Fucked up telemarketing.
 

This morning I am laying on the couch sleeping away and the phone rings, Its 11:00am so I figure I would answer. When I answer I get click dialtone.

Motherfucker woke my ass up just to hang up. Fucking pissed me off. And then they do it again 3 more times in a ten minute span. The fourth time I let it ring for about 5 rings. When I answer it some lady tells me I am about to recieve my new MasterCard. The Evil bitch wants to know if I am over 18 and if I have a valid checking account. I politly inform her that I am an unemployed welfare junkie and an alcoholic and that I like to do lots of drugs. She asks again if I have a checking account. I says yep I need it to cash the welfare checks. And then she transfers me to some super dumb woman. She asks me if I am over 18. Then she wants me to give her my checking account number.

At this point I start laughing hysterically. The woman tries to tell me that they will not be using my checking account for any purpose other than to verify that I have an account. She tells me that she needs my routing number and all.

Finally I told the lady to go sit on a Turkey and to never call me again. And then she hung up before I could finish telling her that I could smell her rotten ass over the phone.

Watch out for these fake fuckers. They try really hard to make themselves sound professional. Even had elevator music on hold.

The motherfuckers that are starting to piss me off is Verio, fucking cocksucking assholes call me like 10 times a week. Seems they have nothing better to do than to buy a list of new domain registrations, and spam call to see if I need any hosting. Last sob that call me, I said that I was getting ready to make a site of animals fucking cheerleaders and wanted to see if they could host it :) He put me on hold and never came back :1orglaugh


Tim
:Graucho

I really enjoy playing with telemarketers when they call. One of my favorites is to ask them to hold for a second, and then make a bunch of noise like I'm having sex and then come back and say something like,"thanks for holding, I was getting laid." When AT&T calls I like to make sobbing noises and then say something like,"AT&T killed my father." That really confuses them.

I love it when the bastards try to trick you......

A few months back I had someone calling me about 3 times a day. I'd answer, and I could hear a loud TV and kids playing in the background. But the person wouldn't say anything. This went on for days.

Finally they talked one day, and informed me (as if a matter of fact) that my long distance was now going to have a monthly $2something charge instead of the $4something I have now, and this will show up on my next phone bill.

So I'm like, ummm... ok... but I never ever call long distance on this line. So he says, that's right, but your monthly fee is going down, that's what I'm saying.

At first I thought it was someone from my phone company, but then I realized how dumb it would be to call around like this.

Then he wants my social security number, address, and permission to turn off some anti-slamming service my current company has now.

HMMM... lol... I can see how they could trick a lot of people. Never once did he actually say anything about changing companies.

I've been getting calls for ADT Alarm's.

Hehe but when I worked in telemarketing a few years back I called someone in California at 9am EST, so it was 6am there. Whoops, forgot to check the state hehe :1orglaugh

Speaking of playing tricks on them. I did something awesome once, and I'm really surprised the cops didn't show up.

They called, and I listened to them for awhile. Then all of the sudden I scream "Oh God! NOOOOO!", and then I fired off my starting pistol.

In the future I'd like to try that with more people in the room. Like there's a standoff going on, and then the gun starts going off and there's screaming and crashing.

If you don't have a starting pistol you could download good gun sound effects and put your phone up to a loud speaker.

If I am in the mood I like to toy with tele marketers. I have posted before about some of my tactics, but this is my lastest one.

When the phone rings I sometimes answer this way.

Good morning. This is the Pentegaon, I am Major Jones, the personal aide to General Starbucks. Your call has been identified as being an unauthorized call over a secure line. Would you identify yourself please so that I can verify with the Defense Intelligence Agency that you have authorization to use this line. If you do not have authorization you are in violation of the National Security Act and the proper authorities will be notified.

I usually do not get any reponse, unless it is someone that knows me.

Thankfully, I haven't heard from any of those telemarketing bastards for a while. Last time the phone started ringing in the middle of a movie - I had to turn off the DVD player, get up and answer the phone just to find out that some ass wanted to sell me something. So I asked him to hold on just a second, put down the phone and went back to watch the movie. Afterwards I was ready to talk to him, but he wasn't there... If he really wanted to sell me something, why didn't he wait?