How to Avoid a Shark Attack
 

1: Don't swim in the ocean.

Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally
large bodies of water also known as oceans. The way to determine if you
are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty.

2: Listen for the music.

In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen
carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvellous documentary
film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da"
chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets
closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect.

3: Swim with fat people.

Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know
them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1
Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds.

4: Don't go into the water without a knife.

This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the decoy)
closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the
"decoy" is bleeding profusely.....swim for your freakin' life. And
finally...

5: Don't panic.

In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
really wont help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling and can
really spoil a wonderful day out. Remember, it's not always about you!

Its ok he will save you

http://www.asiandivagirls.com/gfy/batts-mcdonalds.jpg

Lol :winkwink:

shark attacks are jawesome

I live 30 mins from the shark bite capitol of the world and surf there all the time.

I spend time in the Bahamas and see sharks while snorkeling on the reefs or swimming along the trough between the sand and the reef we surf on.

I ain't afraid of no stinkin sharks

5: Don't panic.

In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
really wont help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling and can
really spoil a wonderful day out. Remember, it's not always about you!

LMAO!

Don't piss off the female sharks...

http://www.nnteenmodels.net/gfy/shermanslagoon01.jpg

cliff notes

My biggest fear is being attacked by a Shark. I don't go in the Sea very often. On vacation I stay away from the Sea. :(

Hehe thats cool:)