Report from the field...20 things I learned about LA
 

Here is what I've learned from a week stint in la...

1. Its fucking HOT!
2. Never fuck with the skycaps at LAX, you'll go to Jail.
3. It's REALLY FUCKING HOT!
4. The graf scene is dying...
5. There is a horrible fucking car accident every hour of every day.
6. When philipino's roast pigs, its good.
7. Women at the martini lounge on melrose will recognize you by your ass and ask you to fuck them in the bathroom. If you can dance that is.
8. Doc marten has a dope club and MARQUEE throws down the dopest house ever.
9. Downtown LA denny's are full of thuggish looking brother's who will gladly chill with skinny white dudes if they're funny and drunk.
10. If you travel by way of freeway expect to witness multiple horrible car accidents.
11. If you go outside for a smoke in the middle of the night, the old lady in the house will lock the door behind you.
12. Disneyland is a great place to scope titties.
13. jeff's exotic fish supply has a huge range of reeftank supplies, and you can buy the dopest live rock there for dirt cheap.
14. Its fucking HOT!
15. My newly acquired phillipino cousins are HOT!
16. Toss a 5 hp briggs & Straton in a radio flyer wagon add full suspension and you can out run the police in residential neighbor hoods.
17. don't drink the water. or eat the ice cubes or even brush your teeth with that shit.
18. Even at night....its REALLY FUCKING HOT!
19. Their weed is not as good as NORCALS.
20. If you buy baby formula at a big Kmart and don't show the reciept upon leaving the store they will chase you don't and try to tackle you.

You forgot its gonna slip off into the ocean shortly.

YEs I believe there was a mild aftershock while I was there...

bwahahaha...so so true bro..those KMART reciept checkers take that shit seriously!

This reminds me of a good way to fuck with a grocery store clerk.

Go up to the register with baby formula and a 12 pack of beer but only have enough money for the beer.

When you get the total tell the clerk you don't have enough money for both...take a good long look at the formula...a good long look at the beer...then hand them the formula and tell them you'll take the beer.
:)

"True"

tell us a story :)

I'll tell you a good L.A. story. I was sitting in my office at the Universal Studios lot on Lankersham. It was a nice sunny day and everyone was happy. It was payday so that could have been the reason. The bank is directly across the parking lot so you don't have to go far to cash your check. As soon as they delivered my check I looked at it and smiled!:) I said today is going to be a good day! La di dee, la di daa! So I told my assistant I was going to the bank and then lunch, I MIGHT come back today, who knows!? She said cool.

After I put the phone down I stood up and looked out my window at the bank and I saw a police car. I was wondering 'Why is a police car in the middle of the arking lot?' I was a little concerned so I stepped out onto the balcony to see what was going on. As soon as I stepped out onto the balcony I heard machine gun fire! Machine Guns!!! Not the little bullshit uzis but AK 47s! Two guys in full body armor had robbed the bank, MY BANK, and were getting away! These guys were shooing cops left and right! Normally I would say this is some good action but this was MY BANK being robbed!

I stayed on the balcony and watched the whole thing. I wasn't scared of loose fire. These guys were so well prepared that I wasn't concerned with extremely stray bullets. They had on FULL body armor and tons of weapons. Imagine 40 police cars, 200 policemen & swat vans being shot at by 2 guys with machine guns slowly walking out of a parking lot! This was better than the getaway scene from Heat. They picked off about a dozen cops, shot at helicoptors, damaged several cars and almost made it away!

The only thing that stopped them were the sharpshooters that found the soft spot on the body armor.

Here's a link to the story http://www.cnn.com/US/9702/28/shootout.update/

I saw that on one of those 'Cops' shows.

Those guys were so money, they thought of everything... except what to do when the police showed up and they couldn't just disappear.

Yeah, actually getting away didn't seem to be in the plan. Looks like they really just came to party! I wish I had some popcorn!

Was that the whole Bank of America debacle of which you are speaking?

*Been waiting so long to use the word "Debacle" in a sentence... Thanks man!

No popcorn?
:(
Well, after what the cops did to those guys you had about 400lbs of shredded beef...
:)

Here's 10 Scrabble points for you sir.

Yes, it was the B of A war.

Yeah, I noticed that as well when I moved here from England. Only difference is I moved last November, and thought it was fucking hot then!

I haven't been outside during the day for two weeks - I think it would kill me!