Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb - LOLLLL

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  • OY
    Industry Pioneer
    • Oct 2002
    • 5401

    #1

    Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb - LOLLLL

    BAGHDAD?Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber Ahmed al-Khalaf, 19, who was killed by a car bomb Monday, 200 yards from an Iraqi police station, his intended target.



    Sources within the insurgency said al-Khalaf was "on his way to becoming a glorious martyr" when he was struck down by the car-bomb explosion. Twenty-three other civilians were also killed.

    "What kind of God allows the death of people who are on their way to kill innocent people?" insurgent leader Abdulwahid al-Tomizie said. "On the one hand, I am elated that the car-bomb explosion was successful, but the loss of the suicide bomber is a tragedy, as is the survival of all the innocent people he might have killed."


    According to al-Tomizie, al-Khalaf could have killed as many as 40 innocent people, had his life not been cut short.

    "It is tragic that al-Khalaf died seven minutes sooner than he intended," said Hassan Abdul Aziz, leader of a local cabal of Sunni separatists. "To think that he was just yards from his intended target. Our thoughts and prayers are with his terrorist cell."


    No insurgent groups have claimed responsibility for the car bomb, although as many as 18 separate insurgency factions have vowed to carry on the fight in al-Khalaf's memory.

    In the past week, over 170 Iraqi citizens and U.S. troops have died in terrorist or insurgent attacks, but al-Khalaf's death marks the first time a terrorist has been killed by another terrorist while on a different terrorist mission.

    Terrorist leaders have called the incident a "wake-up call."

    "No one likes to see a senseless waste of a willingness to take human life," said al-Qaeda operative Salih al-Shimiri, in a videotaped message aired on Al-Jazeera Monday evening. "However, there are worse problems than having too many suicide bombers on our streets."

    Insurgent leaders met Monday to draft new rules to prevent bombing mix-ups like the one that killed al-Khalaf. One proposal would limit suicide bombings to odd hours, car bombings to even. Another designates "Car Bomb Only" traffic lanes to help terrorists get to their bombing locations more quickly and efficiently.

    "I had a man last week get stuck in traffic while driving a car bomb to the Mendi Temple," al-Shimiri said. "When he arrived, he found it already on fire. We don't fill the cars up with enough gas to make two-way trips, so he was forced to blow up a nearby disco. This is madness."

    Al-Shimiri added: "We all have the same goal here?the killing of innocent civilians. Let's stop working at cross purposes."

    Iraqi cleric Moqtada al-Sadr believes all insurgents must find direction in their extreme fundamentalist faith. "When I close my eyes, all I can see are the faces of all the innocents al-Khalaf will never get a chance to kill. It is a sad day, but we must not let it shake our faith in the wrath of Allah."



    Got to love THE ONION!
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  • C H R I S
    Too lazy to set a custom title
    • Nov 2005
    • 10842

    #2
    Fuck me sideways..
    C H R I S
    Retired Porn Veteran

    BH4L

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    • RayBonga
      too cool for highschool
      • Nov 2005
      • 12164

      #3
      Twenty-three other civilians were also killed.
      No that funny

      Comment

      • Don Pueblo
        Confirmed User
        • Dec 2004
        • 656

        #4
        fuck em, let em all kill each other.
        Don Pueblo
        Worlds Best Latin Lover

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        • eZe
          Confirmed User
          • May 2003
          • 360

          #5
          LMAO play with fire get burned.

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          • Tube Ace
            So Fucking Banned
            • Nov 2008
            • 4941

            #6
            The onion

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            • Machete_
              WINNING!
              • Oct 2002
              • 14579

              #7
              It's The Onion you idiots!!! - Its political satire (that arent funny btw)

              Even if it was a real news site, you should know it was fake right from the start when they say:
              "Terrorist cells in Baghdad are in mourning for suicide bomber"

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              • CaptainHowdy
                Too lazy to set a custom title
                • Dec 2004
                • 94090

                #8
                Aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha...

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                • seeandsee
                  Check SIG!
                  • Mar 2006
                  • 50945

                  #9
                  Originally posted by AVNChris
                  Fuck me sideways..
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                  • baddog
                    So Fucking Banned
                    • Apr 2001
                    • 107089

                    #10
                    Some of you blow my mind.

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                    • porndotnet
                      Confirmed User
                      • Nov 2008
                      • 317

                      #11
                      hahah. good one.

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                      • Rochard
                        Jägermeister Test Pilot
                        • Dec 2001
                        • 75741

                        #12
                        LOL. Let them all kill each other.
                        Herschel Savage
                        Brooklyn, NY

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                        • jakethedog
                          Confirmed User
                          • Jun 2004
                          • 2497

                          #13
                          I had tears in my eyes ....
                          No sig .. just me

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                          • DaddyHalbucks
                            A freakin' legend!
                            • Feb 2004
                            • 18975

                            #14
                            My gosh that is funny!
                            Boner Money

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                            • SykkBoy2
                              Jesus loves bacon
                              • Feb 2001
                              • 19969

                              #15
                              As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha

                              those guys are great
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                              • webair
                                Confirmed User
                                • Feb 2002
                                • 8531

                                #16
                                gotta love that!


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                                • Scott McD
                                  Too lazy to set a custom title
                                  • Nov 2002
                                  • 67792

                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by SykkBoy2
                                  As I started reading, I thought "damn, this has to be from The Onion" and sure enough, haha

                                  those guys are great
                                  Yup! This one got some great reactions too by the look of it...


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                                  • $5 submissions
                                    I help you SUCCEED
                                    • Nov 2003
                                    • 32189

                                    #18
                                    How ironic...

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                                    • GatorB
                                      The Demon & 12clicks
                                      • Oct 2001
                                      • 18208

                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by $5 submissions
                                      How ironic...
                                      What's ironic the story or the fact half the people here don't get it's from the Onion

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                                      • ToplistBlog_Com
                                        So Fucking Banned
                                        • Jul 2006
                                        • 2065

                                        #20
                                        The Onion is the best source for news next to the Daily Show. ;)

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                                        • cykoe6
                                          Confirmed User
                                          • Apr 2005
                                          • 4499

                                          #21
                                          Fucking hysterical. I love the Onion.
                                          бабки, шлюхи, сила

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                                          • ilnjscb
                                            Confirmed User
                                            • Jun 2009
                                            • 8957

                                            #22
                                            Funny

                                            Logistics for terrorists

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                                            • VeriSexy
                                              Join The Royal Family
                                              • Apr 2002
                                              • 25463

                                              #23
                                              that site always cracks me up
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                                              • John-ACWM
                                                Work Work Work
                                                • Nov 2008
                                                • 20060

                                                #24
                                                That should happen everyday

                                                Comment

                                                • OY
                                                  Industry Pioneer
                                                  • Oct 2002
                                                  • 5401

                                                  #25
                                                  Looove the Onion
                                                  Around since 1997, and the company that introduced "Cascading Billing" in MPA3® Affiliate Management and Tracking Software

                                                  Outsourcing With A Norwegian Twist - NordBits - Inquire within!

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                                                  • WonderWoman
                                                    Confirmed User
                                                    • Dec 2005
                                                    • 1439

                                                    #26
                                                    Originally posted by Oystein
                                                    Looove the Onion
                                                    "What kind of God allows a The Onion to go unrecognized while Jon Stewart and his Daily Show are recognized everywhere?"

                                                    This is injustice and such a waste of good satire news.
                                                    Lubna


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