If you had a friend that was dying and they wished to...
 

Ok, a just found my old best friend from grade school on (insert site here) and apparently she's in need of a new kidney, looks like she has a rare form of blood/bone cancer. Dying is inevitable. She wants to do nothing and die a natural death. She could go through Chemo, be sick, puke, lose her hair (which for guys--is traumatic for ladies) and it would only prolong her life 3-4 yrs. If left alone, she's got a good year left.

NO KIDS
a boyfriend, but NO husband
Parents both died

...so she has nobody to worry about other than herself.

Which way would you go? No care or go for those extra years (which wouldn't exactly be happy ones considering the harsh treatment).

I'm flip flopping on this. I say if she had a family she should fight it, but she doesn't and I'm trying to understand her decision, just wondering what anyone else would do in the same shoes.

I'm in the same situation, only the rare cancer is a bit different and my ex is gone. BUT after one of the surgeries I am not able to speak or make a damn phone call even. All the torture of chemo and radiation "series" have been in vain. She is right.

A friend supports a friends decision... but if you can give her some good reasons to fight, then that's exactly what I'd do. Maybe an old best friend is enough reason to stick around. ;)

She should take out the biggest loan she can get and go live the year of her dreams, and die happy on her own terms.

I would never put myself thru chemo. I have never seen it turn out good.

Support her decision. Seems like the only attachment she has left are friends and bf. Encourage her to just go spend time outside of her comfort zone...go visit the world!

God, I know I would if I had a set time left on this world.

its a tough thing..i just had a friend basically in this same situation and she elected to go thru chemo and found out that there were alot more ppl that cared about her than she thought...as for her (you obviously are one that cares alot)

i know posting the next comment will spark up gfyers...but im going to mentioned it anyways as something you and her may want to at least see...it was something that i have looked into because you never know in life and i for one am not sold on hospitals & the drug companies (afterall they make lots of money from us being sick....being sick is more profitable that healthy people)...but here it goes:

check out the following film:
The Gerson Miracle
There is another one but for the life of me i cannot remember the name (sorry)



or do some research on Dr. Max Gerson..now i know ppl are going to pick sides and more power to them...i for one DO believe that this type of diet is much better than pills, chemo (which just blasts the body with toxins)...natrual vs all the processed crap that is out there...

all i can say, do your own research and make the decision yourself...i do know that his daughter started a clinic in TJ, Mexico because the states wouldnt listen...as stated no money in healthy people...

Have her see a Naturopath, immediately!!

The lady's already come to terms with her painful demise, why do you want to send her back to 'bargaining'?

My father went through a round of chemo and radiation therapy that was supposed to be a success... Two weeks into remission his gait was all messed up. A trip to the doctor revealed it had metastasized into his brain, spine, and spinal chord. If he would have just left it there he would have lived longer and had a better quality of life. They offered another round of chemo and radiation but he refused. It was too late at that point. The next two months were a horrible downward spiral.

I was glad I moved across country to take care of him and keep him company in his final days. The sacrifices I made to be able to do that could never have been too great.

Be a good friend; respect and be happy for her decision. Be there for her to keep her company. Bring some weed, it really helps. Laugh with her, remember good times with her, lend a shoulder to cry on, hold her hair up when she's puking, and tell her you're glad you could be there for her. That's my best advice.

Sorry for the bad news :(

We've had one family member lose her battle with cancer in the past year and another win.

The medical advances they've made in the past 5 years cancer has been in our lives have been pretty amazing. Who knows that type of treatments will be available in the next few years. She could potentially be holding on for much longer than they might give her.

It's a tough call, but it's her call.

Damn that crazy ... so sorry to hear that.

I didn't realize you quoted someone else at first, so sorry, but the following is a generalized statement, please, even for those that dislike me, don't let this get ugly, I am kindly asking.

Thanks


I did not come in here for this reason to get in a pissing match but you don't know me or her or how well we know each other, or who I'm speaking of. I know how painful it is. My Mother had cancer, went through the entire chemo thing, lost her hair, lost 30 lbs she didn't have to lose, went into remission for yrs and felt good for that long, but it came back and she was in hell so I've also seen it first hand. I'm torn on it. Not like I'm trying to keep her around for selfish reasons, she doesn't even live near me (about 1500 miles away) so I can't be there to help her either and she's EXACTLY like me, doesn't want or have many friends but cherishes the few she does have. I'd like to end it there and not turn this thread ugly please.

To those of you that mentioned special diets etc... I AM SO ALL FOR THAT BECAUSE IT WON'T MAKE HER SICK, SOME OF THE FOOD MIGHT NOT BE ON HER FAVORITES LIST, BUT HELL, I STRONGLY BELIEVE even a strict diet tailored to someones sickness may not save their life, but prolong it and make it more enjoyable (energy, etc).

In the last six years I have lost a brother, my sister, mother and father to cancer. All had miserable as shit chemo prolonged deaths. It would be easy for me to say I would never go thru it ..... but another day alive is another day alive.

Hopefully I'll go in a bike wreck, drug overdose or from a venereal disease.


.

Wheatgrass shots.

Both parents have had cancer right now, so I have read up heavily on cancer treatment and I see first hand the results. Chemo's effective rate is....get ready, gulp, less than 3%. The obsession with chemo among the cancer industry is all about $$$. There's many studies that have shown cancer patients live longer without any radiation or chemo, and have a better standard of living, than those who endure chemo treatment.

You should read up on alternative treatments, Gerson Therapy, Budwig Diet. Here's a really good book that you or your friend should read - Cure Cancer.

There's many alternative, effective, natural treatments out there that have zero side effects. Just spend some time researching. Good luck!

I've had a fair amount of experience with cancer patients over the years I spent working in health care. I've seen many fight and end up losing the fight in the end, I've seen some refuse treatment and "die on their own terms", but I've also seen many fight (accept the chemo, etc) and beat the big "C" at least gaining them a few more years, some even beat it and gain much more than just those few years in spite of what doctors told them. It's all a crapshoot.

ON the personal side I've had several family members diagnosed with it over the years, a few aunts, one sister in law, one or two distant cousins..... and I have to say the dilema your friend is in is a tough call. My sister in law beat it after a 2 year fight, her hair grew back and life is just fine for her in a "so far so good" kind of way. One aunt gave it a hell of a fight and gained about 2 1/2 extra years with her family, and the other aunt also fought it but didn't fair so well, she went downhill quickly after a certain point and that was it.

Based on all of that experience would advise that taking up the fight is the way to go and that it's never over until it's over. However no can make this decision for anyone but themselves.

What does her boyfriend say? (Does he get a say?) It really comes down to what's best for her. If after all debate and mulling it over is done she still wants to go the route you outlined above then that's that and all you as her friend can do is just enjoy the time you have left with her.

Bump, any other advice. I lost one parent to cancer and some other more distant relatives and I still can't wrap my head around this shit. Want to be there for her and will no matter what, but ppl with personal experiences in alternaive treatments, etc are very welcomed.

If you prefer not to post your personal experiences with it on this board, hit me up via ICQ...

BTW, how painful, bad is it at the end if no treatment other than alterative (vitamins, diet, etc). If any of you have experience in that. (If you are comfortable talking about it). I've seen the end results of chemo and WOW, shit I could never do that either. I'm not religious but part of me thinks "if it's your time to go, it's your time". And quality of life vs. Quantity is a big one. Who the hell wants to gain an extra few years sicker than shit vs. What you get not going for treatment. (Especially when you really have nobody here other than a long lost best friend and a boyfriend in denial about everything, which is where she's at).

I've always said I would have to be given better than a 50/50 chance at RECOVERY before I would consider chemo. To be that sick and then die anyway it just torture. It's better to just skip right to the end and have the suffering end.

Who knows if I will actually be that tough if the situation ever arises for me though.

Difficult... at least to advice someone... My self, I would try chemo and whatever else there is. And, miracles DO happend!

If by "no treatment other than alternative" you also mean avoiding analgesics, please, talk her out of it. Without them, her last few weeks could consist solely of screaming and passing out from the pain.

Also, please, keep in mind that there are many different kinds of treatment. In case of things like metastatic bone cancer, which is not curable, there are radiopharmaceuticals of which the purpose is pain relief, not postponing the inevitable.

If she has an incurable type of cancer and doesn't want to draw out the process of dying at the cost of her quality of life, then have her tell that to her oncologist. I can assure you, he is rather likely to know more about cancer than all the people in this thread combined.

For all the posturing here and all of the that there is only one thing to do.

Support the decision of your friend. It's her life let her live it and stop living it on her terms.

Put your efforts into how you live YOUR life.

exactly!

fuck man.....sorry about that.

100% agree!

don't know what else to say.. that sucks...

I have found that 24 hours even one hour can make a difference in someone's life if not your own. Fate has a strange way of dealing those who don't deserve things a situation that seems unbearable and without hope.

True family is important - but there is more than that to live for - there is "you" !!

Your friend although going through some harsh treatments may only survive another year, it could be a year that either she can find peace - give others hope or merely just reach out to those around her and make a difference.

Those who do not have that choice I know wish they did - even if it was for another week rather than face the darkness or emptiness that death can bring, life was/is a gift that many take for granted. Giving up or standing strong is a testament to the character of anyone - hang on to each last moment because no one knows what medical breakthru or even a life touched that would make the entire journey meaningful.

Helping others or bettering one's self is an honorable goal for anyone - make that year count instead of getting caught up in self. There is a song, "live like you were dying" which comes to mind. Have her create a "bucket list" of things that she wants to do, that way she has purpose again to live, if anything to die without regrets.

Thank you for all of your advice... I will consider it when speaking to her and I never wanted to "alter" her path, just understand it and it appears that many believe there is nothing wrong with choosing not to get chemo, etc and I'm relieved to see that. I thank you all on her behalf. I would have supported her either way, I just wanted to know outside suggestions and beliefs. Again, thanks. Everyone have a good night! Oddly enough her biggest fear is losing her hair so I thinks she's resolved to the fact that she will die but wants to go out on her terms.

Again, THANKS GUYS =) I'll approach this as a true supporter of what she wants.

I would respect her decision, whatever it maybe

Stay Strong, I'll pray for you (and I know GYY isn't a prayer board, but lets back off the bashing in this thread please).

You are here for a reason hon, It wasn't your time to go, You must be special and even if you are an athiest, someone wants you around, including me and I don't know you. Hang in there.

my thoughts are with you

One suggestion might be medical marijuana, to help with symptoms and enjoy life.