ShamWow Vince Vows to SlapChop Scientology
 

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"Though his name seems to suggest that he was pre-destined for late-night gadget-whoring, Vince Offer was not always an Infomercial Adonis. He began his career as a comedy writer, (and if the reviews are to be believed, an exceptionally shitty one,) whose first endeavour was authoring, directing and starring in a film called Underground Comedy Movie, a hackish sketch comedy collection that, when released, immediately Tanked like it had a wounded Healer to protect."

"See, at the time, Vince was a recent convert to Scientology (for those of you unfamiliar with group, Scientology is like a secret club where celebrity Sci-fi nerds go to suck off each other's massive egos,) and he was counting on the support of the church to back his film. The Church of Scientology, being in favor of all things horrible, of course agreed to back Vince's terrible comedy film and provided him with all the assistance he needed, like funds, and access to massive celebrities like... Slash and... Joey Buttafucco."

"But when it was far too late to turn back, they (the Church of Scientology) suddenly decided that they didn?t actually want to invest in a sub-par Kentucky Fried Movie rip-off, and promptly left Vince hanging with the bill. Now, nobody likes getting dumped - be it from a girlfriend, a job, or a made-up religion that hates free will - but if that was all that happened, Vince would?ve probably just moved on.

But no, far from content to leave it at simple neglect, the Church of Scientology actively pursued criminal charges against Vince for general tastelessness and lack of tact?in the Court of Scientology."

"So, what? It?s tacky landscaping time for another bleach-blonde attention whore, right? Not at all! This is the part where Vince's tale strays from the norm:

He?s currently using all of the proceeds from his many ventures to fund his own personal war against Scientology!"

Full Article

Has anyone else read this? I don't know if it's true or not but it sure is entertaining either way.

hahaha Cool so Vince will lose all the money he made with those shitty infomericals and be broke again

smart move

JMK has a man crush on Vince Offer

I laugh everytime he says you should see my nuts LMAO

I do to! I don't know if I should attribute it to Vince or someone pulling his strings but good marketing move. :thumbsup:thumbsup

good for him

:thumbsup

yep.. 1 hell of a mad man crush lol

...and if you act now, he'll throw in inner peace and contentment!

Lol lol

Are you following me camera guy?

Did anyone else catch the MMORPG reference?
"...Tanked like it had a wounded Healer to protect."

That's almost as bad as my mother sending me e-mails in "lolcat"

my favorite is the "we can't do this all day"

hehe, I hate that guy, but it was a good article.

btw I love this line from that article..

"Regardless of his motive, you have to respect the sheer balls of a man who is attempting to tear down a faulty - but nonetheless international and extremely influential - religion armed only with the ability to slap vegetables apart into tiny cubes, and soak up unreasonable amounts of liquid with glorified carpet foam."

I never heard that before, WTF were you thinking Vince? Scientology?

It's OK, I'm still a fan. So long as you've dropped the quack cult...

I heard Billy Mays Beard swallowed him up in vortex of luscious black hairy death.

Er, he's trying to FIGHT scientology. Big waste of money unless he gets other people to join him...it's grown too powerful thanks to assclowns like TC.

Yea, Billy Mays doesn't like him too much - Vince essentially ripped off 2 of Mays' products and the thing he throws in the sink in the SlapChop commercial IS in fact Mays' version of it. I don't understand why it WOULD need to open up to clean, lol.