GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - Swearing is good for you goddammit!

CURSING IS GOOD FOR YOU
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NEW YORK -- "Hey you %#@*$ pinheaded piece of dog #@%*! Why don't you kiss my big round #@&?"

In normal times, this string of invectives might be severely frowned upon in polite society, getting a person slapped or socked in the nose.

But these are not normal times, according to Dr. Matt Schweitzer of the Brooklyn Center for Sociological Studies, who says Americans need to verbally cut loose or risk serious damage to an already depressed psyche.

"The benefits outweigh the risks," says Dr. Schweitzer, who recently published the controversial study What the $#@% is Wrong with Cursing?, which concludes that we are suffering from a nationwide epidemic of Acute Depressive Verbal Repression Syndrome, or ADVRS. "Swearing and cussing people out is one of our primary release mechanisms," he says.

"But we've become too nice to each other these past few months, and it's beginning to take its toll.

"No one is trash-talking anymore. You hardly ever hear the F-word in public. That's just not natural, particularly here in New York.

"The other day I actually overheard a cabbie having a polite conversation with a tourist! If this keeps up, we're in big trouble."

Dr. Schweitzer believes that each time a person engages in false niceties, or holds back from telling someone what they really think of them, it's no different from telling a whopping lie.

"Eventually," he says, "this deceit catches up with us and we begin to feel severely depressed, which can manifest itself through any number of serious ailments, such as chronic fatigue and irritability."

If left untreated, ADVRS may potentially even lead to violent outbursts, according to the doctor, who claims he regularly berates his bosses and co-workers with strings of colorful epithets.

"If we want to be happy and whole again as a nation, we need to start cursing right #$% now."

The doctor states it is not enough for people merely to return to previous patterns.

"There has been a buildup in our collective subconscious. In order to clear the pipes, so to speak, we need to engage in as much cursing and foul language as possible for a period of three to six months in all facets of daily life, from the boardroom to the bedroom. Don't be timid with it.

"Construct compound curses. Refer often to a person's mother or sister. If someone takes offense, remind them that you're practicing good mental hygiene.

"Eventually," concludes Dr. Schweitzer, "you'll begin to feel as though the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders."

-- RUS STEDMAN

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on that note, fuck you.