As found on:
BNT News
Kansas City, Mo December 17, 2006 Ass Press
Hardly Davidson, the premier producer of specialty motorcycles, today announced the launch of its 2007 Boy Alley commemorative line of motorcycles based around their popular Softtail Heritage Classic edition motorcycle.
"Boy Alley is recognized as one of the most flamboyant signature whores in the adult internet community", stated Bent Bob, spokesman for Hardly Davidson. "Boy Alley's contributions to the signature whoring industry have been far and above anything that has been seen on the internet since 1994. He has raised signature whoring from what was looked on by most of the adult community as a lowlife profession to an art form, proving that a know nothing gay surfer with an attitude can survive on nothing but the income that his signature generates. To recognize all that he has done for the industry, Hardly Davidson has created a commemorative line of new heritage classic motorcycles."
Unlike prior Hardly Davidson commemorative lines, the Boy Alley line does not rely on paint or performance equipment. The difference between the normal Softtail Heritage and the Boy Alley commemorative is all in the seat. "We thought it quite appropriate, when designing the new line, to concentrate on the seat of the bike, rather than the performance and appearance items", said Ima Gayfuck, head designer for Hardly Davidson. "Boy Alley spends most of his time either sitting on his ass or playing with his ass", she continued, "We thought enhancing the seat was the proper way to honor him."
The Boy Alley line will not be available for purchase until spring 2008, but we had the honor of a sneak preview of the new line in the private workshop of the grandfather of all motorcycles, Mr. Hardly Davidson.
The Boy Alley commemorative line will be available with 4 different styles of seats, each with their own unique shape and features.
"The most popular model, as it is in the normal softtail line, will be the Fatboy version", croaked the 90 year old inventor. "We think that most of our Boy Alley commemorative customers will want it. It is the same as a standard Heritage classic but in the center of the seat is fastened an official Hardly Davidson Chrome Standard Rider Retention unit. The Rider retention unit is a new invention from our designers", the ancient one continued. "In addition to using the normal Hardly chrome, we have added a heater and a lube overflow cup. It offers a comfortable gentle massage throughout the ride and it actually helps keep the rider on the bike".
"We do expect a lot of beginner riders to select our standard softtail Rider Retention unit," the old man said. "It is the safest unit for a beginner and it is adjustable by using our patented inflation unit. It fits all sizes and when fully inflated will hold even the heaviest couch potato. It comes in a black vinyl custom matching the seat leather."
"Our ElectraGlide seat is for the serious rider. The ElectraGlide Rider Retention unit is a large Hardly Davidson embossed chrome unit, approximately 9 inches long, It allows a comfortable firm fit for all but the largest assholes, er, um, I mean riders", the wizened genius sputtered. "Like the FatBoy it has a heater and a lube overflow cup, but it also features an autolube dispenser and an optional vacuum control unit to prevent accidental slide off on rough rides."
"The UltraGlide seat is for only our most experienced riders. When we designed this seat, we had Boy Alley firmly in our minds. The extended Hardly Davidson 18 inch Chrome System is the most advanced Rider Retention unit we will be producing. It produces a firm tight hold in even the largest riders. Guaranteed to hold throughout even the roughest rides, the UltraGlide has all the features found in the ElectraGlide plus at the base is a built in MP3 player unit. The UltraGlide is hard wired to the MP3 system to produce a relaxing massage in time to your favorite music. Think of it", the old fool cackled. "Put your favorite MP3s onto a compactflash card, slip it in the slot, climb on board and Mick Jagger sings Jumping Jack Flash inside your rectum, he he ha ha ho ho ho"
Upon release, the Boy Alley commemorative line will be available in rider/passenger seat combinations of AC/DC, DC/AC and DC/DC.
This reporter reached Boy Alley via phone on Sunday afternoon. When asked about what he thought about this honor being bestowed, the stout ghey boy replied, "Fuck DirectNic, I'm going to boycott them and you should to. I'm gonna get all those MikeAI ass kissers too, you just wait and see I tell you, you just wait and see. And their little dog too, hehehehehe,and the little dog too."
This post was partially inspired by
SPeRMiNaToR.
