Things Computers CAN Do...

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  • X37375787
    • Aug 2026

    #1

    Things Computers CAN Do...

    ... at least in movies:


    1. Word processors never display a cursor.
    2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
    3. Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
    4. All monitors display inch-high letters.
    5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.
    6. Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
    7. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES" on any near-by keyboard.
    8. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".)
    9. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer even if it's turned off.
    10. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. (Really advanced computers will also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)
    11. All computer panels operate on thousands of volts and have explosive devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and an explosion that causes you to jump backwards.
    12. People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving the data.
    13. A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer in the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.
    14. You may bypass "PERMISSION DENIED" message by using the "OVERRIDE" function. (See "Demolition Man".)
    15. Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems that can run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset.
    16. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
    17. When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all control panels will explode shortly before the entire building will.
    18. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (See "Clear and Present Danger").
    19. If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you insert it.
    20. Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See "Independence Day".)
    21. Computer disks will work on any computer has a floppy drive and all software is usable on any platforms.
    22. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have (See "Aliens".)
    23. Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers because the buttons have no labels except for the "SELF-DESTRUCT" button.
    24. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capabilities.
    25. Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.
    26. Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto their face. (See "Alien" or "2001")
    27. Searches on the internet will always return what you are looking for no matter how vague your keywords are. (See "Mission Impossible", Tom Cruise searches with keywords like "file" and "computer" and 3 results are returned.)
  • Wilber
    Confirmed User
    • May 2001
    • 1295

    #2
    Heh.

    The Net. Sandra Bullock has rammed a floppy disk into
    a comp and is d/l'ing to it at about 2Gb/sec. At least
    thats what the status bar gui showed. Fastest floppy
    I ever saw
    Sig NOT for sale

    Comment

    • Amputate Your Head
      There can be only one
      • Aug 2001
      • 39075

      #3
      hehehe..... funny shit man...
      SIG TOO BIG

      Comment

      • Gary
        Confirmed User
        • Aug 2001
        • 6110

        #4
        I always wondered how he uploaded virus in Independednce day. I realize he was a genious, but wow!

        Up to 35$ per join...!

        Comment

        • Amputate Your Head
          There can be only one
          • Aug 2001
          • 39075

          #5
          Lawnmower Man was one of my favorite movies... that shit fuckin' kicked ass man! I wanna project my conciousness into a mainframe!
          SIG TOO BIG

          Comment

          • Wilber
            Confirmed User
            • May 2001
            • 1295

            #6
            Originally posted by Amputate Your Head:
            Lawnmower Man was one of my favorite movies... that shit fuckin' kicked ass man! I wanna project my conciousness into a mainframe!
            Pierce Brosnan kept yakin' into his voice log at home. The
            recorder was running while his wife bitched at him. Doctor
            Angelo's raw capture must have been a 70Tb file. Awesomely
            huge hard drives the shop must have provided :O


            Sig NOT for sale

            Comment

            • Roberto
              Confirmed User
              • Oct 2001
              • 1459

              #7
              Originally posted by Wilber:
              Heh.

              The Net. Sandra Bullock has rammed a floppy disk into
              a comp and is d/l'ing to it at about 2Gb/sec. At least
              thats what the status bar gui showed. Fastest floppy
              I ever saw
              And every machine is a mac. of course.

              i'm a legend in my spare time.

              Comment

              • X37375787

                #8
                Originally posted by Roberto:
                And every machine is a mac. of course.


                Oh yes of course. I remember the 4 G4s + Apple TFTs in Unbreakable that were positioned in the background while Bruce was talking to Samuel in the final scene.


                ------------------
                ...just call me Telefax.

                Comment

                • fever
                  Confirmed User
                  • Apr 2001
                  • 228

                  #9
                  Why wouldnt they use Mac when ever Microsoft uses Macs in the commercial for WinXP?

                  Comment

                  • onlyreal
                    Confirmed User
                    • Jun 2001
                    • 853

                    #10
                    in other one

                    she put a disk and see jenna jameson in action

                    and start to masturbate(himm wait.. was it on my dream or in film?

                    Originally posted by Wilber:
                    Heh.

                    The Net. Sandra Bullock has rammed a floppy disk into
                    a comp and is d/l'ing to it at about 2Gb/sec. At least
                    thats what the status bar gui showed. Fastest floppy
                    I ever saw


                    [This message has been edited by onlyreal (edited 11-05-2001).]

                    Comment

                    • onlyreal
                      Confirmed User
                      • Jun 2001
                      • 853

                      #11
                      we talked it with my designer friend

                      he says high end designer and others guys use mac for thier works
                      may be this is an answer for you

                      hey guys
                      in Turkish film about history going on 1450s

                      one of actor wears casio watch while he is shooting enemy with his arrows
                      Originally posted by fever:
                      Why wouldnt they use Mac when ever Microsoft uses Macs in the commercial for WinXP?

                      Comment

                      • Roberto
                        Confirmed User
                        • Oct 2001
                        • 1459

                        #12
                        you need macs if you're doing lots of print jobs, but there's no need for one if you're doing photoshop/flash/illustartor or anything for web with today's pcs, but macs have better looks so i guess that's why they get the contracts (no flame, i have both mac and pc) anyway you can't do serious movie video with a mac (just sgi)
                        i'm a legend in my spare time.

                        Comment

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