"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion"
 

The Complete Military History of France

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of
French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who
inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are
victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose
two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion - France goes 0- 5-4
against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost,
but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the
world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of
the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also
French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British
footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat
boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep
with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread
use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French
bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the
Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by
a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of
Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to
the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish,
Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to
Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese
ambassador fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Add in their current incursion in the Ivory Coast where they are getting
their butts kicked. The question for any country silly enough to count on
the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long
until France collapses?"

Aside from the camembert and some art......I'd say this sums it up.

And to think they still have Veto power on the UN Security Council.

"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion"

Ironically, your sig contains a French quote :winkwink:

Excellent :thumbsup

I think Mexico kicked there ass also:)

Funny, I wonder why France had their military on full alert and their jets doing 24/7 patrol 2 days prior to September 11 if France is so bad..

Cheers,
Matt

Cruel, but funny :)

Just to stir it up a bit, France was actually the last country to conquer Britain in 1066, some guy called William defeated some guy called Harold who apparently had half his troops on vacation in Yorkshire. Harold got one in the eye for it. An arrow that is.

This is what I understand about NATO. USA funds it $360 Billion, The Rest $160 Billion. France = no military presence in NATO. I am starting to think they just want to be on the opposite side of the USA no matter what.

Maybe France was in on it:BangBang: After its off to france.

No shit? Fuck that maybe we should keep all our cash and start our own nation with the British. We could take over the world:thumbsup

Hey you forgot the first crusade which started this whole business with the arabs to begin with.

We should have colonized it during WW2, except I'm sure they didn't want to deal with all those whinny french people....lol

I think thats why so many nations oppose this war. The united states is a few steps away from having everything wrapped around their little finger.

all ya fucker are chilling, making money and laughing on scary french ashol, but we all gonna die soon.

WW3 is coming :(

After WWII the people of France & US soliders partied hard! No lie I was watching a documentary called "The Color Of War". They where seriously throwing down. :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh

I don't understand the pretense of this thread, b/c I ALWAYS take my accordian with me when I hunt!

I think so too, it will be a sad day:BangBang:

I believe you forgot Vietnam..

Isn't France part of Canada?

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." ?David Letterman

Wouldn't mention that one ...

Indochine was France's Vietnam

And don't forget the time the french got their ass kicked by the english in Quebec
W00t!:1orglaugh