you probably met her at internext if u saw me

makefuckingmoney · 10-04-2003, 02:27 PM

Yt,

sometimes doing what you think is right..isnt always right..but at least you know you tried to..

Good luck

Chris

stocktrader23 · 10-04-2003, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
LM - thanks a lot for the advice - ill give it a shot.

i do see a lot of craving attention from her and i try to give it to her whenever possible, sometimes i think she thinks its not enough. fact is, i dont have ALL that time to devote to her and my daughter and i wish i did.

PK good philosophy for sure as well.

i dont want to abandon all hope just yet i dig challenges and weathering storms and what not, it simply is true however that if it hurts too much to love it aint worth it.

good words from all thanks.

a more candid shot not at her best - you probably met her at internext if u saw me

YT, went through the same sort of thing with my wife after we had our son. Take LadyM's advice and see what goes. Sometimes just laying it on the table and saying exactly what is on your mind is the best thing you can do. More than likely she'll do the same and you can take it whichever direction you choose from there. Your disagreements sound EXACTLY like the ones we were having. My wife is a homemaker also. One of the main things bothering her was that she can't just up and go to work if she wanted to because we have a son now. Everyone wants to be independant but neither of us wanted our son in day care. That left it at if she went to work I would be watching our son while she was gone so of course I would cut back on my work. Being that I make way more than any job is going to pay it would put a serious hit in our lifestyle.

I would bet one of the reasons she thinks you don't spend enough time with her is she is bored to death. Imagine not having a job to go to or anything to get you away from the daily grind. Just sitting still all day every day makes the day drag on so it seems like forever that she isn't spending time with you. As much as people complain about work I couldn't imagine not having something to do everyday to challenge myself.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I know exactly the position you are in because you explained our life to a T. We had too many fights to count but we stuck it out and made it work. As for her not wanting you at a bar, I really doubt she just doesn't want you at a bar having fun. There is a reason she is against it whether it be jealousy, insecurity, or just lashing out over something else that is bothering you.

By the way, I got married when I was 20. My wife was a month shy of 18 at the time. That was in October of 1999. If you can somehow work it out it is definately worth it.

Furious_Female · 10-04-2003, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by stocktrader23

Your post proves you are as completely fucked in the head as the next woman.

Actually I'm not saying that couples shouldn't have their own personal freedoms and do things on their own or with friends. Couples shouldn't be together every single second. What I was saying is, I don't think bars and clubs are a healthy outlet for "fun" when you are married. Everyone has to agree, people only go to bars/clubs to get wasted and/or laid... very very few actually go just to dance or for music. You can say naa I just go to chill with my friends... Ok... how much conversation is being heard and understood when you're smashed off your ass or someone else is and it's so loud you can't even hear yourself. I just personally think it's the wrong atmosphere for a married person to be in, because it's something for single people and/or people looking to get laid. Maybe at a small town bar, there's casual drinks and a bunch of dudes hanging out... but most bars/clubs are wall to wall meat markets. If you want to get wasted, you can do that just about anywhere... why does it have to be where you are pressed up against people in every direction? That might be acceptable to SOME people, but not to everyone... It's not the same thing as golfing with buddies or shopping with girlfriends. That's my opinion on it.

I may be insecure or have other convictions about things... but I am just more "old fashioned" than most modern relationships. If you talk to couples who have been married for 20, 30, 40 or more years and are happy... chances are, they won't say it's that way because my wife or my husband went to bars/clubs once in awhile.

ytcracker · 10-04-2003, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by stocktrader23

By the way, I got married when I was 20. My wife was a month shy of 18 at the time. That was in October of 1999. If you can somehow work it out it is definately worth it.

yea that sounds like an EXACT carbon copy of our arguments/thoughts on daycare, etc. craziness.

ill see how it goes.

stocktrader23 · 10-04-2003, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker

yea that sounds like an EXACT carbon copy of our arguments/thoughts on daycare, etc. craziness.

ill see how it goes.

Well you described our situation exactly in your earlier posts. If you lived next door our wives would spend the day talking about how we are always working and never do anything even if it's 5 minutes after getting home from the movies.

They do know they are being rediculous on shit though. I got my wife to admit it after a couple of years, good luck with yours.

LadyMischief · 10-04-2003, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
LM - thanks a lot for the advice - ill give it a shot.

i do see a lot of craving attention from her and i try to give it to her whenever possible, sometimes i think she thinks its not enough. fact is, i dont have ALL that time to devote to her and my daughter and i wish i did.

PK good philosophy for sure as well.

i dont want to abandon all hope just yet i dig challenges and weathering storms and what not, it simply is true however that if it hurts too much to love it aint worth it.

good words from all thanks.

a more candid shot not at her best - you probably met her at internext if u saw me

You're welcome. If you guys had been together a long time and your problems were really long standing my advice might be different.. but this is more of an adaptation thing than anything else. Comprimise is the key. Communication and love will do the rest

Chris · 10-04-2003, 04:43 PM

Hey bro

that is some fucked up shit. you told us last night you and the wife where having some beef ... in that thread it was brought up that you two are young and you two dont get to do the things you should be doing. You are to busy raising a family. Someone said why dont you two go out alone. Do what you guys havnt been able to do in awhile. Get the grandparents to watch the kid for a night or two. Take her out. I am sure she would love it and it would give you two some time just to be with each other. Im sure right now she will just tell you to fuck off but DONT give up ... think about your family. Dont end this ugly ...

footsex · 10-04-2003, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Furious_Female

Actually I'm not saying that couples shouldn't have their own personal freedoms and do things on their own or with friends. Couples shouldn't be together every single second. What I was saying is, I don't think bars and clubs are a healthy outlet for "fun" when you are married. Everyone has to agree, people only go to bars/clubs to get wasted and/or laid... very very few actually go just to dance or for music. You can say naa I just go to chill with my friends... Ok... how much conversation is being heard and understood when you're smashed off your ass or someone else is and it's so loud you can't even hear yourself. I just personally think it's the wrong atmosphere for a married person to be in, because it's something for single people and/or people looking to get laid. Maybe at a small town bar, there's casual drinks and a bunch of dudes hanging out... but most bars/clubs are wall to wall meat markets. If you want to get wasted, you can do that just about anywhere... why does it have to be where you are pressed up against people in every direction? That might be acceptable to SOME people, but not to everyone... It's not the same thing as golfing with buddies or shopping with girlfriends. That's my opinion on it.

I may be insecure or have other convictions about things... but I am just more "old fashioned" than most modern relationships. If you talk to couples who have been married for 20, 30, 40 or more years and are happy... chances are, they won't say it's that way because my wife or my husband went to bars/clubs once in awhile.

you are a walking disaster

12clicks · 10-04-2003, 05:19 PM

Not flaming you but as an elder statesmen of this kiddie board let me say YOU have a lot of growing up to do.

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
im sick of my wife being immature and ungrateful - taking everything for granted

what exactly is she ungrateful about and taking for granted?
please don't chirp about providing for her etc. etc. unless you don't take her raising your daughter for granted as well.

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
shes sick of my long hours and unwillingness to be ruled

if you're working long hours, perhaps you need to be ruled. what is it you're doing with all these long hours?

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
my friends 21st birthday was last night so i went out with them - agreed that once the wife called i would bounce, which i did.

she was pissed i was at a bar, which is retarded because where the fuck else would i be. yelled at me in front of everyone, acting hard.

if you "bounced" when she called, how did she have the opportunity to yell at you in front of everyone? she have to come get you or did you bring your drunk friends home with you? bad either way.

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
anyway straw that broke the camels back - shes not traditionally materialistic or anything and fairly low maintenence but she gives me absolutely no credit where credit is due - that shit is tiring.

can you tell us what you've done that merits credit?

Furious_Female · 10-04-2003, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by footsex

you are a walking disaster

Why's that? Because I say what a lot of women think... Not everyone views a marriage the same way. If you are ok with your spouse going to bars or clubs without you, good for you. Doesn't mean it's wrong that someone else doesn't like it

Sharky · 10-04-2003, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BVF

don't listen to this man because he obviously hasn't been in the situation...I'm in it RIGHT NOW!! I have custody of my kids and they are upstairs as we speak...the "loviing" mom is on supervised visitation....

I speak from recent experience in this very particular issue...the rest of these people don't....

Obviously your situation is different. Your girl beat your ass.

SomeCreep · 10-04-2003, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ytcracker
marital differences are a bitch

sucks i have a kid too garbage

pray the divorce doesnt rape me

wtf, divorce? Women are lame, always drama with them.

chronic avenger · 10-04-2003, 05:47 PM

man I feel you. baby's momma drama is the worst... give it a while hopefully you can work som' thin' out for the kid at least

TheFLY · 10-04-2003, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Furious_Female

Not to sound like a bitch, but I think that's the problem with a lot of new marriages today. People still want to do things that single people do. If I had a husband, I'd never put up with him going to bars/clubs. It's just wrong... regardless of whose birthday it is... that's putting yourself in temptation's path. No matter how innocent or harmless it might be... it's just not healthy for a marriage.

It's great to work and provide for your family, but being responsible and attentive goes a lot further than just how hard you bust your ass or how many things you can buy. Just because you set aside some free time just for family, doesn't mean it makes up for the lost time working or doing other things.

My parents didn't have a great marriage but I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if one of them were still going to bars/clubs. I know I wouldn't have liked to see mommy or daddy hanging out in a bar a few nights a week, it's traumatizing and creates insecurities. That's something you have to give up all together if you are ready for marriage. Unless of course, you do it together and that's what you are both happy with. But if one of the people in the marriage, doesn't like it... it's always going to be a problem.

I just don't think partying, without your spouse is good at any time. Having time away from each other is healthy, doing your own hobbies etc... but bars, clubs, parties etc.. That's for single people. People might disagree and that's fine... what works for one person/couple, doesn't always work for the next and if one person in a relationship doesn't like it, it will never work.

Flame away... that's just my opinion.

I know for a fact this is good advice.

TheFLY · 10-04-2003, 06:21 PM

This is my best advice... Forget GFY... you need A+ advice... go find some smart old people... old people are SMART... Not only do they have all that experience, but they've listened to other people's stories, and stories of stories and they've had time to reflect on what is really important in life... You/your wife might see things in a completely new perspective...

<img src="http://thefly.net/ytcracker.jpg">

TheFLY · 10-04-2003, 06:46 PM

I'm only 28, but in the last year my life has changed A LOT... and I'm single -- I have all day long to think about life LOL... A few months before my birthday I had this realization -- and it sounds simple, but when it really hits you -- it hits you hard... You start to see that "maturity" changes so fast -- it is not something you can reach when you're an "adult" -- learning is a curve that takes you up up up and you really don't know what's in store for you -- you got to keep reaching for...

The 1 real truth -- it's hard enough for 1 person to reach for it -- now you got 3!

10-04-2003, 12:34 PM	#58
IntenseCash Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Colorado Posts: 2,421	First of all I think you guys got married too quickly... Should live together 2 to 4 years before marriage even comes up... There should be no rush at all about getting married; this world anymore travels way too fast. But before you go to divorce court... go to counseling first... I think getting a divorce is way to easy anymore, that?s the easy way out if you ask me. At least try and see if you are able to fix this marriage. Don?t take the easy way out! Chuck __________________ IntenseCash.com ~ Chuck \| ICQ: 444887112 Top converting sites: BrokeStraightBoys.com, CollegeDudes.com & CollegeBoyPhysicals.com

10-04-2003, 12:44 PM	#59
cluck Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: New Jersey Posts: 5,248	Now Bryce, I know how you're feeling to a lesser degree and let me just say don't be a hypocrite like me. I wanted to go to this big punk show where alot of my favorite bands were playing at CBGB's this weekend and she said that if I went she wouldn't talk to me. When I asked her why she said because other girls might talk to me there. That was last night, but it was cool to not go to the show cause one of my best friends was coming home from college and I said I'd spend time with him cause he goes really far away. She says OK and makes plans with her slutty pregnant friend to go where? A bar. Not only that but she's dressed like a total slutbag, all done up before she leaves the house. Do I care? No, and that seems to piss her off. Anyway she's almost 18 and I'm 20. We've been going out for 4 months and she was talking about marriage and I said something like "give me 5 or 6 years" and she yelled at me and made me lower the number. I can't bear to break her heart though, cause I'm a pussy. Don't be like me Bryce. Don't be a pussy. Get a lawyer NOW and erase her from your life. __________________ icq 279990726 www.mcdonalds.com <- great money making opportunity

10-04-2003, 12:54 PM	#61
ytcracker stc is the greatest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: rip sean murray Posts: 12,403	i do love my wife shes the mother of my daughter and shes an excelent mother at that a lot of her "shortcomings" are typical, traditional womanly stereotypes that are either products of society, upbringing, or instinct. some are more prevalent than others. at times she is my greatest champion - others she is my worst enemy. i give her a great deal of freedom and its just not reciprocated to an acceptable degree. certain restrictions i can understand and i can dismiss certain behaviors because i agree that i am married, however if her demands are unrealistic or blantantly fabricated to exhibit some type of control, i will not obey. again, its a well known fact women are referred to as the ball and chain and what not and with good cause - i just wont let my wife bite down on things that are really inconsequential in the global scheme of things. __________________ www.ytcracker.com \| www.digitalgangster.com i love you

10-04-2003, 12:57 PM	#62
ytcracker stc is the greatest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: rip sean murray Posts: 12,403	daughter is 6 months old i love her to death __________________ www.ytcracker.com \| www.digitalgangster.com i love you

10-04-2003, 01:15 PM	#67
Furious_Female Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Upstate, New York Posts: 8,187	Your daughter is beautiful ytcracker! It's all about control and trust. Your wife probably doesn't like you out doing certain things, because she can't be there to see what's going on etc. On the other hand, I understand where she is coming from... because (not saying YOU) but I see what other married guys AND women do and even ones with girlfriends/boyfriends, they claim they love. Once some guys/girls get out with their friends, they are no longer married or love their women/men... they are born again single people with no responsibility, that act on impulse. Fuck now, feel guilty later etc. You know, just because you trust someone won't cheat on you doesn't make you feel better that others are hitting on them. You know what parents say "I trust you driving, I don't trust other drivers are as good as you". If guys or girls are going to go out to bars/clubs without each other... I think the best thing to do is, don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of your mate. I dunno... I'm not a relationship expert nor do I think clubs/bars are healthy for a relationship period... but it all comes down to, if this is what you did before you were married, you can't expect to change after marriage. __________________ Skype: j3nn.com ICQ 160370494 My current favorite high-converting sponsor: CrakRevenue

10-04-2003, 12:15 PM	#51
FabianC Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 1,616

10-04-2003, 12:25 PM	#57
sexeducation So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Calgary - Alberta - Canada Posts: 7,315	Is the situation worth saving? Do you still love her?

10-04-2003, 01:07 PM	#63
xxxdesign-net My hips don't lie Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 10,129	any pic of your wife? just curious... and still think 21 is way too young to get married...

10-04-2003, 01:15 PM	#68
puresexnow Confirmed User Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 300	Bad luck mister... hope it all works out as quickly and painlessly as possible... From what you've said it sounds like the only way things would get better is if she has another couple of relationships to see just how good she had it with you... thing is, after she's had some other fellers, could you really take her back? ... I couldn't.

10-04-2003, 01:53 PM	#71
H. Rap Brown Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 74	Once they go.......they never come back

10-04-2003, 02:24 PM	#75
ytcracker stc is the greatest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: rip sean murray Posts: 12,403	LM - thanks a lot for the advice - ill give it a shot. i do see a lot of craving attention from her and i try to give it to her whenever possible, sometimes i think she thinks its not enough. fact is, i dont have ALL that time to devote to her and my daughter and i wish i did. PK good philosophy for sure as well. i dont want to abandon all hope just yet i dig challenges and weathering storms and what not, it simply is true however that if it hurts too much to love it aint worth it. good words from all thanks. a more candid shot not at her best - you probably met her at internext if u saw me __________________ www.ytcracker.com \| www.digitalgangster.com i love you

10-04-2003, 02:27 PM	#76
makefuckingmoney Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 3,277	Yt, sometimes doing what you think is right..isnt always right..but at least you know you tried to.. Good luck Chris

10-04-2003, 04:43 PM	#82
Chris Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Location: icq: 71462500 Skype: Jupzchris Posts: 27,880	Hey bro that is some fucked up shit. you told us last night you and the wife where having some beef ... in that thread it was brought up that you two are young and you two dont get to do the things you should be doing. You are to busy raising a family. Someone said why dont you two go out alone. Do what you guys havnt been able to do in awhile. Get the grandparents to watch the kid for a night or two. Take her out. I am sure she would love it and it would give you two some time just to be with each other. Im sure right now she will just tell you to fuck off but DONT give up ... think about your family. Dont end this ugly ... __________________ [email protected]

10-04-2003, 05:47 PM	#88
chronic avenger Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: C.A. All Day Posts: 2,509	man I feel you. baby's momma drama is the worst... give it a while hopefully you can work som' thin' out for the kid at least __________________ \| Sexxy Toons \| Blog Designs \| Icq 333676510

10-04-2003, 06:21 PM	#90
TheFLY So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: http://www.thefly.net/ --- Quit your job and live off steady traffic. Posts: 11,856	This is my best advice... Forget GFY... you need A+ advice... go find some smart old people... old people are SMART... Not only do they have all that experience, but they've listened to other people's stories, and stories of stories and they've had time to reflect on what is really important in life... You/your wife might see things in a completely new perspective... <img src="http://thefly.net/ytcracker.jpg">

10-04-2003, 06:46 PM	#91
TheFLY So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: http://www.thefly.net/ --- Quit your job and live off steady traffic. Posts: 11,856	I'm only 28, but in the last year my life has changed A LOT... and I'm single -- I have all day long to think about life LOL... A few months before my birthday I had this realization -- and it sounds simple, but when it really hits you -- it hits you hard... You start to see that "maturity" changes so fast -- it is not something you can reach when you're an "adult" -- learning is a curve that takes you up up up and you really don't know what's in store for you -- you got to keep reaching for... The 1 real truth -- it's hard enough for 1 person to reach for it -- now you got 3!