Jokes you can't tell in church
 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in
white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life." The child
thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is
the groom wearing black?"


A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was
running as fast as she could, trying not to be late
for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a
curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing
her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and
started running again. As she ran she on again began
to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But
please don't shove me either!"

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they
give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it
a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the
money!"

An elderly woman died last month. Having never
married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her
handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was
alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What
would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He
said, "Call for backup."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou
shall not kill."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny
seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve
was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the
week his mother noticed him lying down as though he
were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I
think I'm going to have a wife."

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after
hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to
the other, "What do you think about all this Satan
stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."

:thumbsup

:1orglaugh

youre on a roll, ice
:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

bhawahahah

what did the crippled kid get for christmas?
















































give up?











cancer!

The priest had to leave the confissionary to take a dump, so he asks some nun to be at his place, pretending to be a priest. So here comes a lady to confess:
- Father, forgive me cause I have sinned.
- What did you do, my child?
- I´ve sucked a cock last night.

Confused, the nun runs off the confissionary and asks some boy about what penitence should she give the lady:
- What does the father give for people who sucks cock?
And the boy aswers:

- Usually he gives me a coke and a Big Mac!

:1orglaugh

oops, repeated Dickman's joke :helpme: