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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:09 AM   #1
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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future

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A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
Lol!
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:12 AM   #2
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Bow ties are cool. ...Wonder if he had a Fez.
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:15 AM   #3
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:15 AM   #4
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.Wonder if he had a Fez.
Would you recognize his Fez if you saw it?
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:16 AM   #5
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Uhmm,... less than 2 seconds of investigation shows it was an april fools joke from 4 years ago.
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:22 AM   #6
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Uhmm,... less than 2 seconds of investigation shows it was an april fools joke from 4 years ago.
********** speed!
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:31 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by TheSquealer View Post
Uhmm,... less than 2 seconds of investigation shows it was an april fools joke from 4 years ago.
you read the quoted article, you mean?
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:34 AM   #8
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Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
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Old 04-14-2014, 11:50 AM   #9
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Uhmm,... less than 2 seconds of investigation shows it was an april fools joke from 4 years ago.
omg this isn't REAL????????? holy shit
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:09 PM   #10
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The way the future was supposed to be:



What happened:









ADG
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:53 PM   #11
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omg this isn't REAL????????? holy shit
LOL x 2 Flashback
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:57 PM   #12
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I wonder if they took his photos
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Old 04-14-2014, 01:26 PM   #13
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coming from future with same shit ass weapon, what a fucker
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Old 04-14-2014, 02:10 PM   #14
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i'm a WEBmaster
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Old 04-14-2014, 03:04 PM   #15
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Ugh isn't a bit too late to post this? :P
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Old 04-14-2014, 06:41 PM   #16
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Old 04-14-2014, 06:55 PM   #17
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lols so fake....
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Old 04-14-2014, 07:40 PM   #18
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**********, what are those toxic fumes you are breathing in in your avatar picture? COuld that be the explanation for your postings?
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:17 PM   #19
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Uhmm,... less than 2 seconds of investigation shows it was an april fools joke from 4 years ago.
If Mark Prince thinks its real, then its real, OK?
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:09 AM   #20
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"communist chocolate hellhole"
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:55 AM   #21
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I knew we havn't heard the last from JohnnyClips.
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Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
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