The Secret Google Algorithm: Explained

[xxxjay]

What many of you may not know is the most important seminars at conventions are held behind closed door. This years Phoenix Forums were no exception. On Saturday around five in the morning the secret, the Google algorithm was explained to a select small group of webmasters. The notes have been uncovered and are posted here on GFY.

FIGURE A: Represents the highly guarded Google search technology in action.

FIGURE B: Represents my nuts doing the windmill. The workings of FIGURE A are determined by which way my nuts are doing the windmill at the time. Many in the SEO community believe that when my nuts are windmilling to the right; highly optimized search pages tend to get better ranking.

FIGURE C: Represents the SERPs (Search Engine Result Pages) ? you will notice in FIGURE B that my nuts are actually windmilling to the right and highly sought after search terms have been pushed to the top.

FIGURE D: Represents Wired Guy, Kush, and the rest of the SEO community speculating on the direction of my nuts doing the windmill and optimizing their pages accordingly.

There you have it ? the secret Google algo explained. Who says you can never find the good shit on the boards?

[doober]

sounds about right, wait till orcle ask you about the priority id tho...

[Trax]

lol

[zagi]

Once again I am surpised by how much information industry insiders reveal on this forum!

[TheSwed]

[Phoenix]

haha...yeah that can't be it..where's page two?

[Jdoughs]

Damn man you promised not to make that public knowledge!!!

now we're fucked!

[MPBWhitney]

LOL

U need to keep that book and start a collection.. one for every show! They will contain all the secret magical stuff that is discussed at wee hours in the morning.

Whitney

[Tera]

That lesson was highly anticipated by many and definilty worth our time! LOL

LOVE IT

[sherie]

The Secret Society of the Algorithim!

[jerseygirls]

Jay,

U should put up a paypal link. Anyone who reads this thread should feel guilty for not paying for such amazing info.

Thanks,

[WiredGuy]

Hahahahahaha, this is funny on so many levels. The relevations that came to us that night was hilarious

WG

[HollywoodChris]

hahaha!!

I bet the story of how this came about would be a great addition
to Volume# 3 "Jay's True Hollywood Stories"

[beergood]

thats pretty fucking funny

[Platinum Adam]

LOL, Jay that is good stuff bro!

[Heywood Jablome]

Damn! This is going to win the Adult Beat Thread of the Day for sure!

[doornx]

i knew it...i knew it all along

[Ludedude]

Originally posted by Phoenix
haha...yeah that can't be it..where's page two?

That's reserved for the 1337 yo!

[-=HOAX=-]

Jay, I'd like to chat with you a bit with you if you have some time...I think it'd be worth your while.

edit:ICQ#103-771

[cherrylula]

let us know when you figure out yahoo

[Peaches]

LOL! Since I'm local in GA, does that mean your nuts doing the windmill will have more of the "butterfly effect" regarding my rankings?

[Officer]

lol

[gornyhuy]

Originally posted by Peaches
LOL! Since I'm local in GA, does that mean your nuts doing the windmill will have more of the "butterfly effect" regarding my rankings?

His nuts are going back in time to prevent you from dying?

[newbreed]

It's all so clear to me now!

[xxxjay]

Originally posted by WiredGuy
Hahahahahaha, this is funny on so many levels. The relevations that came to us that night was hilarious

WG

You know if wired guy is learning from this - it is some serious info.

[AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE]

Retards are amazing.

[ATL_Ryan]

Jay has mad skills. His nuts may just be the center of the Universe. NMD Nuts of mass destruction.

[angelsofporn]

it all makes sense now

[Axeman]

lol, and all this time i was searching for a deeper answer. I am impressed

[beergood]

Someone else came up with this due to AdSense recent changes. Its a translation of the form letter Google is sending people who complain about their shit:

GOOGLESPEAK: Thank you for providing us with this feedback.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: Dear Chump:
GOOGLESPEAK: We appreciate your concern about decreased revenue.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: We appreciate the revenue we've taken from the traffic your websites produce.

GOOGLESPEAK: Our recent enhancements to advertiser pricing and to our targeting will affect publishers in different ways and at different times.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: We haven't figured out how to take every last dime from everyone yet but our crack team of programmers is working 24/7 on it.

GOOGLESPEAK: While your earnings per click may decrease, your clickthrough rate may also increase due to the increased relevancy of the ads on your pages.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: We're going to count all the clicks but under report your traffic. This will make it look like you're getting a higher clickthrough rate.

GOOGLESPEAK: In addition, although you are currently seeing reduced revenue, these changes are intended to increase the long-term revenue potential of the
AdSense program by driving increased advertiser participation in the Google content network.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: We think advertisers will watch us put the screws to publishers and see it as a business opportunity. We figure most of them won't notice they're not paying any less while we pocket the difference.

GOOGLESPEAK: Your AdSense reports will give you a good idea of the effect of these changes over time.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: Read 'em and weep, baby.

[WiredGuy]

Originally posted by xxxjay
You know if wired guy is learning from this - it is some serious info.

Wait until you put a PriorityGoogleID tag up against your nuts when doing the windmill!

WG

[ATL_Ryan]

If that makes sense then maybe this will too. I think Juicy belongs in this picture.

[Linkster]

Damn Jay - I thought we had this locked up
Just don't let out the Yahoo one - Google's a has-been anyway

[VeriSexy]

Originally posted by xxxjay


What many of you may not know is the most important seminars at conventions are held behind closed door. This years Phoenix Forums were no exception. On Saturday around five in the morning the secret, the Google algorithm was explained to a select small group of webmasters. The notes have been uncovered and are posted here on GFY.

FIGURE A: Represents the highly guarded Google search technology in action.

FIGURE B: Represents my nuts doing the windmill. The workings of FIGURE A are determined by which way my nuts are doing the windmill at the time. Many in the SEO community believe that when my nuts are windmilling to the right; highly optimized search pages tend to get better ranking.

FIGURE C: Represents the SERPs (Search Engine Result Pages) ? you will notice in FIGURE B that my nuts are actually windmilling to the right and highly sought after search terms have been pushed to the top.

FIGURE D: Represents Wired Guy, Kush, and the rest of the SEO community speculating on the direction of my nuts doing the windmill and optimizing their pages accordingly.

There you have it ? the secret Google algo explained. Who says you can never find the good shit on the boards?

Proof that it works great http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&i...=Google+Search

[Fabien]

SHIT
i missed this one

[kush]

Originally posted by xxxjay

FIGURE D: Represents Wired Guy, Kush, and the rest of the SEO community speculating on the direction of my nuts doing the windmill and optimizing their pages accordingly.

damn now everyhahahaha knows how I get my listings - - I'M FUCKED!

[Weppel]

Seriously?

[buddyjuf]

Originally posted by Weppel
Seriously?

the internet is a bizzare world my friend

[Yahook]

Nice topic Jay;-)

[WiredGuy]

Originally posted by Yahook
Nice topic Jay;-)

Nice alias

[Tuna]

i knew i was doing something wrong. Thanks for sharing Jay

[tranza]

Lol... You have lot's of free time in your hands, don't you?

[xxxjay]

Fresh new notes have been uncovered from Jay?s secret notebook revealing the complex inner workings of Google. Here, we have illustrated what a well rounded search engine strategy can do for today?s progressive webmaster.

FIGURE A: Represents my nuts.

FIGURE B: Represents Britney Spears.

FIGURE C: Represents me ergonomically placing my balls on Britney?s forehead.

Yes, here you can see the proof of huge payoff from a well rounded SE strategy.

[sherie]

You are a brilliant brilliant man!

[Tera]

HOLY FUCK your uncovering a lot of information here, don't uncover too much or it might get kind of embarassing LOL

[angelsofporn]

balls

[ATL_Ryan]

[WiredGuy]

Originally posted by xxxjay


Fresh new notes have been uncovered from Jay?s secret notebook revealing the complex inner workings of Google. Here, we have illustrated what a well rounded search engine strategy can do for today?s progressive webmaster.

FIGURE A: Represents my nuts.

FIGURE B: Represents Britney Spears.

FIGURE C: Represents me ergonomically placing my balls on Britney?s forehead.

Yes, here you can see the proof of huge payoff from a well rounded SE strategy.

Proof that the above representation works:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/links/celebs.html

[MPBWhitney]

LOL





I love that book!

[kush]

Originally posted by xxxjay


Fresh new notes have been uncovered from Jay?s secret notebook revealing the complex inner workings of Google. Here, we have illustrated what a well rounded search engine strategy can do for today?s progressive webmaster.

FIGURE A: Represents my nuts.

FIGURE B: Represents Britney Spears.

FIGURE C: Represents me ergonomically placing my balls on Britney?s forehead.

Yes, here you can see the proof of huge payoff from a well rounded SE strategy.

According to your drawing, you have 2 penises. Is being 'double-dicked' the secret to high SE rankings?