That's not a dildo, it's a massager!
 

http://www.carolwrightgifts.com/prod...7396_large.gif
No shit, this is the description that went with this pic.

"A convenient way to reduce stress and relieve tension! Compact design, available in 3 sizes, is ideal for easing neck and back pain...for relaxing tired, aching muscles! Quiet and powerful; fully portable for added ease. Requires 2 C batteries (not included). Choose 7-inch, 10-inch or 12-inch. "


"Um, excuse me sweetie, but I think that thing is supposed to go up your gash."

"Is that a Dildo on your neck, or are you just happy to see me?"

Haha...bullshit..