This has got steak & a blowjob day beat by a mile

[CDSmith]

THE PERFECT DAY according to both sexes:


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants
open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle
hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full
length mirror
7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments
received from other diners/dancers.
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:05 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying sh-- while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin ( 1234 lbs.) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,
naturally).
6:45 sh--, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep



Ain't in the truth?

[BRISK]

her growler

[GTS Mark]

That is the best day I could ever imagine in my life!

DH

[robfantasy]

haha did u make that up?!

[jact]

Amen, heaven indeed.

[Roald]

[CDSmith]

Originally posted by robfantasy
haha did u make that up?!

Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

[uchase/webpry]

Originally posted by CDSmith
Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

[Manowar]

thats awesome, but predictable

[abyss_al]

awsome... by week 5 of that i would die from a heartattack

[WiredGuy]

Originally posted by CDSmith
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap

You've never shopped with a woman if she only needs 2 hours. Let alone if she has unlimited credit, this will take at least 8 hours

WG

[dennisthemenace]

Originally posted by CDSmith
Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

..and it was definitely the funniest part

[cool1]

Originally posted by CDSmith


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:05 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying sh-- while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin ( 1234 lbs.) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,
naturally).
6:45 sh--, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep



Ain't in the truth?

Yes, and to think all it takes is a good chunk of cash and it happens.

[CDSmith]

Originally posted by WiredGuy
You've never shopped with a woman if she only needs 2 hours. Let alone if she has unlimited credit, this will take at least 8 hours

WG

I guess there were only so many hours to play with.

I love going shopping with women who have unlimited credit. :D

[Martin]

Holy shit that was funny

[WiredGuy]

Originally posted by CDSmith
I guess there were only so many hours to play with.

I love going shopping with women who have unlimited credit. :D

As long as that unlimited credit card isn't under my name, its all good

WG

[hova]

I've had better days

[sixxxthsense]

11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

o man thatone alsmo laughed me to sleep!

[Jakke PNG]

Originally posted by CDSmith
Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

Seriously? I was just about to quote those two lines and say that those alone would make my day perfect.

[Gheenz]

Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section

Michael Jackson assasinated

22 second fart

That was great!!! Thanks!!!

[MetaMan]

if a woman had an unlimited CC they wouldnt leave the mall.

[Pete]

sounds like heaven.

[wdsguy]

Haha first time i heard the word "growler" used in that context

[VirtuMike]

HAHAHAHA Growler!

I will have to use that in my daily regime of pissing girls off.

[JustinF]

Originally posted by CDSmith

11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

That would be perfect

[Kard63]

If I could just get head when I wake up my days would be a lot better than they are and you can skip the next 20 steps.

[Satisfaction]

thats sounds like a fucking awesome day to me! ahh... head in the morning what a way to start the day!

[Spunky]

I couldn't fuck that many times a day

[Doctor Dre]

Amen

steak and eggs for breakfast = Perfect

Plus micheal jackson out of the map ... couldn't have a better day .


Only thing I don't like is golf

[neewwman]

Originally posted by spunky1
I couldn't fuck that many times a day

Yeah, the only times I want it twice are when I haven't had it once yet.

[fr8]

So simmilar. not. thats funny as hell.

[Firehorse]

That is mostly true and way too funny!

[CDSmith]

Originally posted by TeenGodFather
Seriously? I was just about to quote those two lines and say that those alone would make my day perfect.

Totally mon.

A 22 second fart like that would have such an equlization effect...

it would be a near orgasmic experience I'm sure.

[CDSmith]

This thread should be bumped every spring

to remind us there are still goals we can shoot for.

[Grapesoda]

Originally Posted by CDSmith

Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

[Penny24Seven]

Originally Posted by CDSmith

Only this part.....

"11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


:D

that could not have been written any better at the end hahahahahaha good job man

[brassmonkey]

fixed that 4u
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:05 roll over take the blue pills
6:07 your girlfriend/wifes friend yells out the shower is warm lets make gravy
6:09 what? two minutes im finished
6:10 im watching them do it
6:30 Massive satisfying sh-- while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked,
buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine - 2 under
11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine - 4 under
2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who
also bend over a lot displaying growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin ( 1234 lbs.) - on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over,
naturally).
6:45 sh--, Shower and Shave
7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;
7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you
watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 A night cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to
leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[Snagglepuss]

Showers

TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
- Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
- If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
- Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat.
- Get in shower.
- Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
- Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
- Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
- Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
- Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
- Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
- Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off).
- Shave armpits and legs.
- Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
- Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
- Spray mold spots with Tilex.
- Get out of shower.
- Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
- Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
- Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit.
- Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
- If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
- Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile.
- Walk naked to the bathroom.
- If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make “woo”sound.
- Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).
- Admire size of wiener in the mirror, scratch “privates” and smell fingers for one last whiff.
- Get in the shower.
- Don’t bother to look for washcloth (you don’t use one).
- Wash face, then armpits.
- Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area.
- Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
- Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner).
- Make a shampoo Mohawk.
- Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
- Pee (in the shower).
- Rinse off and get out of the shower.
- Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time.
- Partially dry off.
- Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles.
- Admire wiener size again.
- Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor.
- Leave bathroom fan and light on.
- Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
- If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go “Yeah baby” and thrust your pelvis at her.
- Throw wet towel on the bed.
- Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

more on my blog

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by Brian837

that could not have been written any better at the end hahahahahaha good job man

Come to think of it any reference to "growler" was mine as well. :D

[privatesociety]

very funny!

[nico-t]

when an alarm clock goes off at 6 am, nothing can make that day perfect anymore.

[seeandsee]

i would not change this time scale

[sojproductions]

i LOLd, I love the term growler! its stored!

[L-Pink]

"7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;"

lol,lol,lol

[Aidoru]

7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;

I laughed at the coldness and randomness of this.

[Vendzilla]

I thought my day was going damn good till I read this, some of the starting elements are there, but I know I have to work today!

[CDSmith]

I tried starting today with the 22 second fart. It worked great.

Not only for nighttime, it's a refreshing way to start your day.

[Vapid - BANNED FOR LIFE]

Throw it in the lexicon

[Itchy]

Originally Posted by CDSmith

This thread should be bumped every spring

to remind us there are still goals we can shoot for.

[CDSmith]

Originally Posted by Monotony

Throw it in the lexicon

Your bot-like randomness reminds me of Tranza. But at least you've made yourself useful here.

Thanks for the bump.