If you ever got chapped lips, look in.....
 

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."



:cool-as-a

Ewwwww! :1orglaugh

Sweeet!! :thumbsup

If you liked that one you'll love this one.....


MRS RHODES

Late one evening, the day after he had lost his wife scuba diving, two grim-faced policemen paid Mr. Rhodes a visit.
"We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr Rhodes, but we have some information concerning your wife. Actually, we have some bad news, some pretty good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Obviously fearing the worst, Mr Rhodes asked for the bad news first.
"We're sorry to inform you, sir," the policeman said, "we found your wife's body in the San Francisco Bay this morning."
Oh, my God!" said a distraught Mr. Rhodes. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
"When we pulled her up," said the policeman, "she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen crabs on her."
"What?" a confused Mr Rhodes exclaimed. "So, what's the great news?"
As he smiled and smacked his lips, the officer replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

LOL

:1orglaugh

:thumbsup

ROFL!!!!

Heres one for ya


Never under estimate the little old Lady.....

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around.

"Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money >>>>>> involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She ntroduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 >>>>>> says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then >>>>>> asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

The Lone Ranger gets caught by a bunch of indians. The indians inform The Lone Ranger that he has only 3 days to live and he will be killed on the fourth day. Until the day of his death however, he can have anything he'd like.

The first day he asks to talk to his horse (named Silver). The indians bring him his horse. The Lone Ranger whispers into Silver's ear and the horse takes off on a dead run. After a little while Silver returns with a hot blonde. The Lone Ranger Spends the night with her.

The second day he asks to talk to his horse again. The indians bring him his horse. The Lone Ranger whispers into Silver's ear and the horse takes off on a dead run. After a little while Silver returns with a hot brunette. The Lone Ranger Spends the night with her too.

The third and final day he asks to talk to his horse again. The indians bring him his horse. The Lone Ranger grabs Silver by the ears and yells " I SAID POSSE".

Ugh! :ak47: