beat this joke
 

Johnny asks grandpa: Do you still have sex with granny?
Grandpa says: Yes, but only oral.
Johnny asks: What is oral?
Grandpa says: I say "fuck you", she says" fuck you too".

thats some funny shit

How do you make pickle bread ???

With Dill Dough :)

Boyfriend and girlfriend are talking.
Girlfriend asks "How do you spell pedophile?"
Boyfriend says "Pedophile? That's an awfully big word for an eight year old!"

How do you make an elephant float?
A mug of rootbeer and two scops of elephant

What does a Jewish wife make for dinner?



Reservations



How do you get a Jewish girl to stop fucking?




Marry her

Mom gets call from school, son gets caught having sex on campus, mom is furious.

Mom tells dad about son when Dad comes home from work, dad pretends to be upset. :-) (really dad is proud!)

Next day Dad is home when son gets back from school.
He says: Well son did you have sex today?

Son says:
"No Dad, My ass still hurts from yesterday!

:1orglaugh

Cheers!,
BV

PMS goes back to bible times.

It's even mentioned in the bible.


"Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem."

:thumbsup

Check out some of the shit on my site http://www.dailyhumor.net/ - got some pretty good jokes (and even better "Funny Pics") there! Don't worry no ads or anything, just some entertainment for ya!

I can beat it:

Your mom is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sit AROUND the house!

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Did you hear that scientists have found a food that reduces a woman's sex drive by up to 90%?!?!??!!

It's called Wedding Cake!!!



A recent survey found that 25% of men kiss their wife good bye when leaving their house.
A similar studay found that 95% of men kiss their house good bye when leaving their wife!!

HMMM...... My Wife must be Jewish

Why do Pollocks bury their dead with the asses sticking up in the air?



---------



So they have someplace to park their bikes.

:thumbsup :1orglaugh :ugone2far

Here are a couple redneck jokes:

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Q: What's the first thing a woman does after coming home from the shelter for abused women?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's best for her...
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Q: What do you say to your girlfriend when she comes to you with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice...

The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also. The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti also. The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too. As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door. Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door. As Jesus walked toward the redneck, the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability!"

Q: What's the title of Christopher Reeves' next movie?
A: Superman Gets a Good Parking Spot.

Q: What's Superman's new weakness?
A: Everything.

Q: How do you stop Superman from moving?
A: Tape his mouth shut.

Q: What does Superman eat for breakfast?
A: Kryptonite, by the looks of him.

Couldn't resist adding to this awful discussion... =]

This joke is from a friend who has subsequently gotte divorced... You'll see why!


How do you make a woman orgasm?






Who cares?!

Why did man invent kitchens?
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Give her somewhere to go after I fucked her.


Why did God give women long legs?
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Have you seen the mess a snail leaves?

How do Blondes turn off the lights after sex?
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They close the car door.

What's brown and sticky?








--




A stick.

For some reason I love that joke!


Heres mine ;-))
-----------------------------
Your Mama is soooo Old, she can remember when The Dead Sea was just getting sick!
-----------------------------

Q: What do you say when you see your TV floating around at night?

A: Drop it ****** !!



Q: Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time?

A: He doesn't know he's black

Hahahahaha.
Good one.

a baby seal walks into a club...

:uhoh

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
The bear turns to the rabbit "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
The Rabbit answers "No"
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit

What's better than two roses on a piano?



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Two lips on an organ.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

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Wiped his ass

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"



Why kind of socks does a pirate wear?
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AAARRRGGHHHhyle

Have you seen the new pirate movie?
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It's rated AAAARRRRRGGHHHH

Why did the pirate go on vacation?
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He needed a little AAARRRGHHH and AAARRRGHHH





- dedicated to MEL (she's one funny chick)

lol,that's was great

yo momma so fat... she got a flat on her skates, on her way to taco bell!

What do you do when the dishwasher breaks down?

Slap her and tell her get back to work.


Why did the housewife cross the street?

Who cares. Why is she outta the kitchen?

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, ?No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.?

LOL....those are some good jokes. My contirbution:

Little Jonny walks in on his mother while she was in the shower. Inquisitively, Jonny asks his Mother "What is That?", pointing at her privates.

Not knowing what to say to her youngster she replied, "That's where an elf hit me with an axe."

Jonny replied, "Got you right in the hahahaha, huh?"

:)

Dunno if this translates well...


What's the similarity of getting head from 90 year old and being a tight-rope walker?
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You need serious balls to look down.

Alright!

What's better then winning the gold medal in the special olympics????


Not being in it!!

ha ha ha ha ?

hahahahah i like this one