GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - The next big opportunity for former porners: Christianity

http://www.spurgeon.org/images/pyrom...ro/hinn002.jpg

Think about it. Who is more pimp than guys like Benny Hinn? I mean this guy not only lives the lifestyle of a serious player, he gets worshipped for doing it!

Think of the top hip hop stars, they are hot for a while but then fade away or go onto to other ventures. None of them can fill mega stadiums full of people year after year like Benny Hinn. And look at his white suit! All he needs is a ho on each arm and will OWN the Players Ball!!!! I mean, how are most of you going to even try to upstage Benny when he invites your date back to his private Gulfstream jet?

http://www.kinnon.tv/bennyAndhisJet.jpg

I used to live right around the corner from his favorite jeweler. (Altamonte Springs, FL) I used to go to the ice cream shop next to it all the time and more than one occasion saw him emerge draped in jewels with his big black bodyguard in tow. I always made sure to say hello to him and he always responded with a wave and a smile. Of course he was always smiling, what did he NOT have to be happy about?

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Perhaps you don't want to have a "ministry" like Benny Hinn but you could at least parlay the war chest you built up in porn during the late 90's- to the present and become and incubator for music groups. You could be the Christian version of that guy who started all those boy bands like NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys.

http://www.sptimes.com/2006/12/21/images/pearlman.jpg

Use your marketing knowledge and abilities to manipulate the faithful to buy your t-shirts, posters, movies, etc.

And the best thing of all is 99% of the sales process is already complete before you even get into the business. These people already believe in the invisible man and this fairy tale has been driven into their heads since day one!

I am telling you, I have researched this and these people are HUNGRY for Christian products. People who are close to me know that I am a sick perverted fuck and sometimes I pick up girls in really strange places because it turns me on. I pick up milfs at the Whole Foods in Brentwood, had sex with my former entertainment attorney who is a gilf, and even went to church a few years ago and began dating a cute blond girl I met in the "Christian singles group".

So anyway, she turned out to be a bigger ho than many girls who never go to church (big surprise). But before we parted ways she managed to drag me to a Christian concert. I went and of course all the bands sucked balls but like a miracle everyone in the audience was "rocking out" as if it was a Van Halen concert. I am not joking. These people were so starved for entertainment they seemed to "will themselves" into actually thinking they were having a great time.

You guys might think I am joking but even back in college I thought seriously about going into the "Jesus industry".

Oh, and to put icing on the cake- instead of your porn past holding you back like it can in many industries, you could "give testimony" at churches about how you have "been delivered" from the grasp of Satan and now are pouring your marketing talents into "winning souls for Christ".

http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/d2/un...fadd09d36e.jpg

By the way, I don't mean any slight on Donny (or anyone at Donny Pauling Ministries) at all. If he truly is doing what his heart tells him to do then more power to him.:thumbsup

Seriously. I am just using him as an example of how a porn past can actually boost your career in Christianity. I mean, would he be invited on TV shows if he had not once "guided" young college girls into very brief flirtations with porn which will haunt and shame each of them for the rest of their lives?

I am sure he (and everyone at Donny Pauling Ministries) is also working 5 jobs trying to save up enough money to pay his former clients back for at least some of the content of girls who he talked into taking their clothes off. The girls are wanting the content to be taken down so they can keep a job at Mcdonalds or hope to find a nice man someday. Donny (and everyone at Donny Pauling Ministries) is doing everything he can and prays for these girls the before he goes to bed each night.

Perhaps he is just skipping all of that and devoting his time thinking of ways of "saving" those "New York types". You know so they don't miss out on the rapture lottery instead of staying on Earth and facing global issues head-on by discovering cures for diseases, helping to advance science, and starting up companies that employ millions of people and may just be the ones understanding enough to give one of Donnys former models a chance at a real job instead of firing her as soon as her porn past is revealed.

I am confident that he gave back all of his ill-gotten gains by stuffing $5 bills into those tiny Bibles and passing them out to starving orphan children in 3rd world countries instead of keeping it in the bank, in real estate, or spending it on nice clothes when he goes on TV interviews to talk about Donny Pauling Ministries.

Now, let me stress that I am not posting this to put these guys down in any way. In fact I LOOK UP to them for their bravery. I can only dream of getting up in front of an audience to deliver a speech. These guys must be getting strength from the Lord Almighty Himself. I really do believe there may be something to this "getting saved" stuff. Heck, who in the world would not want to be "saved" from spending eternity burning in hell with your all-time favorite comedian.... (died in the 90's and we wish he was still here to make us laugh out loud) :(

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h2...io_kinison.jpg

The entire band of Slayer (with the original drummer Dave Lombardo of course) (I give each of them another good 30 years or so but will check out early because 75% of their fanbase will already be in hell)

http://www.decibelmagazine.com/uploa...res/slayer.jpg

Van Halen (I give them another 20 years COMBINED) (Eddie in 4 yrs, Dave in 5 yrs, Alex in 5 yrs, Michael in 6 yrs)

http://blog.ugo.com/images/uploads/vhpic.jpg

At least 90% of the hot babes who let you poke their 3rd input after a night of heavy drinking (some may already be there, you never kept in touch)

http://www.sexycoolwink.com/photo/ph...colleg8944.jpg

The guy who throws the best parties and invites the hottest porn stars.

I give him another good 60 years or so :pimp

http://www.publicitywhore.com/pwblas...ics/djenna.jpg

The guy who can introduce you to all the "Hollywood types" (for some reason I think he will out-live his brother, then will be cryogenically frozen so it might take a few extra thousand years for him to show up)

http://www.mtv.com/shared/promoimage...al/281x211.jpg

And of course your favorite male porn star hanging out with your favorite comedian!!!!! (Sam is already there partying and Ron will be entertaining us on Earth for many decades to come :thumbsup

http://cleascave.typepad.com/cleas_c...am-Kinison.jpg

Hef and his girlfriends (the set of blondes he had 10 years ago) (some of those girls will beat him there)
http://www.ireporter.tv/Upload/www.p...0hefner(2).jpg

I don't like country music but you have to admit Willie Nelson is a cool mofo. Plus he will always be able to hook you up with good weed.
http://www.seanmoormanphoto.com/Band...lie-Nelson.jpg

Jessica Biel because she had anal sex with some guy she met on a film set and was planning on asking forgiveness from Jesus but she died in an accident so tough luck I guess! Instead of going straight to 7th heaven she ends up in Hell where she her punishment is having disapointing sex with yours truly for all eternity :liebe028: (no way could I last more than 30 seconds with her even after the 100,000th time)

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/200...LT_300_400.jpg

And last but not least.......be eternally damned by having only GFY as your main link to the outside world :321GFY (as if that will be something new for 60% of you) (already set up with a hosting account in hell with Phatservers because even Satan knows where to get a really good solid host with great customer service.

Who do you hope to party with in "Hell"?