Only in America & Ever Wonder - GoFuckYourself.com

hybrid · 02-26-2003, 06:05 PM

I know it's usually lame to post a forwarded e-mail message, but this shit was too funny to not share. So fuck off if you've read it before.
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Only in America:

A TRUE FACT.... Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER .....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Torn Rose · 02-26-2003, 06:17 PM

an oldie but goodie....

KrazieSweets · 02-26-2003, 06:22 PM

AdultNex · 02-26-2003, 06:50 PM

You do know that some of those "EVER WONDER" are pretty obvious on why they don't do that.

gothweb · 02-26-2003, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AdultNex
You do know that some of those "EVER WONDER" are pretty obvious on why they don't do that.

And, of course, many of the "Only in America" things happen all over the world.

02-26-2003, 06:05 PM	#1
hybrid So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Backseat of a Ford Escort Hatchback Posts: 3,253	Only in America & Ever Wonder I know it's usually lame to post a forwarded e-mail message, but this shit was too funny to not share. So fuck off if you've read it before. --------- Only in America: A TRUE FACT.... Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. EVER WONDER ..... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

02-26-2003, 06:17 PM	#2
Torn Rose Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 752	an oldie but goodie....

02-26-2003, 06:22 PM	#3
KrazieSweets So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,060

02-26-2003, 06:50 PM	#4
AdultNex Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Bostonnnn Posts: 8,985	You do know that some of those "EVER WONDER" are pretty obvious on why they don't do that.