"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion" - GoFuckYourself.com

MaxDent · 02-12-2003, 11:37 AM

The Complete Military History of France

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of
French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who
inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are
victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose
two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0- 5-4
against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost,
but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the
world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of
the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also
French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat
boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep
with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread
use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French
bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the
Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by
a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of
Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to
the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish,
Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to
Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
ambassador fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Add in their current incursion in the Ivory Coast where they are getting
their butts kicked. The question for any country silly enough to count on
the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long
until France collapses?"

Aside from the camembert and some art......I'd say this sums it up.

And to think they still have Veto power on the UN Security Council.

"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion"

Undutchable · 02-12-2003, 11:38 AM

Ironically, your sig contains a French quote

MaxDent · 02-12-2003, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undutchable
Ironically, your sig contains a French quote

Excellent

cold_ice · 02-12-2003, 11:42 AM

I think Mexico kicked there ass also

Nysus · 02-12-2003, 11:47 AM

Funny, I wonder why France had their military on full alert and their jets doing 24/7 patrol 2 days prior to September 11 if France is so bad..

Cheers,
Matt

scooby doo as scooby does · 02-12-2003, 11:47 AM

Cruel, but funny

Just to stir it up a bit, France was actually the last country to conquer Britain in 1066, some guy called William defeated some guy called Harold who apparently had half his troops on vacation in Yorkshire. Harold got one in the eye for it. An arrow that is.

kenny · 02-12-2003, 11:51 AM

This is what I understand about NATO. USA funds it $360 Billion, The Rest $160 Billion. France = no military presence in NATO. I am starting to think they just want to be on the opposite side of the USA no matter what.

cold_ice · 02-12-2003, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nysus
Funny, I wonder why France had their military on full alert and their jets doing 24/7 patrol 2 days prior to September 11 if France is so bad..

Cheers,
Matt

Maybe France was in on it

After its off to france.

cold_ice · 02-12-2003, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kenny
USA funds it $360 Billion, The Rest $160 Billion.

No shit? Fuck that maybe we should keep all our cash and start our own nation with the British. We could take over the world

Ironhorse · 02-12-2003, 11:58 AM

Hey you forgot the first crusade which started this whole business with the arabs to begin with.

Wizzo · 02-12-2003, 12:00 PM

We should have colonized it during WW2, except I'm sure they didn't want to deal with all those whinny french people....lol

kenny · 02-12-2003, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cold_ice

No shit? Fuck that maybe we should keep all our cash and start our own nation with the British. We could take over the world

I think thats why so many nations oppose this war. The united states is a few steps away from having everything wrapped around their little finger.

Thrawn$ · 02-12-2003, 12:05 PM

all ya fucker are chilling, making money and laughing on scary french ashol, but we all gonna die soon.

WW3 is coming

kenny · 02-12-2003, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wizzo
We should have colonized it during WW2, except I'm sure they didn't want to deal with all those whinny french people....lol

After WWII the people of France & US soliders partied hard! No lie I was watching a documentary called "The Color Of War". They where seriously throwing down.

Mark · 02-12-2003, 12:06 PM

JeremySF · 02-12-2003, 12:07 PM

I don't understand the pretense of this thread, b/c I ALWAYS take my accordian with me when I hunt!

cold_ice · 02-12-2003, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Thrawn$

WW3 is coming

I think so too, it will be a sad day

wethoney · 02-12-2003, 12:13 PM

I believe you forgot Vietnam..

Rochard · 02-12-2003, 12:16 PM

Isn't France part of Canada?

hershie · 02-12-2003, 12:20 PM

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." ?David Letterman

directfiesta · 02-12-2003, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wethoney
I believe you forgot Vietnam..

Wouldn't mention that one ...

Dildozer · 02-12-2003, 12:46 PM

Indochine was France's Vietnam

And don't forget the time the french got their ass kicked by the english in Quebec
W00t!

Dugmor · 02-12-2003, 01:05 PM

Fuck the French

02-12-2003, 11:37 AM	#1
MaxDent Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: San Francisco Posts: 851	"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion" The Complete Military History of France Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0- 5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War - Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Add in their current incursion in the Ivory Coast where they are getting their butts kicked. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?" Aside from the camembert and some art......I'd say this sums it up. And to think they still have Veto power on the UN Security Council. "Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion"

02-12-2003, 11:47 AM	#6
scooby doo as scooby does Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: A deep dark place. Posts: 314	Cruel, but funny Just to stir it up a bit, France was actually the last country to conquer Britain in 1066, some guy called William defeated some guy called Harold who apparently had half his troops on vacation in Yorkshire. Harold got one in the eye for it. An arrow that is. __________________ In 1904, Charles Newman-Berry connected two abacus's together using specially enhanced GrapeVine thus inventing the first Internet connection. NEWMAN-BERRY CASH Paying webmaster since 1904

02-12-2003, 11:58 AM	#10
Ironhorse Pixel Pusher Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 7,093	Hey you forgot the first crusade which started this whole business with the arabs to begin with. __________________ [email protected]

02-12-2003, 12:00 PM	#11
Wizzo 2011 GFY Hall of Fame! Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Back in Texas! Posts: 15,224	We should have colonized it during WW2, except I'm sure they didn't want to deal with all those whinny french people....lol __________________ Looking for Opportunity!

02-12-2003, 12:05 PM	#13
Thrawn$ Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Mtl Posts: 4,596	all ya fucker are chilling, making money and laughing on scary french ashol, but we all gonna die soon. WW3 is coming __________________ Tracking 202 \| Start Tracking PPC Campaigns Like A Pro

02-12-2003, 11:38 AM	#2
Undutchable Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 2,217	Ironically, your sig contains a French quote

02-12-2003, 11:42 AM	#4
cold_ice Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: cali Posts: 3,027	I think Mexico kicked there ass also

02-12-2003, 11:47 AM	#5
Nysus Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 7,817	Funny, I wonder why France had their military on full alert and their jets doing 24/7 patrol 2 days prior to September 11 if France is so bad.. Cheers, Matt

02-12-2003, 11:51 AM	#7
kenny Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 7,245	This is what I understand about NATO. USA funds it $360 Billion, The Rest $160 Billion. France = no military presence in NATO. I am starting to think they just want to be on the opposite side of the USA no matter what.

02-12-2003, 12:06 PM	#15
Mark Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 600

02-12-2003, 12:07 PM	#16
JeremySF Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,236	I don't understand the pretense of this thread, b/c I ALWAYS take my accordian with me when I hunt! __________________ ICQ: 176050593 / AIM: JerSF2000 "Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions." ---------------------------------------------

02-12-2003, 12:13 PM	#18
wethoney So Fucking Banned Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,032	I believe you forgot Vietnam..

02-12-2003, 12:16 PM	#19
Rochard Jägermeister Test Pilot Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: NORCAL Posts: 74,038	Isn't France part of Canada? __________________ “The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.” - Sarah Huckabee Sanders YNOT MAIL \| THE BEST ADULT MAILING SOLUTION

02-12-2003, 12:20 PM	#20
hershie Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 4,642	"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." ?David Letterman

02-12-2003, 12:46 PM	#22
Dildozer Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Montreal Posts: 7,519	Indochine was France's Vietnam And don't forget the time the french got their ass kicked by the english in Quebec W00t! __________________ Spam link here

02-12-2003, 01:05 PM	#23
Dugmor The Traffic Cowboy Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: BP4L - Vice Prez Posts: 7,596	Fuck the French __________________ JesusEmpire - The Most Trusted Mobile Marketing Service SMS Verification codes for 345 websites including: Tinder - Bumble - Twitter - TikTok - Instagram - Facebook