Jokes you can't tell in church - GoFuckYourself.com

Ice · 10-01-2003, 10:05 AM

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in
white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life." The child
thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is
the groom wearing black?"

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was
running as fast as she could, trying not to be late
for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a
curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing
her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and
started running again. As she ran she on again began
to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But
please don't shove me either!"

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they
give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the
money!"

An elderly woman died last month. Having never
married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her
handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was
alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What
would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He
said, "Call for backup."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou
shall not kill."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny
seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve
was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the
week his mother noticed him lying down as though he
were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I
think I'm going to have a wife."

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after
hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to
the other, "What do you think about all this Satan
stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."

bushwacker · 10-01-2003, 10:29 AM

JamesK · 10-01-2003, 10:34 AM

Tofu · 10-01-2003, 10:57 AM

youre on a roll, ice

LauraLee · 10-01-2003, 11:06 AM

loverboy · 10-01-2003, 11:07 AM

bhawahahah

smack · 10-01-2003, 11:09 AM

what did the crippled kid get for christmas?

give up?

cancer!

Milena Dickman · 10-01-2003, 11:19 AM

The priest had to leave the confissionary to take a dump, so he asks some nun to be at his place, pretending to be a priest. So here comes a lady to confess:
- Father, forgive me cause I have sinned.
- What did you do, my child?
- I´ve sucked a cock last night.

Confused, the nun runs off the confissionary and asks some boy about what penitence should she give the lady:
- What does the father give for people who sucks cock?
And the boy aswers:

- Usually he gives me a coke and a Big Mac!

WiredGuy · 10-01-2003, 02:43 PM

richard · 10-01-2003, 03:12 PM

oops, repeated Dickman's joke

:

10-01-2003, 10:05 AM	#1
Ice Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny California Posts: 26,053	Jokes you can't tell in church Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she on again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!" Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!" An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead. A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad." __________________ icq 1904905

10-01-2003, 10:34 AM	#3
JamesK hi Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 16,731	__________________ M3Server - NATS Hosting

10-01-2003, 10:57 AM	#4
Tofu The Video Specialist Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: California Posts: 5,615	youre on a roll, ice __________________ tofu916 video services - tofu916.com twitter: tofu916 \| skype: tofu916 \| tel: 916-672-TOFU \| e: tofu # tofu916.com

10-01-2003, 11:06 AM	#5
LauraLee Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: (Still) One Touch Cockie Posts: 3,821	__________________ Priority Payout skype lauralee.bunker LL's Email

10-01-2003, 11:09 AM	#7
smack Push Porn Like Weight. Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Inside .NET Posts: 10,652	what did the crippled kid get for christmas? give up? cancer! __________________ Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

10-01-2003, 10:29 AM	#2
bushwacker Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: so. fla. Posts: 2,817

10-01-2003, 11:07 AM	#6
loverboy When it rains, it pours Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 20,609	bhawahahah

10-01-2003, 11:19 AM	#8
Milena Dickman Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Brazil Posts: 501	The priest had to leave the confissionary to take a dump, so he asks some nun to be at his place, pretending to be a priest. So here comes a lady to confess: - Father, forgive me cause I have sinned. - What did you do, my child? - I´ve sucked a cock last night. Confused, the nun runs off the confissionary and asks some boy about what penitence should she give the lady: - What does the father give for people who sucks cock? And the boy aswers: - Usually he gives me a coke and a Big Mac! __________________ work hard. play hard. http://www.dickmansdesign.com MSN milenadickman at hotmail.com iCQ # 276820774

10-01-2003, 02:43 PM	#9
WiredGuy Pounding Googlebot Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 34,484	__________________ I play with Google.

10-01-2003, 03:12 PM	#10
richard Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: UK Posts: 543	oops, repeated Dickman's joke : __________________