GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - Christmas thread number 5,312

Willie: "Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me?"
Bob Chipeska (John Ritter): "I'm sorry, your gear?"
Marcus: "Willie."
Willie: "My fuck stick."
Marcus: "Hey, Willie. Take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is."
Bob Chipeska: "He's not going to say 'fuck stick' in front of the children, is he?"
Marcus: "No, no, no. It's a joke. An adult joke for us adults."

Willie: "What is it with you anyway? Somebody drop you on your fucking head?"
The Kid: "On my head?"
Willie: "Well, yeah. What are they gonna drop you on sombody else's head?"
The Kid: "How can they drop me onto my own head?"
Willie: "No, not onto your... Would... Goddamn it! Are you fucking with me?"

The Kid: "You want cookies?"
Willie: "No."
The Kid: "Warm milk?"
Willie: "No."
The Kid: "Should I fix you some sandwiches?"
Willie: "I don't want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixing fucking sandwiches?"
The Kid: "Okay. Do you want anything else?"

This one has to be heard to appreciate

listen

Woman in Food Court (Hallie Singleton): "Look who's here, Jimmy. It's Santa."
Willie: "That's fucking great."
Woman in Food Court: "Let's tell him what you want for Christmas."
Willie: "FUCK. I'm on my fucking lunch break, okay?!"
Woman in Food Court: "Are you insane? Management's gonna hear about this."
Willie: "You think that's a threat? If you think you can make my life any worse, you go right ahead. Be my fucking guest. Take a shot."

Willie: "For christ's sake, make a move and stick with it, would you?"
The Kid: "King me."
Willie: "Son of a bitch! You lousy, cheating little fuck! You're fucking with me! You did that on purpose. You sit there and you play like the fucking dead lice are falling off of you, and then suddenly, you're like Seabisbuit all over the Goddamn place. You're a smartass, is what you are, kid."
The Kid: "Wanna play again?"

Willie: "Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy and you know what he did?"
The Kid: "He made it all better?"
Willie: "No, he kicked my ass. You know why?"
The Kid: "'Cause you went to the bathroom on Mommy's dishes?"
Willie: "What the fuck? No."
The Kid: "He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man?"
Willie: "No. It's because he was a mean, drunk son of a bitch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. The world ain't fair. You gotta take what you need when you can get it. You gotta learn to stand up for yourself. You're gonna have to quit being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something."