Joke Thread

[Slick]

One night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight promise! Well, the hours
passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times,
then said "oh fuck!," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

[Kat - Fast]

lol - you fucker!
that is pasted on one of my gallery pages - i try and have something funny on all of them

try this one

A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh shrimps, ripping

their heads and shells off, and then throwing them out the window.

After he had gobbled a few of them down, an older woman opposite of him said;

"Would you mind not doing that? It is just too disgusting to watch!"

He replied; "Listen Love, It's got nothing to do with you. I've paid my fare

for this journey, and I'll do what I damn well want to do on this train.!"

He carried on ripping the heads and shells off the shrimp, throwing
them out the window, and eating the shrimps.

Finally he had finished his bag of shrimps and settled back for a little
nap.

The woman then started some knitting, and all the man could hear while he
was

trying to nap, was the incessant clicking of her knitting needles.

After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman; "Could you please
stop

that noise? Can't you see that I'm trying to sleep here?!"

The woman than explains; "It's got nothing to do with you. I've paid my
fare,

and I'll do what I want to do on this train!"

At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting needles and threw it all out

the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm
cord.

The man then burst out laughing and said; "Ha, ha, you'll get fined at
least

$200. for that!"

To which the woman replied; "And you'll get six years when the police
smell your finger!"

[Slick]

Ha ha ha Kat, I actually didn't get it from your page, to be honest, I don't think that I ever was on your page.

A buddy of mine emailed it over to me, so maybe he got it from your page, he he he.

[ElvisManson]

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the
preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation
departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The preacher said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Preacher."
The preacher questioned, "How come I don't see you except for Christmas and
Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

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