Friday's Joke
 

James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn?t wake up.

He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. ?Who the hell are you,? demanded James, ?and what are you doing in my bedroom?? The mysterious man answered ?This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter?.

James didn?t take the news so well? ?You mean I?m dead! That can?t be, I have so much to live for, I haven?t even said goodbye to my family? you?ve got to send me back right away!?

St. Peter replied ?You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated - but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.? James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. ?This ain?t so bad,? he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said ?So you?re the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?? ?It?s not so bad? replies James, ?but I have this strange feeling inside like I?m about to explode?. ?You?re ovulating? explained the rooster, ?haven?t you ever laid an egg before??

?Never? replies James.

?Well just relax and let it happen.?

And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him - emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him? ever!

The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout ?James, wake up you drunken bastard, you?re shitting the bed!?

I think you already postded this but its still good

Hahahha.


I like it.

well i havent heard that one yet ;) its cute....

lol funny and a little nasty

lol......I've had that dream!!

Didn't you post this joke a couple of times before already?

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

okay, that made me laugh! :winkwink:

lmao nice one.. very nice

Do you make these jokes up as you write them? I have to ask.

This guy named Jeff walked outside one hot August night to throw away a pizza box. There was raccoon by the dumpster, and he said to Jeff " Hey Jeff, don't throw away that pizza box."

"why not?" Jeff asked the raccoon.

"For each piece of crust you have, I'll grant you a wish." said the raccoon. Jeff peeked inside the box and saw that there were three pieces of crust.

Jeff contemplated what the raccoon said for a moment. My wife is sick with Leukemia, he thought. I'm also late with my car payment and I'm bald. I can ask the raccoon to cure my wife's illness, so we can live the rest of our lives together. Then after that, I'll ask for 250 dollars so I can make my car payment. Then I'll wish for my hair back, so my wife will want to have sex with me after she gets out of the hospital. Jeff said "Okay, Mr Raccoon. I know what I want ---"

just then, the raccoon leaped onto Jeff's face and clawed him mercilessly until his eyeballs became a pulpy jelly. Then he took the pizza crust and ran.

the end.

That joke is funny.

Story of my life dude... Story of my life...

not bad at all