We Are Your Neighbors
 

Well since there's been much homosexual to-do on the board today, and since some have asked questions about gay rights, I thought I'd post a letter to the editor that I wrote for my local newspaper a couple of months ago.

I post this with some hesitation. It's a serious piece that I wrote for a serious medium, for anyone that truly wants to understand things from the perspective of a gay man in this country today.

Obviously skip the long rant if you're not at all interested:

We Are Your Neighbors.

I was sitting here watching the news tonight as I always do, when I saw that it was starting to happen again. Commentators preaching about the need to "save marriage" and to "protect children", and condemning "activist judges". The replaying of campaign ads by some Republican Candidates, proclaiming that the Constitution of the United States needs amended to "defend traditional families", foreshadows what's in store between now and the next election.

Every time the issue of gay marriage comes up, I start hearing people talk about the need to defend "family values". I used to think I knew what that phrase meant. I used to think it was something that I lived my life by. But politicians and television commentators say the way I live my life is anything but "family" and is void of any of the "values" they recognize as being important.

When I first started hearing these things during the last election, they made me angry. To be honest, they made me very angry. This time though, I just sat there in front of my television for a few minutes, and found myself getting emotional.

Don't people understand, that we are your neighbors?

I was born and raised in this town. I graduated from the local high school, and soon after I started up a business on main street. I was raised to be community oriented, and have always done my best to give back however I can. Whether it was volunteering at the Geriatric Center during my high school years, or making donations to local charities as a business owner, I've always been mindful of lessons taught to me by my mother growing up. She taught me that while you might not be able to change the world, you most certainly can make a huge difference in your own little corner of the universe.

It wasn't but a year after I graduated from High School that I met the person that would become my life partner. He's always been community oriented as well, and has worked as a Police Officer since before I even knew him. I had just turned 20 when we met, and he was 21. It's been 9 years now since the day that we first moved in together as a loving couple.

We support each other just like any "normal" couple that you might know. I balance the checkbook because he hates dealing with paperwork, and he cooks dinner because I burn things. I usually clean the bathroom because it's the thing he despises doing the most, and he folds the laundry because I can never seem to get the jeans to crease as well as he can. We care for each other if one should get a cold, we comfort each other through rough times, and we celebrate personal achievements and triumphs. We tell each other to make a wish on our birthdays before blowing out the candles, and buy that special little something we know the other would really like. Everyone's aware that life has its ups and downs, and my partner and I are there for each other through them all.

Our story is not a unique one. There are countless gay couples like us, living in towns like this one, all across the country. We want to love and care for each other, and we want to make a difference in the communities that we call home.

We of course can't be married, and it's something that I think about often. Not because either of us has any desire to don a white dress and prance down an aisle tossing rose peddles, but because we, well: Let me stop here and tell you about one of the things I fear most in life.

As I've mentioned, my partner is a Police Officer. If someone were to break into your home in the middle of the night, and you made a frantic call for help, it might very well be he that would be the one rushing to your house as fast as he could. He would be there to protect you, and to defend you and your family from someone that would seek do harm.

Now let's say the unthinkable were to happen, and while trying to protect you, while trying to protect your family, he got shot. It's a scene that replays itself across this country all the time, and while I try to keep it distant in my mind, I know that danger exists. It's why every day as he leaves for work I give him a big hug, feeling to make sure his bulletproof vest is on right. It's why I never let him leave home without first telling him that I love him, and to be safe. Anyone reading this who has a loved one that?s a Police Officer, or a Fireman, or is a member of our Armed Services, knows the feeling well.

If that unthinkable were to ever happen, and I got ?the call?, I would want to do what any loving partner would do. I would want to run to the hospital to be with him, to hold his hand and tell him that I love him and that everything's going to be OK. If he weren't able to talk, I would want to be able to give the doctors permission to perform whatever tests, or treatments, or surgery they felt he needed . I would want to be there looking over him every minute to see he was getting the best of care, and to comfort him. His job may be to protect all of you, but in his time of need, my job is to protect him.

Unfortunately, in this country today, those are rights that I do not have as his partner.

If the very worst were to occur, and he should die from those injuries, I would want to care for my partner in death. I would want to see that he was treated with dignity and respect, is remembered as the incredible person he is, and that he is given a proper burial next to a place reserved for me when my time comes.

Those too are rights that I do not have as his partner.

I would want to stay in our dream home, to be surrounded by my memories of the times we shared together. If we were married, I would inherit "his half" of the house tax free. But we are not married, and many loving gay couples lose their homes every year because they can?t afford to pay the death taxes due after their partner dies. In the eyes of the law, my partner and I are strangers.

If the worst doesn?t happen, and my partner and I live our dreams of retiring and growing old together, there are a whole host of other challenges we will need to overcome. From our inability to get a family medical insurance plan to our lack of survivor benefits, the list of difficulties aging gay couples face is enormous.

In fact, there are over 1,000 federal laws and benefits that exist to help married couples care for and protect one another. None of those protections are available to gay couples. We are forced instead to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars having legal documents drawn up, to try and provide some meager protections for our relationships. "Powers of Attorney", "Trusts", "Living Wills", "Health Care Surrogate Contracts", the list goes on and on. None of these are legal documents that were originally designed for couples. They are often easily challenged in court by third parties, and provide none of the local, state, or federal protections that any ?normal? couple is granted by taking thirty minutes and spending $50 for a marriage license down at their local courthouse.

To make things even more challenging for us, many of the laws and amendments that politicians and commentators are currently touting would deny us even those very few slapstick protections that we are able to achieve through various contracts today. While no one can ever legislate away the love that I have for my partner, they are working to make it virtually impossible for my partner and I to legally provide for our relationship.

We are a team, my partner and I, and no matter what we will continue to do whatever it takes to care for one another. Overcoming social stigmas, stereotypes, discrimination, and an army of legal hurdles just adds to the stress of everyday life. While I try to always be steady in my resolve, sometimes I just wish others weren?t always working to make it so difficult for me to love someone.

I will never understand why so many people currently think that my partner and I are a "threat to marriage", or why they feel a constitutional amendment needs to be passed banning gay marriage to "protect children". I will never understand what these "traditional families" are that they believe I'm out to destroy, and I'm starting to believe that the "values" that they talk of will always remain a mystery to me as well.

All I know to do is be true to who I am, live a life that feels right to live, care for the person that I deeply love, and contribute to a community that has helped to raise me. As for ever being able to marry my partner, I am left with little choice but to keep being patient. I am waiting for the day that people in this country wake up one morning and realize I am not your enemy, and that I'm not out to destroy your lives or civilization as we know it. I'm here to lend a hand to you anyway that I can, because after all, that's what neighbors are supposed to do.

that was a well written article....but......


...you are still living in 2007 and it will be another 50 years for the die hard conservatives to die out.

hey boy alley

why did you call someone a fag today?

Damn - just when I had decided I disliked you, you post this.....

You bloody big puff.

Did them charities know your donations was brown money from gay porn?

:2 cents:

Your a dick head.

Great letter BA.

good read.

I thought the Police were sort of an old boy's club still. I'm surprised that gay cops are tolerated being as police generally aren't the brightest bulbs.

Great essay. This is a very powerful line: "In the eyes of the law, my partner and I are strangers."

Bull - you bought a tear to my eye - I want a policeman boyfriend to live happily ever after with :(

Wow, great read! Well done BA! Was this letter ever published?

I was wondering that!

it's a very powerful letter, especially considering that most "normal" people i know think gay men's relationships are almost completely about sex. your letter shows a real relationship and what love is all about. i hope a few of the people who read this are the ones who NEED to read it.

please go give brad a hug for me.

An absolutely beautiful piece BA ... thanks for letting us read it.

Hugs

BA that was beautiful! I hope you find a way to get that letter out there to other papers/media - I think it's a powerful piece and it's best read by many.

I take it still in the closet at work.

Spiderman's villains are gay too :Oh crap

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/6...idermanoz3.jpg

The ironic thing is that they claim to want to "protect family values" but the majority of them cheat on their wives....

If "marriage" was so sacred then 50%+ wouldn't end up in divorce and 90%+ of married couples wouldn't cheat and/or beat their spouse.

But it is all about protecting family values, because if gay people are allowed to get married it will be the down fall for hetro marriages and families.


I seem to miss the logic. Perhaps it sounds good for a campaign platform because most people are homophobic ??

What a great article you wrote. It would be great if someone published it.

Mark

richard go play with zango.

Ah admit it you became gay to double your available wardrobe :winkwink:

bump for boy alley

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

morning love!

That?s good to hear, and a huge accomplishment in today?s society.:thumbsup

So what ya gonna do about it? A Gay RIghts Suicide Bombing?
THese are the kind of letters that are written before doing something extreme.

if that is the case we can be confident that you would never be doing something extreme, because you could never write something like that muchless hold a complex thought long enough to put it on paper. :1orglaugh

Oh, if you're really my Neighbor, it's me that keeps shoveling the Rottweiler shit over your fence. Sorry, eh.

why do you fags keep shoving your gayness into everyones face?

swear to god, its shit like that that makes me want to line you all up and shoot your heads off.

Thats way to long for this Breeder to read, but gays do make the best neighbors... :pimp

Because they usually want to shove it in your ass, but thats not working.

Very good read... I'm going to forward this on to a friend of mine in Vegas facing similar issues with his partner.

I think I'm the only single guy in my entire development. Must be the neighborhood over.

Thanks for sharing. It was very moving. I knew there was more to the personna that is on GFY.

Here why BoyAlley....
"In fact, there are over 1,000 federal laws and benefits that exist to help married couples care for and protect one another. "

Why would any government want to discourage the growth of population? Frankly I think that Tax dollars going towards helping families that have had kids is better spent than sending money to "Families" that do not or umm can not have kids. I major contribution is made to the government by having children, and children are a true investment for the government.

Gays want all the benefits of a boy/girl relationship but lack the ability to actually have kids. In otherwards being gay is of no benefit to the whole of the population under a government and thus should not recieve government benefits and options many families that have kids get.

Perhaps some reform in marriage should be in order for the gay community but as far as recieving government assisted programs ought to be a no go.

You are not going to have children, therefore a gay couple needs none of the assistance the government applies to couples that have had children.

That goes right down to a tax free home when a partner dies for example. Many Married couples that have had children truly need those benefits far more than a gay couple that does not have the ability to produce children.

Thus I can see why you hate on "Breeders" so much. Fact is...

You are not a benefit to a growing society that is capable of having children why gays would expect the government to sanction this I got no idea.

Sorry, its sad but true.
Why would you expect the government to provide you benefits when you provide no future investment to it?

Gays are asking for handouts that over reach what families have invested in and what the government has invested in them.

Why do you want to short change families that need government help in having children?

This is not an uninformed or ignorant question.

Gay's want money and a pitty party story may pull the heart strings of many but when it comes to dollars and cent's none of your bullshit holds water.

If you can squirt a child out of your ass I would say hey maybe gays do need these government assisted programs but thus far, it has not happened yet.

Funny how these emo post's by the gay's on the internet come up pulling on heart strings then when the real reason why Gays should not get the help families get comes forward...

Everyone snaps out of sympathy mode right quick and realises soemthing important about marriage. Marriage is an investment made by not only the church which sucks but the government most importantly and the fact is our government provides assisted programs to couples that have invested in the countries future with children.

Real couples need these programs, gays do not.

Hey BA,
Great letter. I loved it and will share if you don't mind with some friends. Don't even bother trying to defend your homosexuality to the small minded few on this board, it is something unfortunately they will never get in their lifetime. Keep doing what you do with your head held high! :thumbsup

I say fuck what other people think...live your life how you want to live it and not how other people want you to live it...

good article btw

whats going on

Yes they are right about Family values...

Stop whining about Conservatives.

btw. it was a good article even though it sounds too much gay :)