I'm so scared & I need help...
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I don't know what to do...
I am so confused & lost right now.I'm losing my mind & I'm feeling sick to my stomach.. it's making me puke.. all this fucking stress.. I'm losing it.. & I don't want to lose what's the most important to me the most.. My wife & children... I love my daughters & my wife more than anything in this world, more than life itself, & without them, my life is meaningless & pointless.. I am so fucking screwed, & hurting right now.. I know most of you don't give a damn, but I'm hurting & freaking out right now, & I'm alone & have no one to talk to & I need to vent before I snap....
I don't even know where to begin??? I need help so bad & I don't know where to go or what to do..
As some of you know, I had a fire last year.. April 27th, 2001.. in salem, massachusetts..from that point til oct24th I was homeless with my wife & children living in hotels & I was working at a taxi company & an auto salvage yard. anyway... My family & I couldnt find a home anywhere for that 6 months.. In late october, we relocated to Maine because the hotels were cheaper & our money & savings has run out.. so, here we were in this hotel in maine & I picked up a paper & called some apartment ads, & ended up moving into where I live now.. It's a nice house on the beach, but it's in the middle of nowhere & there's no jobs anywhere local.. my original plan was to get a reliable job, but on christmas eve my family & I went to visit my mom in cape cod, massachusetts.. anyway, while coming home from cape cod, I had an accident & the cars been sitting in this repair shop ever since & the bastard middle eastern mechanic says he cant find the parts because the car is 36 years old.... so... as a result of that, I was no longer able to drive to peabody, mass from here in wells maine to go to work & drive my taxi, nor was I able to find another job due to the lack of transportation.. so, here I was on the web & I made webmastering my full time job, however, without the capital for initial startup, to invest in hosting, domain, content, etc.. I had a rocky start & a bumpy ride along.. I made some money, but not enough to make any improvements in my life.. basically enough to feed & care for my family.. food, diapers, what little I could on the bills, etc.. basically just getting by, but barely & absolutely no extra for savings ... anyway.. here I am now.. I live in wells beach, maine.. it's a beach resort, & it's in the middle of nowhere... it's a seasonal rental, & this area is a tourist town, & now spring is here & my tenancy has come to an end & I have to get out & move.. I can't stay here.. my term has ended & the rent goes up to $1500 a week for the summer.. so, with knowing that we have nowhere to go, no car, & no money.. things have been really stressful around here,, my wife's been in a panic worrying about the kids & I been scared shitless because I want to protect my family & provide for them, so.. last couple of weeks I've been online trying to make money..I was online pretty much all day & night in a panic trying to make some $$ & get out of this mess,, but,, this biz is tough & many things didnt go as planned & things failed, etc, etc.... well... this past friday, the 5th, was my daughters 3rd birthday..my mother came over to pick up my wife & daughters to give them a ride over to my wifes parents house.. now.. my mother is a meddlesome bitch.. anyway.. here is is wednesday now, & out of nowhere, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I got a restraining order on me from my mother.. I think my mother is being a meddlesome & manipulative bitch trying to keep my youngest daughter.. (She's had her at her house since my car broke down).. she's always has some excuse why she couldnt bring my daughter home..blah..blah,,etc.. anyway.. I got this peice of paper today from the cops.. & it says to stay away from my mother, & her house.. but that's it.. I havent seen my wife or kids since saturday morning when they left with my mother, so, I have no idea what's going on.. but.. I know my kids are safe & they have a roof over their head.. but.. my family is everything to me.. I love them so much & I am hurting right now..cuz I don't know what's happening.. my mother is a controlling & manipulative bitch & I fear that she has put ideas into my wife's head for them to stay with her.. Now.. my wife, because of her fear of being homeless again with the kids, & because my mother sometimes is very threatening, my wife probably is going along with whatever bullshit my mother is telling her, or forcing her to do, ....... this peice of paper the cops brought over today says to not call my moms house, or to go over there.. but nowhere does it mention anything about my wife or kids.... I would call my wifes parents, but they got an unlisted number, & I cant go over there because they're in salem, mass, & I'm here in maine about 100 or so miles away with no car....
well.. in less than 10 days, I will be homeless... I have no where to go.. I have no one to help me, no transportation, & no where to put our stuff & belongings..& I only have $325 dollars saved up..... I am so scared shitless.. I do not want to lose my family.. they mean everything to me,,, I need to get a home for us..
At least my kids & wife will have a roof over their heads at my mothers house.. but I don't know why my moms being a cunt & getting a restraining order, & why she wont help us.. ...
I need to find a home so I can get my wife & kids to come home...
We've already been through so much shit together since last year, & I am very stressed & feeling sick over all of this.....
we wanted to move back to north shore massachusetts, but my mother was always trying to convince us to move to the cape near her, & I think she's pissed off because we have no where to go.. & I told her I didnt want to live in the cape, cuz there's no jobs there either...... I think she's pissed off that we're gonna be homeless again.. & rightfully so, but things are tough...
I don't know if I have the mental strength to deal with all of this....
I don't want to lose my babies & I don't know what's happening... all I know is I need to find a place to live so I can get all this sorted out.. and another thing.. I owe $500 to court for a fine & it's due before may 9th or I can go to jail...
I am just so fucking overwhelmed with all of this shit that's going on..,I , my stomach's hurting.. I can't stop choking & coughing.. I ache inside & am crying, losing my mind.. I am at a loss of what to do.. I really need help.. what few friends I have/had, I am no longer in contact with because after the fire last year, things were so displaced, & then because I'm here in maine, stranded with no phone, I lost contact with everyone......
I just want my family, & I don't want to be homeless again.. it was too much pain & difficulty the first time...
I am selling my computer... best offer over $800.
dell optiplex gx100 128mb ram.. (I think it's a 30gig harddrive (how do I find out how many gigs the harddrive is??)
windows 98se
56k modem
toshiba docsis cable modem pcx1100
dell e550mm color monitor
mouse & keyboard
comes with licensed full versions of
dreamweaver4
photoshop6
fireworks4
swish2.0
flash5
ws_ftp pro
microsoft word 2000 & whatever other stuff ...
all the cds & manuals that came with it when bought new in september 2000
I am also selling dvd player I got from gfy.. (I know it was a gift, & I appreciate it & enjoyed watching dvds, but I'm in a jam..)
best reasonable offer...
I am also selling all my domains.....
http://www.69khz.com
http://xxx-revenue.com
http://www.bluehentai.com
I also have quite a few subdomain redirects that get SE traffic, & one of those domains is generally always top 5 in keyword for netscape & aol search.. I am selling all my subdomain traffic.. I can't legally sell the subdomain itself, because I do not own it, but I can point them to your url.. there's quite a few of them..
I need to sell fast because I have less than 10days left.. might even be less than that.. all I know is the owners gonna come & boot my ass, because we were supposed to be gone already, last week.. & also, I believe my cable is due for a disconnect, so need to sell before that happens.. I need $$ to put our stuff in storage, rent transportation, & I need to find a home for my family..
I have no assets or anything else of real value.. I am so strung out over everything.. cant even think straight.. this hurts..
I don't want to lose my family.. they are everything to me.. I just don't know what to do.. I need help, & I need it bad, & I am hurting & confused... My family is more important to me, & I need to get out of this business & do what's the best for my little girls..
I know many of you don't like me, & I really don't care.. I know there'll be lot's of smartass comments & replies, but I don't care.. I am desperate.....
[email protected]
icq 112771690
