My new workout routine/diet - GoFuckYourself.com

Playful Me · 01-24-2005, 11:02 AM

Ynot Bob and LAJ had a woman on who wrote a book called the sex diet. I did some research and found this - thought I would share my new diet/workout routine..

The Act of Insertion

If the man is ready (same vice-versa).........1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa).........274 calories

Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Normal size............22 calories
Oversize.................15 calories
Tremendous............8 calories
Teensy-weensy.......163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom.........................................25 calories
Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities,
this position affords a better view of the clock.
From the rear (Mysterious variation)..............................40 1/2 calories
Standing
Both partners of equal height......................................18 calories
Woman 1 foot taller than a man..................................90 calories
The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air
in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction
While in traction.......................................... ...................124 calories
(very useful during ski season)
Locations
On a bar stool....................20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories
In a phone booth
Standing.......................14 calories
lying down...................274 calories
On an airliner
Aisle seat....................24 calories
Middle seat.................42 calories
Window seat...............30 calories
In the lavatory.............100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing........................7 calories
Sliding around................9 calories
Serious Skidding............12 calories
Full cartwheel................20 calories
Whiplash........................27 calories
Knee burn.......................6 calories
Chafed elbows...............5 calories
Chafed nose...................11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp).....................................3 calories
Wheezing.......................................... ...............5 calories
Squeals........................................... .................4 calories
Ecstatic moaning........................................... ...11 calories
Low growling.......................................... ........8 calories
Squishing......................................... ................10 calories
Shouting.......................................... .................16 calories
Screaming......................................... ...............18 calories
Urgent begging........................................... ......22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories
"Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more"
are common examples
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go................................................ ..........5 1/2 calories
Controlling yourself.........................................7 9 calories
Digging nails in your partners back back.........11 calories
Trembling......................................... ...............15 calories
Shaking........................................... .................20 calories
Shuddering........................................ ..............25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open................................33 calories
Orgasm
Real............27 calories
Faked.........160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didnt change...............1/2 calorie
Face turned purple........................15 calories
Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories
Magical explosions.......................10 calories
Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories
Earth moved..................................30 calories
Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories
You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories

Multiple Orgasms
For woman
2......14 calories
5......30 calories
8......47 calories
Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped.
Special Orgasms
Clitoral...............15 calories
Vaginal...............21 calories
Penile.................21 calories
Scrotile..............15 calories
Rectal................25 calories
Oral...................30 calories
(can also occur during an especially good meal)
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:

Swooning.........................6 calories
Palpitations......................10 calories
Shortness of breath..........5 calories
Perspiring........................8 calories

Recovering
Un-entwining......................................... ...3 calories
Regaining motor control of pevis.............7 calories
After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist
to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk ( put one foot
in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going
to the bathroom or getting a juice.
Standing up...............................................9 calories
Getting some juice....................................11 calories
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
After intercourse............18 calories
Classic behavior for shiftless men who believe they've done their job and are now entitled to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring.

During intercourse.........32 calories

Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.
During foreplay.............12 calories
Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.
Trying Again
If the woman is ready...........5 calories
If the man is not....................156 calories
Group Sex
Introducing yourself.....................3 calories
Overcoming shyness....................8 calories
Swapping partners
Willingly.................................4 calories
Unwillingly.............................62 calories
Jealousy......................................16 calories
Partner having more fun than you are
Mixed doubles............................26 calories
Being nice to everyone...............100 calories
Anger..........................................10 calories
You suddenly realise that you're wanted for you body and not your mind.
Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D.
Finding your clothes....................5 calories
Masturbation
For pleasure only...................................6 calories
For exercise, too....................................10 calories
For relief from tension...........................12 calories
To pass the time.....................................7 calories
To avoid overeating...............................16 calories
To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories
To get in touch with outter self..............10 1/4 calories
To avoid insanity..................................24 calories
To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories

Using
Your hand(s):
Regular way......................................11 calories
Your finger(s)...................................9 calories
Tweezers.......................................... ....2 calories
An inflatable doll.................................24 calories
Any fruit or vegetable..........................19 calories
except watermelon or a sprig of parsley
A vibrator:
Hand-operated.................................12 calories
Windup............................................ 9 calories
Electric.......................................... ..5 calories
Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories
In a pornographic movie theater
Purchasing the ticket.........................2 1/2 calories
Finding isolated seat.........................78 calories
Adjusting raincoat.............................3 calories
Getting Caught
By partner's spouse.........60 calories
By your spouse................60 1/2 calories
Trying to explain.............165 calories
Stuttering.........................28 calories
Throwing-up...................40 calories

Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed
Almost Getting Caught
Trying to remain calm...........................100 calories
Fright (includes trembling)...................66 calories
Leaping out of bed................................25 calories
Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories
Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories
Jumping out of window........................15 calories
add 5 calories if window wasnt open
Landing........................................... .....1 calorie
Running very fast.................................50 calories

BT · 01-24-2005, 11:09 AM

hahahahaha Gotta love it

axelcat · 01-24-2005, 11:12 AM

good luck

DEA - banned for life · 01-24-2005, 11:13 AM

tranza · 01-24-2005, 11:17 AM

LOL!!! Cool list.

UniversalPass Pete · 01-24-2005, 11:17 AM

You certainly put some thought into it!

David! · 01-24-2005, 11:32 AM

My results are confidentials

Just_Dave · 01-24-2005, 11:42 AM

invasion · 01-24-2005, 11:48 AM

What the fuck

what kinda shit is that

hahaha....

TheLegacy · 01-24-2005, 11:53 AM

good lord.. thats my christmas list !!

Playful Me · 01-24-2005, 11:57 AM

This of course was my favorite:

Orgasm
Real............27 calories
Faked.........160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didnt change...............1/2 calorie
Face turned purple........................15 calories
Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories
Magical explosions.......................10 calories
Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories
Earth moved..................................30 calories
Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories
You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories

Multiple Orgasms
For woman
2......14 calories
5......30 calories
8......47 calories

invasion · 01-24-2005, 12:33 PM

what did you go from 275 to 274?

Rui · 01-24-2005, 12:36 PM

I hope you copy/pasted that rather than write it yourself...I mean it means you have way way too much free time on your hands

Playful Me · 01-24-2005, 01:05 PM

copy and paste - with a nationally syndicated TV show appearance, and massive amounts of press requests not to mention the wholesale biz.... barely had time to edit it and make it postable.

invasion · 01-24-2005, 02:23 PM

hahahah

Now thats fucking funny!!!!

who's footin the bill for all of your stuff Melissa?

sure not you - your landlord called here looking for you

01-24-2005, 11:02 AM	#1
Playful Me Registered User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Boca Raton, FL Posts: 84	My new workout routine/diet Ynot Bob and LAJ had a woman on who wrote a book called the sex diet. I did some research and found this - thought I would share my new diet/workout routine.. The Act of Insertion If the man is ready (same vice-versa).........1/4 calories If the woman is not (same vice-versa).........274 calories Satisfying Partner (organ size) Normal size............22 calories Oversize.................15 calories Tremendous............8 calories Teensy-weensy.......163 calories Positions Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories Woman on top, man on bottom.........................................25 calories Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock. From the rear (Mysterious variation)..............................40 1/2 calories Standing Both partners of equal height......................................18 calories Woman 1 foot taller than a man..................................90 calories The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction While in traction.......................................... ...................124 calories (very useful during ski season) Locations On a bar stool....................20 calories Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories In a phone booth Standing.......................14 calories lying down...................274 calories On an airliner Aisle seat....................24 calories Middle seat.................42 calories Window seat...............30 calories In the lavatory.............100 calories Possible Side Effects of Intercourse Bouncing........................7 calories Sliding around................9 calories Serious Skidding............12 calories Full cartwheel................20 calories Whiplash........................27 calories Knee burn.......................6 calories Chafed elbows...............5 calories Chafed nose...................11 calories Sex Related Noises Short gasps (per gasp).....................................3 calories Wheezing.......................................... ...............5 calories Squeals........................................... .................4 calories Ecstatic moaning........................................... ...11 calories Low growling.......................................... ........8 calories Squishing......................................... ................10 calories Shouting.......................................... .................16 calories Screaming......................................... ...............18 calories Urgent begging........................................... ......22 calories Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories "Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples Approaching Orgasm Letting go................................................ ..........5 1/2 calories Controlling yourself.........................................7 9 calories Digging nails in your partners back back.........11 calories Trembling......................................... ...............15 calories Shaking........................................... .................20 calories Shuddering........................................ ..............25 calories Trying to keep eyes open................................33 calories Orgasm Real............27 calories Faked.........160 calories Orgasmic Intensity Scale Expression didnt change...............1/2 calorie Face turned purple........................15 calories Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories Magical explosions.......................10 calories Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories Earth moved..................................30 calories Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories Multiple Orgasms For woman 2......14 calories 5......30 calories 8......47 calories Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped. Special Orgasms Clitoral...............15 calories Vaginal...............21 calories Penile.................21 calories Scrotile..............15 calories Rectal................25 calories Oral...................30 calories (can also occur during an especially good meal) Possible Side Effects of Good Sex The first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include: Swooning.........................6 calories Palpitations......................10 calories Shortness of breath..........5 calories Perspiring........................8 calories Recovering Un-entwining......................................... ...3 calories Regaining motor control of pevis.............7 calories After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk ( put one foot in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting a juice. Standing up...............................................9 calories Getting some juice....................................11 calories Rolling Over and Going to Sleep After intercourse............18 calories Classic behavior for shiftless men who believe they've done their job and are now entitled to a rest. This "rest" may include snoring. During intercourse.........32 calories Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction. During foreplay.............12 calories Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest. Trying Again If the woman is ready...........5 calories If the man is not....................156 calories Group Sex Introducing yourself.....................3 calories Overcoming shyness....................8 calories Swapping partners Willingly.................................4 calories Unwillingly.............................62 calories Jealousy......................................16 calories Partner having more fun than you are Mixed doubles............................26 calories Being nice to everyone...............100 calories Anger..........................................10 calories You suddenly realise that you're wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D. Finding your clothes....................5 calories Masturbation For pleasure only...................................6 calories For exercise, too....................................10 calories For relief from tension...........................12 calories To pass the time.....................................7 calories To avoid overeating...............................16 calories To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories To get in touch with outter self..............10 1/4 calories To avoid insanity..................................24 calories To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories Using Your hand(s): Regular way......................................11 calories Your finger(s)...................................9 calories Tweezers.......................................... ....2 calories An inflatable doll.................................24 calories Any fruit or vegetable..........................19 calories except watermelon or a sprig of parsley A vibrator: Hand-operated.................................12 calories Windup............................................ 9 calories Electric.......................................... ..5 calories Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories In a pornographic movie theater Purchasing the ticket.........................2 1/2 calories Finding isolated seat.........................78 calories Adjusting raincoat.............................3 calories Getting Caught By partner's spouse.........60 calories By your spouse................60 1/2 calories Trying to explain.............165 calories Stuttering.........................28 calories Throwing-up...................40 calories Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed Almost Getting Caught Trying to remain calm...........................100 calories Fright (includes trembling)...................66 calories Leaping out of bed................................25 calories Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories Jumping out of window........................15 calories add 5 calories if window wasnt open Landing........................................... .....1 calorie Running very fast.................................50 calories __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

01-24-2005, 11:09 AM	#2
BT Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Ft liquordale FL Posts: 6,481	hahahahaha Gotta love it __________________ IS Prime Hosting Bald Head Shine "BT" The American Dream, baby! " THE HOST WITH THE MOST!" My ICQ 122994792

01-24-2005, 11:17 AM	#5
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	LOL!!! Cool list. __________________ I'm just a newbie.

01-24-2005, 11:17 AM	#6
UniversalPass Pete Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Los Angeles, CA http://www.universalpass.com Posts: 7,368	You certainly put some thought into it! __________________ V4.0 It's Here! NOT JUST AVS ANYMORE! Teen Whore Fetish All Milf Sluts Real Asian Cunts All Latina Cunts Massive XXX Boobs All Out Anal Since 1997. ICQ: 107746038

01-24-2005, 11:32 AM	#7
David! By the wrath of Agamemnon Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Miami Posts: 6,501	My results are confidentials __________________ .

01-24-2005, 11:12 AM	#3
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450	good luck

01-24-2005, 11:13 AM	#4
DEA - banned for life V.I.P. Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: InYour Head Posts: 7,886

01-24-2005, 11:42 AM	#8
Just_Dave Its almost time Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 13,009

01-24-2005, 11:48 AM	#9
invasion Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: boca raton, fl Posts: 218	wtf??? What the fuck what kinda shit is that hahaha....

01-24-2005, 11:53 AM	#10
TheLegacy SEO Connoisseur Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Brantford, Ontario Posts: 17,115	good lord.. thats my christmas list !! __________________ SEO Connoisseur Microsoft Teams: Robert Warren SEO Telegram: @TheLegacy54 RobertWarrenSEO.com

01-24-2005, 11:57 AM	#11
Playful Me Registered User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Boca Raton, FL Posts: 84	This of course was my favorite: Orgasm Real............27 calories Faked.........160 calories Orgasmic Intensity Scale Expression didnt change...............1/2 calorie Face turned purple........................15 calories Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories Magical explosions.......................10 calories Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories Earth moved..................................30 calories Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories Multiple Orgasms For woman 2......14 calories 5......30 calories 8......47 calories __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

01-24-2005, 12:33 PM	#12
invasion Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: boca raton, fl Posts: 218	so fuckin funny.... what did you go from 275 to 274?

01-24-2005, 12:36 PM	#13
Rui web Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: On icq: 85-483-060 Posts: 9,533	I hope you copy/pasted that rather than write it yourself...I mean it means you have way way too much free time on your hands

01-24-2005, 01:05 PM	#14
Playful Me Registered User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Boca Raton, FL Posts: 84	copy and paste - with a nationally syndicated TV show appearance, and massive amounts of press requests not to mention the wholesale biz.... barely had time to edit it and make it postable. __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

01-24-2005, 02:23 PM	#15
invasion Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: boca raton, fl Posts: 218	so funny - hahahah Now thats fucking funny!!!! who's footin the bill for all of your stuff Melissa? sure not you - your landlord called here looking for you