Does It Pay To Be An Asshole???
 

In this industry.....does it pay to be nice - or does it pay to be an asshole?

Regarding this thread by Mailman....just got me to thinking if it really pays to be nice in this industry - what do you think? I mean....clearly Mailman bent over backwards to work with these people and in the end he got fucked!

There are so many scammers in this business who are looking to screw people out of money and take advantage of people - makes you wonder if it's a good idea to be nice or if you should be a hardass all the time :(

For myself - I'm a laid back kinda guy. Born & raised in the south where respect for others and having manners are very important. I treat everyone with dignity & respect until they give me a reason to do otherwise. I am naturally a "good ol'boy" but ya' know something? That attitude has come back to haunt me time and time again when dealing with folks in this industry. I've been ripped off, taken advantage of, disrespected and generally shit on from time to time by some peeps in this industry. Even by peeps that you would never expect that from - I know I didn't.

With that said - there are also a lot of great people in this business who have good hearts and who always look out for their business partners. For the most part - I've delt with these kinds of people but it hasn't always been like that. What's your experience been like???

Does it pay to be nice??? Or does it pay to be an asshole???

I've been fucked over far more times when I was being nice than I have been while being an asshole. :2 cents:

I'm not going to name names but I've seen a few people do very well by playing the asshole.

I'm a nice guy too and have pondered the thought of being an asshole just to keep myself from getting fucked. I'd never fuck anyone over - but then again I gotta watch my own ass. Like you said, there are a lot of sharks in this industry who will fuck you in a heart beat and say all the right things to keep you believing them.

that's a tough one. people dont like to deal with assholes - yet when you're nice - you get walked all over. i think a balance would be better.

I don't think being an asshole worked out too good for Alienq.

Good post Dean...

I too think you need a balance - not just in this industry but in anything business.

I try and be nice and professional with everyone all the time. If you screw me over or try too - well we can't do biz anymore...

I just try and treat ppl how I would like to be treated.. I know that's an old saying but it works most of the time :)

Cheers

Though I may play a sleazy pornographer with no morals online, I'm a nice and honest guy in real life. Yea, I'm a tad freaky, but who isn't?

I believe in being nice, fair and honest. This practice has brought me more business that I could have ever wished for. Good karma, if it does exist, has come back to me 10 fold.

Be nice, but be aware. Also, just because you're a nice guy does not mean you have to roll over and let someone walk on you. Be stern when you make your deals, be honest, and if you get fucked... its sadly the nature of the business. The adult industry is known for having the worst scum, ex-cons and scammers out there, and sooner or later you will cross one. Just hope you are a bit smarter than he is. No need to be an asshole. You will reap what you sow.

My general rule of thumb is to be as good a person as I can possibly be for everyone I decide to give my time to. Sometimes I don't do as well as I'd like to.

It's only when I'm pushed that I push back - my flaw though is I have a tendency to push back twice as hard when pushed. It's been a problem in the past but it's one of those things; just how i am i spose.







The hardest time i had was while living in florida. EVERYONE there is one of two things: a complete asshole or nice as hell. Problem was there were a LOT of assholes, so I just spent all my time pushing back on a daily basis when going out and doing anything. It sucked.

Nope i dont think so
a like not to be an asshole,much more ppl is there when i need help.

Everyone will eventually get fucked once in a while, whether your an asshole or a nice guy. Even assholes can get screwed by other assholes.

The interesting thing that I've learned over the last few years is that relationships - especially business relationships are very complicated. You may think your getting pushed and feel a need to "push back"....only to realize that in the other persons mind...they were not pushing you at all. Some peoples personalities are such that you always think your getting pushed when in fact - you might not be.

Communicating thru email makes the problem even worse because you don't have the luxury of actually hearing the words or the tone of the voice so you sometimes take things the wrong way. Has this even happened to any of you? Email is a great tool for basic communication but when talking about serious business - a phone call should always be in order. Otherwise you run the risk of offending someone with your email because they may read it wrong....or you may read theirs wrong! Thoughts???

Mean People Suck! lol but its true they do.
One thing people who think its profitable or cool to be an asshole should realize is that before they spew out their hate, greed and anger at others that stuff all has to come through them first. All the anger and lies and negativity has to pass through them before they can deliver it to others. So the Karma as it were is instant. That's why I try to let the little things go and take a step back and a deep breath whenever I think someones insulting or attacking me. Many times it's just a misunderstanding or the persons having their own problems and it's got little to do with me. So if I take that mental step back and deep breath I can have a chance to reframe the incident in a positive light . Ask myself ok whats really going on here, how can I learn from this?

It's like the story of a man on a bus and there are these two kids acting up and yelling and running around like little kids do creating chaos. So the mans getting upset not being able to relax on the way to work he goes the to kids father and reads him the riot act about controlling his kids and respecting others etc etc.. Well the father then explains how sorry he is. Explains that the kids just lost their mother to cancer last night and they are having a hard time dealing with it. BAM! the man feels like shit. He has to reframe the situation because now he realises he can't always know whats going on with another persons life and why people do things or say things and maybe not everything revolves around him.

Does it pay to be a good guy? Depends what you mean by pay. I think it's very rewarding to be a good human being. I think its not about the number of joins you make but the good traffic trades you make along the way to more joins! :) Good health and good relationships is vastly more rewarding than good stats which one achieves by hook or by crook.

I think the same life rules that our grandparents tried to teach us as children apply even now as porn webmasters or whatever we are doing. They said,
"do onto others as you would have them do onto you" and " if you don't have something good to say don't say anything at all". That's a great starting point for anyone in business or life in genera. They also said "Play nice" hehe and I agree with that too. You get much further in life by working with others than being small minded and a "asshole".

not realy! work pay more:)

YES! Facial features, gestures, tone - it's all missing from this medium! Particularly IM.

In response to what you said I agree 100% about mispercieving being pushed, as such I try really really hard to not be impulsive with it, and take much more care when online.

I think it just boils down to one of those things that as one gets older their judgment improves.

All you can really do in the meantime is be yourself :)

If someone fucks me over, shame on them. Certainly doesn't make me want to be that person. I am who I am, its gotten me this far, I see no reason to change that simply because others are assholes.

Its not just being an ass. Its being one when the time is right.

And if you do it that way, it works fine.

Nice guys finish last... At least that is what they say :(

i say....be a nice guy until they cross the line..then *BAM*...open up ur can of whoop @$$

I've only ever met Dugmor and he was the nicest guy ever.

There are a lot of succesful asshole out there but that is not the way to go imo.

I think there is a fine line. If you're too nice, it opens the door for people to take advantage of you or ignore you. If you're just a real asshole, I dont think that motivates others to work for or with you.

I always liked what Theodore Roosevelt said:

'Speak Softly and carry a big stick'

:2 cents:

I like to think of myself as a nice guy who has a set of large sharp teeth.

I give what I get.

Better to be nice and work without fucking anyone in the ass for little sums of money...

Dean, if you need help being an asshole just let me know. I was raised in a trailer park, I know a thing or two about being hillbilly dickish.

Anyone fucks with you, let me know.

I don´t think you need to be an asshole, you just should not mix real $$$ business with pleasure. BY the way, the biggest assholes are the ones who don´t show it ! There are so many motherfuckers in this industry and all they do is playing a fucking fake theater show! Visit some events and you know what I mean after the event ends and the business starts again ! ;)

It's a balance. If you're going to be nice it's important to not let anyone push you around though.

Good question, I have seen many get burned. I would say be cool but also don't trust anyone at first. And Google is your friend when checking a business.

I think it depends on the situation. Being an asshole all the time is not a good thing, but there are cases when you need to be.

I would rather be nice and smart:) Wont get rich but I get to look at myself in the mirror :)

I like the way you think :thumbsup

Thanks for the compliment :thumbsup

Some guys like to play the Asshole role, I never got into it and never will.
It's bad Karma and it will bite you in the ass over and over again the rest of your life. What are assholes really trying to prove, boost of ego. Whatever!

Life is short, Live it well.

Life is short? It's the longest thing you'll ever do.

We kid ourselves that how we come across on a board makes a BIG difference to our success. We are manufacturers, bus conductors or shop owners and how we deal with each other has little to no effect on consumers.

We produce a product or bring buyers to the mall or sell it. Do you really think how we relate with each other makes any difference to a guy with his dick in his hand?

Yes we can all kiss each others asses, boost egos and act like the main man. But when a surfer hits a site if it does not make him horny enough to get his credit card out, you lose.

Yes you can be a major character to all the guys here who make $500 a month driving traffic, but unless your site, traffic or product is EXACTLY what the surfer wants you rely on minnows of the industry to deal with you because you're a "Character"

I just got back from Amsterdam and on another board they were flaming me for not going to the parties. I go to a show to do business, to make money, not pose with a bunch of free loaders at a party. And if you know me personally you know I'm not a shy person. :1orglaugh

Raised as a Southern Boy myself, I've always believed that projecting positive energy creates more positive energy.

Treat others as you would want to be treated. Give everyone their fair due... but also keep your eyes open, because not everyone approaches things that way.

Just be an asshole, to the assholes. Be cool to everyone else.