Wold your forgive your significant other for stealing from you?
 

A few weeks ago I ordered two hard drives, one for myself and one for someone I'm dating as a gift. I didn't even have time to open the box so I just left it there until one day I noticed it was gone. It's not very noticeable because my house is kind of messy and there's other boxes laying around so it kind of blended in... I asked the person that I was seeing if they took it, and they were like no of course not. And this person is a good actor, they were totally pretending to be worried that someone broke into my house etc

Until right now, I saw this person on Craigslist selling the hard drive I bought for them, I recognize their cell number. Well, I guess if I bought it for them, they can do whatever they want with it, but they lied to me, and not only that but they took my hard drive too!

I've been dating this person seriously for around 2 years or so.

Anwyays, we got in a big fight a few days ago and I noticed my Ipod was gone too! I have a feeling this person took it as well.

Now this person has financial problems and I actually was helping them out, help paying some of their bills etc. But I didn't know they would take stuff from my house and sell it.

Anyways, I would never call the cops because well I just wouldn't... Also, I have money and I'm not poor so it's not like took huge amounts of money from me.

I guess this person felt I wasn't helping them enough... Or since we got in a fight they know I'm not going to bail them out so they just decided to sell it, but the thing is when we were cool with each other, they didn't tell me that they took my stuff either...

Is it really a big deal? I can buy new hard drives easily, maybe it's not that big of a deal? Or is it the principle of it? I would get totally angry if a stranger stole from me but if it's something I care for I tend to overlook it, like it's not a big deal... perhaps they needed money or whatever...

I'm sorry, but it's very doubtful that I could ever forgive them.

I'm also sorry you have had that kind of experience. :(

so you're ok when they take your car next time? where's the limit?

Oh and the ipod thing was recent, the hard drives disappeared weeks ago, they didn't sell it till now. They only sold the hard drive I gave them, not mine, but they took my my hard drive too, they just haven't sold it yet. They took the whole box, it came shipped with 2 hd's.

At first I thought I misplaced the ipod because I am kind of messy, but I've searched the whole house and I swear last time I used it, it was being charged through my usb and under my desk... and now it's gone..

Have a friend call them from an unknown number, agree to meet and confront him/her.

You refer to this person as your significant other. Ask yourself, how significant this person really is if they are willing to steal from you.

I think this person was desperate and a bit unstable, They didn't work for 5 months since they had problems at their old job. Most people if they quit a job they just find a new one no problem, but this person was dwelling on stuff that happened with the old job, even researching for MONTHS about employment laws and company policy so they could write a letter to the owner of the company...

Could it be that perhaps they were desperate and had no choice? Usually I bail the person and helped them out, but we got in a big fight around 4 days ago so perhaps they had bills coming up and were desperate or something... ?

Oh I forgot to say the person took the box during a fight we had, it's not like they took it out of the blue, we had a big fight...

You sound really generous and forgiving. It's nice that you can understand possible motives behind this (the desperation etc.) but I still don't think it's ever acceptable for your significant other to steal your stuff!! I wouldn't call the cops but I would sit down and confront the person, and show them the evidence so they can't weasel out of it. Only you know if they're worth staying with after pulling that kind of shit....I don't think I would, if that helps any.

dump their ass, now. imo

I already know what they would say, they would say that I gave it to them so they can do with it as they choose... This person was there with me when I ordered the hd's from Newegg, they asked me to buy it for them and even told me which models to get etc...

I already know they would say they needed the money etc Plus because they were mad at me from the fight... And that it's not that big of a deal.

No actually, I thought about it more carefully. They would probably say that they were relying on me to help them out financially and since we got in a fight they have no choice but to sell it because I'm backing out on my deal to help them out. They would somehow make it seem like it's my fault somehow or that I caused it.

The thing is that though when I WAS helping them with their bills and we weren't fighting, they still didn't tell me that they kept it.

I don't even know how they even sneaked the box out, it was pretty big.

Oh and they would probably say it's only a few hundred lousy dollars and why I would make such a big deal out of such a small amount of money. This person says the same things about thousands of dollars too... even though they are unemployed and have no money....

And then would tell me that all they were worth to me was just a few hundred dollars... lol

Some people already said it in this thread but whats the limit where you get pissed? iPod, hard drive, cash, dvd's.... You got to put a stop to it now.

Well, then the person will "Is that all I'm worth to you, just a few hundred dollars? Is it all about money? I thought I was your baby..." etc and try to make me feel guilty like I caused it.

Plus we've been together for over 2 years now, it's kind of a long time. I'm very attached to this person so it's hard to walk away just cause of this.

2 easy steps

1)re-attach balls
2)dumb her/him

From what I read you're getting played. You don't want to associate with that kind of people anyways.

you seem to have non-stop problems with this person. its obvious you shouldn't be with them. he steals from you, spits in your face, lies constantly and more im sure. stop making excuses for them because of their "problems" and start realizing that this person isn't going to change and that you deserve someone who at least respects you.

Forgive if you want but don't forget and don't continue in a relationship that you know is starting on a bad foot. If they were really in need they could ask you for help and not take from you. I think after 2 years together you can ask

That sucks. I would cut off all contact with that person.

It's cause they ask me for help a lot and they know I would say no. I already felt like I help them out a lot. I even let them live with me without paying rent already, plus help them with credit card and cell...

They couldn't ask me because we got in a fight so they knew I wouldn't pay their credit card bill and cell phone bill for that month, that's why they needed cash asap. They took it during another fight a few weeks ago, just didn't sell it yet...

Sounds like this person is seriously taking you for granted... how much have you been propping him up? I'm not surprised he feels that stealing from you is such a non event.

IMHO it's not about the $, it's about the trust. When someone steals from you they step over the line.

I definately wouldn't forgive her. By the sounds of it, if you're paying her bills and she's stealing from you, she's USING you !!! I'd get out of that relationship ASAP.

Apparently the 2 years that you spent together don't mean shit to her if she's willing to steal from you.

PLUS if she's that unstable in life where she can't pay her own bills and has the balls to expect you to pay them, why would you want to take that on ?? Does she work ???

Fuck stealers there is now way i will forgive anyone steal no matter how good we are.

This person has mild mental issues, it's not severe, but I think they have some kind of paranoid personality disorder, they went to work for around 7 months or so and then started imagining people at the work were sabotaging them at work and even eavesdropping the house :disgust

I think they are looking for a job now... I didn't mind them being that unstable to be honest, I just didn't know they would be dishonest. They have some kind of mental problems where they are like a child, they never lived on their own or supported themselves (26 years of age btw).

They have the mentality of a child, for example last time we got in a fight they emptied 3 HUGE bags of nuts (sunflower nuts and pine nuts) ALL over my carpet... I mean it was covered in nuts, I had to clean it up after they left, it was a mess. I thought that was weird. I don't think most sane adults would do something like that?

I don't mind the instability cause I can handle it, I knew going into it that the person was slightly off balance, I didn't know how off balance, but I did know though.

They aren't living with me at the moment. After the fight ( around 4 days ago) they went back to their family's house. They don't know that I know about the hard drives...

hey this is a red line..!

They, they, they, they.....Even when forced grammatically - THEY!
Just say the fucking gender. Homosexuality is embraced on GFY.

I'm asexual. The other person is also asexual.

Just think of the topic question asking what you would do if you were in this situation? Perhaps not you personally but the gfy population in general.

Do you consider this a big deal or forgivable offense?

I know lots of people already gave me advice but I really would like to hear more opinions.

Man, i feel for you...But please don't wait for the time that you despise them. 2 yrs of togetherness should spell more trust and devotion, not deception and denial of what was obvious....hang on there man!:thumbsup

I know your gender but I guess I jumped to a quick conclusion about your partner. This just confuses me more... but so do a lot of things about you. :)

Once you say someone's gender people become more biased. I think people are more prone to say the truth if they don't know.

For example if I said I was a guy people might say "Is she a good fuck? If she's hot enough let her steal from you and bang the shit out of her!" or "What kind of man takes this abuse from a woman? Show her your pimp hand!"

If I said I'm a girl people might say: "O'h you are being abused. Has he ever hit you? Has he stolen from you before? You are being taken advantage of. A real man doesn't take money from a woman".

So either way people are biased, so I'll just say "they" and let them guess, perhaps, hopefully they will guess 50/50 so the answers will be more fair.

Also my partner has the opposite sex of me!

ummm what is the attraction if you can't trust this person? How can you have them over for th enight again? Lock up your stuff? Notice how you are also blaming the ipod on them too? it just gets worse. I love dating woman like this but cut it off once they cross lines.

Ok, I just wanted to know if stealing is considered crossing lines. I think I'm not normal because I don't know what's "normal boundaries" in a relationship.

For example if I confronted this person they would somehow turn it on me and say it was my fault, because I started the fight or because I was mean or whatever... They would somehow make it seem like it's normal and twist it so I don't know what's acceptable or not.

They would probably not even consider it cheating, just selling and taking what is rightfully theirs. The only thing is they have my hd still. I don't know what they plan to do with it...

I guess I don't mind if they sell theirs. It's kind of mean to ask me to buy them things and then sell them.. I thought they were going to use it for themselves.

It's not the stealing that would bother me. It'd be the dishonesty.

You're saying the person outright lied to you and "acted" to perpetuate the lie?

And this was over something as meaningless as a few minor materialistic possessions?

You gotta ask yourself, what's gonna go down when it's regarding something that really matters?

I don't know, this person thinks it's endearing and funny when they lie... For example when I catch them it's like they are proud of themselves and will say something "Was I good" hahhahaaaa Kind of like everything is a joke to them.

Well, I'm guessing they lied because they knew I would be furious if I found out they took it, so they wanted to keep the peace. They took while in anger so probably weren't think straight, now that we are fighting they are probably thinking "fuck it, I already have it, might as well sell it...".

stealing is way crossing the lines.. they are using you and taking advantage.. you are what they would call an enabler in that relationship.

Is it really stealing though? Somehow I think they don't even think of it as stealing but something funny like a joke or as no big deal.

Also this person would probably say that the stuff is OURS since we are supposed to be lifetime partners, why am I labelling stuff as MINE... etc

I would say that the main problem here is now trust. How does he/she gain it back? They have gone behind your back and by the sounds of it stole from YOUR home. On top of that they lied to you about it. Perhaps there could have been redemption if they had just admitted it in the first place or given you a half baked story about how they thought they were both for them or something. But to me the bottom line is that they stole from you and then lied about it...for me it would be over and not only that I'd probably be finding a way to screw that person over because you were already helping them out in the first place.

I don't know.... This person is resentful because a lot of times I don't want to help them out because I feel like they already took too much money from me, and when I say I don't owe them anything they'll start saying how everyone owes someone something. And then start saying off the wall stuff like "Who do you owe it to be in this country? Why are you here today?" lol They are trying to say that people died for this country or whatever in wars in the past or people fought for the land so I owe them something.... Someone helped me so I should help my significant other...

It sounds very bizarre but it's true. They tell me that everyone helps out everyone in some way so why should I not help someone I claim to be my life-long partner...

It's true the person took it from my house, it's at their house right now. They even helped me look throughout the house and we even discussed if it was a burglar, if it was a random attack or a neighbor, etc

If they played along and made you think that the safety of your home had been violated then that's truly fucked up.

Yes they totally went along with it , at first they helped me look in all the rooms in case I accidentally misplaced it. And then asked me if I thought it was random or if it was targeted? At first I actually thought it was the UPS guy who delivered it, he's the only one who knew about it... I thought perhaps he got in somehow...

The other person kept blaming it on me cause during that particular fight I drove that person home and I couldn't find my house keys so I left my place unlocked for around 30 min while I was on the road.

So they actually were blaming ME and saying "You should listen to me and always lock the doors, that's what happens when you don't lock the doors. I wonder why they didn't take your big screen?" They were totally playing along with it. I said "Oooh I don't know, my tv is huge, it's too obvious, but hard drives are small" etc

They were totally making me think that my house was burglarized. Even told me to let management know...

O'h and I asked this person many times if they took it, because I had a feeling that perhaps they did, and they vehemently denied it. This person has taken other things from me before during other fights so I thought they did it again, but they were like "No, I would NEVER do that. This is a big deal. I could never let you think someone went into your house" etc

I swear my significant other is nuts but really good at acting.

I think it's time to move on. This person is playing you like a 17 year old girl with a rich daddy.

stay with her sucker.

At the very least, if they say they want to move back in, tell them you need some time to think about it. If they're back in the house then a firm decision going that way is going to be much harder.

Are you insane? Someone steals from you multipe times, disrespects you and jerks you around endlessly and you put up with that? Get the psycho out of your house and find another girlfriend, dude.

this is what happens when you meet pshyco fucks online who still live with her parents. run away, run far far away unless you enjoy the pain and being a mother to this douchebag. which it seems like you do because every time you make a post complaining, all you do is make excuses as to why it should be ok. which makes me wonder why do you even post in the first place? you just want validation that its ok because no one in their right might would put up with that even if they could 'handle it'. why would you want to if you don't have to? just because you've been with them for 2 years? thats retarded. start thinking with your mind instead of your emotions.

Think of all the other things she's stolen from you that you won't even remember about or will be looking for in the future.

Cut that bitch loose.

I didn't meet this person on-line but through a friend. The thing is that I feel like no one's perfect and whomever I am going to be with will have something wrong with them. I chose this person because their sibling is my friend of over 10 years and told me the best quality about this person is that they are faithful.

I feel like I can chose between someone who doesn't mooch and steal from me but cheats on me, or someone who might mooch and have some flaws but remain faithful. I don't feel like there are good people left in the. world. If this doesn't work out I. won't have the willpower to even meet someone else. I will just give up and stay alone for the rest of my life until I die.

Also, this person is also my best friend. I don't have much friends and don't get along with my family and if I leave this person I'll basically be on my own all alone in the world.

To me, the "offense" itself would be just a minor irritation: my problem would be what it represents, which is dishonesty. That's one of very few lines which if people cross, gets them shut out of my life.

Although the theft itself is the obvious dishonesty, the real dishonesty is that apparently the person is unable to be honest about their life. How can you know someone (and if you don't know them, what kind of relationship can you really have?) if they find it easier to steal from you than to talk about their need to steal? How little must they think of you, to be willing to put your "relationship" at risk for the price of a hard-drive?

If this had happened and either of you had been open about it and cleared the air, okay. Maybe. But from your story, this happened long enough ago for the other person to have time to think about what was done and admit to it. That hasn't happened, so stop kidding yourself. This person isn't a significant anything: just someone who sees you as another mug.

They always like to steal whenever we get in a fight, they say that I caused it by instigating the fight or whatever because it's cause and effect... I caused the fight so the effect was them having the right to take it because I owe them something.

Move on. Having the "right" to steal something because you have a fight is ridiculous.

Exactly, dont let her get away with that shit!