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Something Awful's Pornstar Interview Disasters [PICS]
http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2.../30-janine.jpg
Zack: Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me, Janine! JLBZ: Glad to do it, what's up? Zack: You came out of retirement not too long ago and rescinded your girls-only rule, was that a difficult decision? JLBZ: I thought about it and I was ready to make the leap Zack: Would you say it was an easier or harder decision than, for example, deciding to cover yourself in shitty tattoos that make you look like a white trash Yakuza hit man? JLBZ: fuck off loser Zack: If you dishonor your studio are you contractually obligated to cut off your pinkie with a Pabst tab? JLBZ has disconnected**** |
Good Lord... What just hapenned there?
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http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/inde...2-10b30fe8df65
TouchaKlass: Good afternoon! Zack: Hi Alisha and thanks for taking the time to talk with me. TouchaKlass: My pleasure Zack: At what age did you stop squirting the bed? TouchaKlass: Haha its female ejaculation Zack: You retired from the adult industry in 2000 to pursue legitimate acting, so how are the Oscar chances shaping up for 2006's "Ass-ians Have More Anal Fun"? Zack: I think you're a shoe-in for best actress. You get twice Gwyneth Paltrow's distance on a squirt, easy. TouchaKlass has disconnected**** |
http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...e/30-chloe.jpg
Porn star Chloe (Hoffman) is best known for being loudly orgasmic, having whole hands inserted into her ass, and her reported ability to achieve an "anal orgasm". Chloe has been working in the adult industry since 1995. Zack: I really appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. nurse_chloe: No problem! Zack: Do you think your training as a ballerina helped you achieve your first assgasm? nurse_chloe: Ha maybe Zack: You followed 1996's "Anal Aristocrats" with 1997's "Dirty Little Butthole Whores", what happened to your anus's self-esteem between the filming of the two? nurse_chloe: Huh? Zack: Did you cure that lack of anal sophistication by quaffing "Beyond Reality 4: Anal Potion"? nurse_chloe has disconnected**** |
http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...30-celeste.jpg
Busty brunette Celeste began working in adult films in 1992. Her appearances outside of recycled compilations have become increasingly rare. I asked her some really terrible questions and she was not pleased. Zack: It's a real pleasure to get a chance to talk with you. Clest: glad I could help Zack: You were one of the hottest stars of the '90s, but since about 2000 your body of work has diminished steadily, why is that? Clest: you get older and have kids and you don't need the money as bad Zack: How did it feel to see your videos start showing up in the "mature" section of porn sites? Clest: they dont Zack: Do you live in fear of the MILF Hunter? Clest: we're done Zack: What do you do to throw him off your trail? Do you cover your tracks with leaves? Bury your scat? Clest has disconnected**** |
http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...e/30-gauge.jpg
Zack: Hi and thanks for taking the time to talk with me! Gauge: sure thing! Zack: Do you ever feel self-conscious about your teeth on the set? Gauge: what do u mean? Zack: I mean, does a director or co-star ever comment on your teeth or do you worry that they might? Gauge: fuck that if they did id pop them Zack: Quick follow-up on that: what makes your teeth that yellow-gray color? Zack: Is it the same substance that makes them all crooked and makes your voice hoarse? Gauge: fuck u motherfuckre!!! Zack: Have you discovered a way to smoke meth and pole at the same time? Gauge has disconnected**** |
http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2.../30-jordan.jpg
Zack: I'm a big fan of your site! Thanks for talking with me! JordiLamoure: oh no problem thanks 4 talking with ME! Zack: Were you shocked when your own production company stole your honeymoon sex tape and decided to release it? JordiLamoure: that was 2 prevent some1 else from proffitting Zack: Were you at all shaken when you realized your Q-rating was lower than Dustin Diamond's? JordiLamoure: my what? Zack: Don't worry, it's just a number that indicates the sum total of your value as a human being. JordiLamoure: whos dustin diamond? Zack: He's kind of like you but with viagra and a beard instead of boy shorts and droopy eyes. JordiLamoure: go 2 hell Zack: You're like a drowsy anime character. JordiLamoure has disconnected**** |
lol i love SA, i should read it more
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lol, gotta love something awful :)
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did I miss something?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~WOOOOOOOOSH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* GFY's HEAD* |
lol.....
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HOLY shit thats funny stuff.. never saw it before MORE MORE!
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http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...e/23-wifey.jpg
My death spiral of failure began with Wifey from Wifey's World Zack: Hi and thanks for taking the time to talk to me ThatWifey: My pleasure! Zack: Do you ever wear your sexy costumes outside the house? ThatWifey: I used to be we had some trouble Zack: Not even just in your yard? ThatWifey: It's pretty private over by the pool, what are you think of? Zack: Oh, I just wondered if you wear your schoolgirl outfit when you go to the mail to get your AARP magazine ThatWifey has disconnected**** |
Ouch!!! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
ADG Webmaster |
Zack: Do you live in fear of the MILF Hunter?
Clest: we're done Zack: What do you do to throw him off your trail? Do you cover your tracks with leaves? Bury your scat? - I haven't laughed this hard in a long time |
Man those were fuckin' great :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
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http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...e/23-annie.jpg
The inimitable Annie Cruz was happy to answer my questions, until I started asking them. Cruzingal: Hii! Zack: Hey there! Thanks for taking the time to talk with me! Cruzingal: whatevas babe so whats up? Zack: Alright, first question I had: Zack: When you're on your third or fourth dick of the scene and it makes you gag and throw up, does the throw up count as an extra cumshot in your contract? Cruzingal: fuck you Zack: How does your gynecologist rate your meat holes? Cruzingal has disconnected**** |
hehe... Zack makes me laugh!
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post removed by request. :)
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that was the best thing i read all day
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http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2.../23-taylor.jpg
The astonishing Taylor Rain endured my moronic inquiries with practiced stoicism. Zack: Hey Taylor, I'm a big fan of your work. Thanks for talking with me. TaYLORRRAIN: SUP IN HERE BOY TaYLORRRAIN: YEA Zack: You have a very impressive catalog of work. TaYLORRRAIN: HELL YEA THANKS Zack: What themes do you feel were left unexplored by Cum Dumpsters 1 that compelled you to return to the set to film Cum Dumpsters 4? TaYLORRRAIN: LOL WHAT Zack: A thirst for knowledge sent you to school in Anal Trainer 2 and then you returned again in Anal Trainer 7. Do you feel that anal education is a lifelong process? Zack: How much knowledge can one anus retain? TaYLORRRAIN has disconnected**** |
I'd hit them all :winkwink:
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Do I really have to say it? BLOGGGGGG! -- :) 2hp |
http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...e/23-peter.jpg
The voluminous Peter North was remarkably polite considering my stupidity. Zack: Hello and thanks for taking the time to talk with me! Pnorth: No problem. Zack: Is it fair to say that you are best-known for the volume of your ejaculation? Pnorth: Thats true. Lake Peter. Zack: Have you ever just looked at one of your cumshots and said to yourself: "that's my Ulysses" or "that's my Statue of David"? Pnorth: Ha Ive had some big ones Zack: How would the biggest cumshot of your career stack up against, say, the biggest cumshot that was ever sprayed across your ass in one of your gay porn movies? Pnorth has disconnected**** |
these made my day - lol - how were these interviews done? AIM? IRC?
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lol, good shit........
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http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2...de/23-aria.jpg
Finally, I had a chance to talk with the luscious Aria Giovanni, one of my personal favorites. Zack: It's a real pleasure to get a chance to talk to you! AGVbaby: Thank you! Your readers can see more of me at ariagiovanni.com! Zack: Your exotic looks have certainly contributed to your success as an adult star, but you are often promoted as being "naturally curvy". Zack: Oh, that doesn't offend you, does it? Curvy? AGVbaby: Not at all. I'm not a waif and I'm not packing any saline. Zack: Whew. So have you ever considered surgery to correct your curviness? AGVbaby: No. Zack: I know Al Roker became much less curvy after he underwent a gastric bypass. AGVbaby: Goodbye. Zack: FYI you're kind of a porker. AGVbaby has disconnected**** |
:1orglaugh
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That's last of em. I hope you guys found it as funny as i did.
Visit Somethingawful.com for more displays of sharp wit, satire and the occasional fart joke. :thumbsup |
so, you approach someone under the pretense of being a fan and asking them about their work...then disrespect them and belittle them by re-enforcing the status quo's negative attitudes about porn? Classy.
It shows a lot that they disconnected rather than waste their time with you. |
"Zack: When you're on your third or fourth dick of the scene and it makes you gag and throw up, does the throw up count as an extra cumshot in your contract?"
"Zack: A thirst for knowledge sent you to school in Anal Trainer 2 and then you returned again in Anal Trainer 7. Do you feel that anal education is a lifelong process?" "Zack: How would the biggest cumshot of your career stack up against, say, the biggest cumshot that was ever sprayed across your ass in one of your gay porn movies?" "Zack: I mean, does a director or co-star ever comment on your teeth or do you worry that they might? Gauge: fuck that if they did id pop them Zack: Quick follow-up on that: what makes your teeth that yellow-gray color? Zack: Is it the same substance that makes them all crooked and makes your voice hoarse?" Bro thank you, this was some fucking funny shit, great stuff keep it up. |
classic !!!!
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what kind of vapid moron is an actual "fan" of a pornstar? these people aren't fucking stravinsky or oscar wilde man... |
for those who aren't feeling particularly self righteous today....you're welcome.
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Sooo, because you don't respect them, you trick them into giving you an audience so you can insult them for laughs? You take easy targets (people who - like ALL pornographers - live outside the culture's norms) and come at them with the mentality of *********. Its just not clever. Then again, I think most humor at other's expense is pretty weak. That's what I get for being self righteous, I guess. I don't mean to bust your chops. But if you want to brag about disrespecting people in our industry, I gotta call "uncool." |
Appealing to losers.
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Halycon,
are you saying you're offended by satire? i think you're a very nice and charming guy with an obviously large heart, and i've been pleased to read your posts for the past few years, but im just not with all that PLUR crap... cheers though..... :pimp |
Haha Hal is right, but there are some pretty funny quips in there ;)
DH |
Zack Parsons is straight up hilarious. Never fails to crack my shit up. That was great.
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I also may have misunderstood if these ar your calls or you are just sharing them. There may have been a time when I would have smiled and laughed while we teased the "slut" on the playground. But I guess that PLUR got the best of me. :) cheers to you! |
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Well. at least they can advertise their sites before getting slammed. :-)
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Yeah. I laughed but was ashamed of it. Kind of like sex. :(
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hahahaha, great thread.
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The Kate one definitely a low blow, because thats not in her control. The others were things done by choice, and pretty funny.
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Cold-blooded, but pretty fuckin funny...
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