Sensitivity treament for those cruel Americans! - GoFuckYourself.com

eRock · 01-11-2003, 03:26 PM

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of
a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Attached is a copy of a letter they received back:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard
loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you,
we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be
called the "Liberals accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK, for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has
been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to
your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call
him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally
demanded in your letter of admonishment.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We
will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for
Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it
rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your
water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that
hasn't been completely remedied.

Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage: "Does
not play well with others." Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely
violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his
"attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
differences.He will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came back

negative so not to worry. We understand that you plan to offer counseling
and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in
hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a

pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate
these skills at your next yoga group.

He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in
your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually)
since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he will be
eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for their use
several copies of the Q'uran.

Oh - and rest assured he absolutely loves animals, especially cats and dogs.
He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more than 2 or
3 days dead.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you,
who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think

this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people to
interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise
in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help you do your
job better.

Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize
your property, and arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206 laws,codes,
regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're really there
just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way. That is what you
wanted, right?

Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of
the citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be
watching!

Cordially,

GWB

Babaganoosh · 01-11-2003, 03:40 PM

Oh man, that's classic. Why couldn't I have gotten a copy of that when the world was whining about how we were treating the prisoners we had in Cuba.

01-11-2003, 03:26 PM	#1
eRock Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Chi-town Posts: 3,112	Sensitivity treament for those cruel Americans! A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Attached is a copy of a letter they received back: The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC Dear Concerned Citizen: Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK, for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter. He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage: "Does not play well with others." Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.He will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came back negative so not to worry. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for their use several copies of the Q'uran. Oh - and rest assured he absolutely loves animals, especially cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more than 2 or 3 days dead. Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help you do your job better. Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize your property, and arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206 laws,codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way. That is what you wanted, right? Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of the citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching! Cordially, GWB __________________ Swiftwill Hosting

01-11-2003, 03:40 PM	#2
Babaganoosh ♥♥♥ Likes Hugs ♥♥♥ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: /home Posts: 15,841	Oh man, that's classic. Why couldn't I have gotten a copy of that when the world was whining about how we were treating the prisoners we had in Cuba. __________________ I like pie.