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Holiday Greetings to Everyone

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my
friends, but it is so difficult in today's world to
know exactly what to say without offending someone. So
I met with my attorney yesterday, and on his advice I
wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit,
my best wishes for an environmentally conscious,
socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender
neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday,
practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of
religious persuasion or secular practices of your
choice with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their
choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of
the onset of the generally accepted calendar year
2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of
choice of other cultures whose contributions to
society have helped make our country great (not to
imply that the United States is necessarily greater than
any other country) and without regard to the race,
creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith
or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these
terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or
withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no
alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the
wishes for her/himself or others and is void where
prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole
discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to
perform as expected within the usual application of
good tidings for a period of one year or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever
comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of
this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole
discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of
this message; however, a significant number of
electrons were slightly inconvenienced

:) Have a wonderful Chrismas, Hannukah, and Solstice
to everyone.