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Message from Santa

Dear Friends

I have been watching you very closely

to see if you have been good this year

and since you have I will be telling my elves

to make some goodies for me to

leave under your tree at Christmas.

I was going to bring you all

gifts from the 12 days of Christmas,

but we had a little problem.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have

all come down with VD from fiddling with

the 10 ladies dancing,

the 11 lords leaping have knocked up

the 8 maids a-milking, and the

9 pipers piping have been arrested

for doing weird things to the

7 swans a-swimming.

The 6 geese a-laying,

4 calling birds,

3 French hens,

2 turtle doves

and the partridge in a pear tree

have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this!

Mrs. Claus is going through menopause,

8 of my reindeer are in heat,

the elves have joined the gay liberation

and some people who can't read a calendar

have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able

to get my shit together and bring you the things you want.
This year I suggest

you get your asses down to Walmart

before everything is gone.

Love,

Santa.