Is it normal to not be over a death after 4 years - GoFuckYourself.com

JDog · 10-01-2003, 05:20 AM

On October 6 it will the 4 years since my grandfather passed away. And I'm still not over it because he is the only person in my family that ever thought I would be successful, and I am for being only 21 successful in my views and his views (I believe).

But the thing is, I left California to go to Tucson for my Senior year of HS, and lived with my cousin because I couldn't live with my mom anymore and there was no way I was gonna live with my dad in a hotel. So i talked the both into signing gaurdianship papers to give gaurdianshipt to my cousin's! But my Grandfather didn't really like my cousin, so I never said goodbye when I left, I figured I could see him at Christmas when I came back out for holiday. But he passed away 2 months later!

And the thing I regret is a day before he passed away, I had a intense feeling to call him. But my cousin's didn't have long distance - and he yelled at me my Junior year for calling him collect. So I didn't call him. That is the only regret I have in my life, and probably will be. But I know the next day he was watching over me, and that made me feel good, because of the events that happened and how the whole next day layed out, he was watching me and my cousin and her husband!

Thank you in advanced for any thing you say! And thank you for reading if you read, it just feels good to tell people how I feel, a I feel that this board is a good board!

jDoG

nemesis · 10-01-2003, 05:26 AM

Va2k · 10-01-2003, 05:28 AM

its been 2 years since my granddad died it still hurts i see some pics of him and start balling at times, allways think about him, he was like my dad since my real dad is a prick... My granddad loved me and I loved him, I was with him alot leading up to his death, even drove the ambulance when he had a heart attack when i was in the firedept, wasnt allowed to work on him since he was family so had to let my partner do the work up while I drove. SO to anwser your Q I have no idea cause im still missing him and it sucks.

TOM

Naughty · 10-01-2003, 05:35 AM

Thanks for asking.

My mom lost her husband 3 years ago in November and she is still acting the weeping widow, not really dealing with the fact he is gone, but rather drowning in sorrow.

For me and my sister it is annoying at times, I'm not sure what to think of it, as he did not treat her all that well in our opinion. She thinks he was the best ever happened to her.

Tough subject. Some remarry in 6 months, we kinda hoped my mom would too

JDog · 10-01-2003, 05:56 AM

I don't know, I guess it's because the only person that believed I could be something, and the only one that knew I sould be successful - he always said I was gonna be the millionaire of the family -

But I tend to be what he wanted me to be and I often wonder if he would want me doing adult. But it pays the bills and it's fun 11 months outta the year!

I actually do writings and poems - yes go ahead guys call me a pussy for some of them - and this one was one that I wrote just last month. Go ahead and look at others if you want, just click back to go to the main page: http://www.phpscriptsforsale.com/?maina=poem&pid=39

for other poems http://www.phpscriptsforsale.com/

jDoG

JDog · 10-01-2003, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Naughty
Thanks for asking.

My mom lost her husband 3 years ago in November and she is still acting the weeping widow, not really dealing with the fact he is gone, but rather drowning in sorrow.

For me and my sister it is annoying at times, I'm not sure what to think of it, as he did not treat her all that well in our opinion. She thinks he was the best ever happened to her.

Tough subject. Some remarry in 6 months, we kinda hoped my mom would too

But you know what's fucked up. Is my grandmother was always a housewife, never worked. And she gets my grandfathers pension and shit because he was in the NAVY for 22 yrs and 23 yrs for the City of Orange. Well if she remarrys she doesn't continue to get pension! So she can't really live without it!

jDoG

Flow · 10-01-2003, 06:41 AM

Not sure where I heard it from, but they said that it can take up to 1/2 of the time that you knew a person that was close to you to truly get over their passing.

My first grandfather died 7 years ago and I am still not totally over his death. The other one died last year and that one still really bites hard.

Flow

dchottie · 10-01-2003, 06:55 AM

you know I thought I was one of the few with this problem. I was very very close to my dad. In fact after he had his stroke in 1994 I spent the next 5 years of our lives taking care of him virtually 24 hours a day since he was bedridden and could do nothing for himself except feed himself. I took care of him and my children at the same time day in and day out. I went through my last two pregnancies while I was caring for him and cared for him up until the day I went to the hospital to deliver and immediately cared for him the day I came home. I had to shower him, give him all his meds, take care of every personal function we take for granted being able to do for ourselves. It was gross at times but there was nobody else to do it. The bond this kind of time spent together created was so strong it's unreal.

When he passed away I spent a very long time blaming myself because I had to change his stomach catheter and it was clogged and wouldn't go back in so we had to take him to the hospital to have a minor surgery to unclog the blockage and reinsert the catheter. I felt if I hadn't tried to change it he would have still been here. He had a major heart attack in the recovery room. I know this is unrealistic considering he was a stroke victim, had a failing hear, lung cancer, bone cancer, brain cancer and was totally paralyzed on the left side but I still felt that way.

His death dealt me a blow I had never felt before. I spent 3 months in a total state of almost catatonia. I couldnt do anything for myself or my family. I'm still getting over it but sometimes I watch shows or see people interacting with their father and it hits me all over again. Especially around my birthday because he passed away 4 days prior to my birthday.

Praguer · 10-01-2003, 07:04 AM

Your sense of guilt for not calling him the day before, is what does not leave you get over it.

One day suddenly you will understand that callling or not, it was his time to meet the lord, then the guilt will turn into pain and finally will become a cherised memory.

angeleyes · 10-01-2003, 07:06 AM

My Grandma died 17 years ago and I'm still not over it............

NoCarrier · 10-01-2003, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JDog
On October 6 it will the 4 years since my grandfather passed away. And I'm still not over it because he is the only person in my family that ever thought I would be successful, and I am for being only 21 successful in my views and his views (I believe).

But the thing is, I left California to go to Tucson for my Senior year of HS, and lived with my cousin because I couldn't live with my mom anymore and there was no way I was gonna live with my dad in a hotel. So i talked the both into signing gaurdianship papers to give gaurdianshipt to my cousin's! But my Grandfather didn't really like my cousin, so I never said goodbye when I left, I figured I could see him at Christmas when I came back out for holiday. But he passed away 2 months later!

And the thing I regret is a day before he passed away, I had a intense feeling to call him. But my cousin's didn't have long distance - and he yelled at me my Junior year for calling him collect. So I didn't call him. That is the only regret I have in my life, and probably will be. But I know the next day he was watching over me, and that made me feel good, because of the events that happened and how the whole next day layed out, he was watching me and my cousin and her husband!

Thank you in advanced for any thing you say! And thank you for reading if you read, it just feels good to tell people how I feel, a I feel that this board is a good board!

jDoG

Don't worry. I am sure he is at peace because once you die your identiity vanishes. You become energy and that's it. No pain, no sorrow. Nothing. You will never see your loved ones again because u are energy floating in space.

Carrie · 10-01-2003, 07:25 AM

It's okay if you never stop missing someone that was such a large part of your life and your heart. The pain does ease eventually but it will do so on its own time.
Just know that your granddad is with you, watching over you. I truly believe this. It's hard not to when I hear my kids say something that my grandmom would say all the time but we've never said around them. I even asked my son once "Who told you that?" and he said "granmom". I said "My mom?" and he said "No, my other granmom... with glasses".

My mom is the only granmom he knows, she never wears glasses - but *my* grandmom (the one who said that phrase all the time) wore glasses.

They might pass on, but they're still with us. The body is gone, but the spirit is not.

For me what eased my pain was knowing how much pain my grandmom was in and how horrible her life had gotten. It hurt far worse to know she was living in that hell every day than to know that she was finally free of that pain-wracked body. I believe she's in a better place with all of her family, finally pain-free and happy, and she's watching over us... just like your granddad.

SleazeQueen · 10-01-2003, 08:02 AM

What do you mean by "over"? Do you mean never think of him? Or do you mean able to get out of bed every morning and live your life?

On the 16th of this month it will be 10 yrs since my fiance died of cancer. Although it wasn't a sudden accident that took his life, Friday night I was told he was coming home on Saturday and getting better. 24 hours later he was dead.

I wouldn't say that I'm over it. I think about him almost every day. I miss him terribly and wish I could go back and do some things differently. We had a pretty good fight the day before he went into the hospital the last time. And on the day he died he told me that he didn't always know I loved him. Believe me, I have regrets.

But I'm in another relationship with an amazing guy who understands the baggage I bring into our relationship. We're engaged, shopping for a house and even talking about procreation. yikes! I'm happy in my current relationship, but I still miss my old one more often than is probably good for me.

Guilt, like what you're feeling, is the toughest to get over. You've got to let go of the "what ifs" and "should haves" or they'll make you crazy.

I can't tell you how to forget, but I'm working on forgiving myself for things I wish I could do over. Hopefully I'll get there and you will too.

01SCdZ06 · 10-01-2003, 08:22 AM

You will never be "over it". You will find peace with yourself though. One day you will get a warm feeling when thinking about him. You will always be sad but this warmth is acceptance of his passing.

Use what he taught you and pass it on to someone else (your own child, a relatives child etc.) this way your passing on his legacy.

Sarah_Jayne · 10-01-2003, 08:52 AM

both of my grandfathers died over the past two years. My first grandfather to die was jus the best human being I have ever known in my life. I'll never be over him not being around. As time passes you (or atleast I) don't think about them outrightly every day but every once in a while something will hit you. For me it is times when I briefly think 'oh Pa (as we called him), would think that is funny' and forget for a split second that I can't call him. Then the tears flow.

He will never leave me, if I ever manage to have kids of my own I will cry that they can not know him or my other grandfather but I will make sure they know so much about him that he is alive within them.

I am so glad they both saw me get married, I am sad they both missed me finishing my degree (education is a big deal in my family).

*hugs*

Scott McD · 10-01-2003, 08:56 AM

So far i've been lucky in that i was very young when my grandad died, and i haven't lost any close relations since.

I still remember him well, but it's always different when you are very young. He was the best.

I don't know how i would cope losing someone close now, especially as i'm a bit older, guess everyone has there own way of dealing with things...

10-01-2003, 05:20 AM	#1
JDog Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Canby, OR Posts: 7,453	Is it normal to not be over a death after 4 years On October 6 it will the 4 years since my grandfather passed away. And I'm still not over it because he is the only person in my family that ever thought I would be successful, and I am for being only 21 successful in my views and his views (I believe). But the thing is, I left California to go to Tucson for my Senior year of HS, and lived with my cousin because I couldn't live with my mom anymore and there was no way I was gonna live with my dad in a hotel. So i talked the both into signing gaurdianship papers to give gaurdianshipt to my cousin's! But my Grandfather didn't really like my cousin, so I never said goodbye when I left, I figured I could see him at Christmas when I came back out for holiday. But he passed away 2 months later! And the thing I regret is a day before he passed away, I had a intense feeling to call him. But my cousin's didn't have long distance - and he yelled at me my Junior year for calling him collect. So I didn't call him. That is the only regret I have in my life, and probably will be. But I know the next day he was watching over me, and that made me feel good, because of the events that happened and how the whole next day layed out, he was watching me and my cousin and her husband! Thank you in advanced for any thing you say! And thank you for reading if you read, it just feels good to tell people how I feel, a I feel that this board is a good board! jDoG

10-01-2003, 05:28 AM	#3
Va2k I’m still alive barley. Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Va Posts: 10,060	its been 2 years since my granddad died it still hurts i see some pics of him and start balling at times, allways think about him, he was like my dad since my real dad is a prick... My granddad loved me and I loved him, I was with him alot leading up to his death, even drove the ambulance when he had a heart attack when i was in the firedept, wasnt allowed to work on him since he was family so had to let my partner do the work up while I drove. SO to anwser your Q I have no idea cause im still missing him and it sucks. TOM __________________

10-01-2003, 05:35 AM	#4
Naughty Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Utopia Posts: 6,483	Thanks for asking. My mom lost her husband 3 years ago in November and she is still acting the weeping widow, not really dealing with the fact he is gone, but rather drowning in sorrow. For me and my sister it is annoying at times, I'm not sure what to think of it, as he did not treat her all that well in our opinion. She thinks he was the best ever happened to her. Tough subject. Some remarry in 6 months, we kinda hoped my mom would too __________________ seks.ai for sale - ping me

10-01-2003, 06:55 AM	#8
dchottie Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 894	you know I thought I was one of the few with this problem. I was very very close to my dad. In fact after he had his stroke in 1994 I spent the next 5 years of our lives taking care of him virtually 24 hours a day since he was bedridden and could do nothing for himself except feed himself. I took care of him and my children at the same time day in and day out. I went through my last two pregnancies while I was caring for him and cared for him up until the day I went to the hospital to deliver and immediately cared for him the day I came home. I had to shower him, give him all his meds, take care of every personal function we take for granted being able to do for ourselves. It was gross at times but there was nobody else to do it. The bond this kind of time spent together created was so strong it's unreal. When he passed away I spent a very long time blaming myself because I had to change his stomach catheter and it was clogged and wouldn't go back in so we had to take him to the hospital to have a minor surgery to unclog the blockage and reinsert the catheter. I felt if I hadn't tried to change it he would have still been here. He had a major heart attack in the recovery room. I know this is unrealistic considering he was a stroke victim, had a failing hear, lung cancer, bone cancer, brain cancer and was totally paralyzed on the left side but I still felt that way. His death dealt me a blow I had never felt before. I spent 3 months in a total state of almost catatonia. I couldnt do anything for myself or my family. I'm still getting over it but sometimes I watch shows or see people interacting with their father and it hits me all over again. Especially around my birthday because he passed away 4 days prior to my birthday. __________________

10-01-2003, 07:04 AM	#9
Praguer Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Prague, CZ Posts: 991	Your sense of guilt for not calling him the day before, is what does not leave you get over it. One day suddenly you will understand that callling or not, it was his time to meet the lord, then the guilt will turn into pain and finally will become a cherised memory. __________________ High Quality-High Definition Adult Content ICQ: 348740763

10-01-2003, 05:26 AM	#2
nemesis Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: home Posts: 1,335

10-01-2003, 05:56 AM	#5
JDog Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Canby, OR Posts: 7,453	I don't know, I guess it's because the only person that believed I could be something, and the only one that knew I sould be successful - he always said I was gonna be the millionaire of the family - But I tend to be what he wanted me to be and I often wonder if he would want me doing adult. But it pays the bills and it's fun 11 months outta the year! I actually do writings and poems - yes go ahead guys call me a pussy for some of them - and this one was one that I wrote just last month. Go ahead and look at others if you want, just click back to go to the main page: http://www.phpscriptsforsale.com/?maina=poem&pid=39 for other poems http://www.phpscriptsforsale.com/ jDoG

10-01-2003, 06:41 AM	#7
Flow Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 518	Not sure where I heard it from, but they said that it can take up to 1/2 of the time that you knew a person that was close to you to truly get over their passing. My first grandfather died 7 years ago and I am still not totally over his death. The other one died last year and that one still really bites hard. Flow

10-01-2003, 07:06 AM	#10
angeleyes Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Wandering around FL using random Wireless Connections Posts: 3,584	My Grandma died 17 years ago and I'm still not over it............ __________________ Need a Writer? Contact Me. I write quality descriptions, short erotic stories, quality one-liners.. whatever you need.

10-01-2003, 07:25 AM	#12
Carrie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Virgin - nee Posts: 3,162	It's okay if you never stop missing someone that was such a large part of your life and your heart. The pain does ease eventually but it will do so on its own time. Just know that your granddad is with you, watching over you. I truly believe this. It's hard not to when I hear my kids say something that my grandmom would say all the time but we've never said around them. I even asked my son once "Who told you that?" and he said "granmom". I said "My mom?" and he said "No, my other granmom... with glasses". My mom is the only granmom he knows, she never wears glasses - but my grandmom (the one who said that phrase all the time) wore glasses. They might pass on, but they're still with us. The body is gone, but the spirit is not. For me what eased my pain was knowing how much pain my grandmom was in and how horrible her life had gotten. It hurt far worse to know she was living in that hell every day than to know that she was finally free of that pain-wracked body. I believe she's in a better place with all of her family, finally pain-free and happy, and she's watching over us... just like your granddad.

10-01-2003, 08:02 AM	#13
SleazeQueen Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Western WA Posts: 634	What do you mean by "over"? Do you mean never think of him? Or do you mean able to get out of bed every morning and live your life? On the 16th of this month it will be 10 yrs since my fiance died of cancer. Although it wasn't a sudden accident that took his life, Friday night I was told he was coming home on Saturday and getting better. 24 hours later he was dead. I wouldn't say that I'm over it. I think about him almost every day. I miss him terribly and wish I could go back and do some things differently. We had a pretty good fight the day before he went into the hospital the last time. And on the day he died he told me that he didn't always know I loved him. Believe me, I have regrets. But I'm in another relationship with an amazing guy who understands the baggage I bring into our relationship. We're engaged, shopping for a house and even talking about procreation. yikes! I'm happy in my current relationship, but I still miss my old one more often than is probably good for me. Guilt, like what you're feeling, is the toughest to get over. You've got to let go of the "what ifs" and "should haves" or they'll make you crazy. I can't tell you how to forget, but I'm working on forgiving myself for things I wish I could do over. Hopefully I'll get there and you will too. __________________ Bush can no more fire Rove than Charlie McCarthy could fire Edgar Bergen.

10-01-2003, 08:22 AM	#14
01SCdZ06 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: United States Posts: 55	You will never be "over it". You will find peace with yourself though. One day you will get a warm feeling when thinking about him. You will always be sad but this warmth is acceptance of his passing. Use what he taught you and pass it on to someone else (your own child, a relatives child etc.) this way your passing on his legacy.

10-01-2003, 08:52 AM	#15
Sarah_Jayne Now with more Jayne Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 40,077	both of my grandfathers died over the past two years. My first grandfather to die was jus the best human being I have ever known in my life. I'll never be over him not being around. As time passes you (or atleast I) don't think about them outrightly every day but every once in a while something will hit you. For me it is times when I briefly think 'oh Pa (as we called him), would think that is funny' and forget for a split second that I can't call him. Then the tears flow. He will never leave me, if I ever manage to have kids of my own I will cry that they can not know him or my other grandfather but I will make sure they know so much about him that he is alive within them. I am so glad they both saw me get married, I am sad they both missed me finishing my degree (education is a big deal in my family). hugs

10-01-2003, 08:56 AM	#16
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	So far i've been lucky in that i was very young when my grandad died, and i haven't lost any close relations since. I still remember him well, but it's always different when you are very young. He was the best. I don't know how i would cope losing someone close now, especially as i'm a bit older, guess everyone has there own way of dealing with things... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!