Dissecting an "i'm leaving some-oscure-program.com" thread
 

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To All My Friends on GFY,

I am officially leaving [INSERT OBSCURE PROGRAM NAME] on [insert date]. (1)I want to say first, that the parting was amicable. There is no drama (sorry guys). I love everyone there and have nothing but great things to say about them. (2)We had a great time and did some great things and I remain fully confident in [INSERT BOSSES NAME HERE] to continue to build [INSERT PROGRAM NAME] into one of the (3)industries leaders in [insert dumb and naive ideas of what unnoticed achievements makes them special]. (4)As for myself, I will be taking some time off to pursue several projects which I have had on the back burner for some time now.

(5)I want to thank you all for all your support and help in this business and for making it one of the best times of my life. (6)Should you need to reach me, you can contact me at [email protected] or on ICQ 123-532-53245-2154-676-54

Thanks again for the memories and great times

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1) --- this is the most important part of the whole post. this is where they attempt to set the tone and pre-emptively deflate and deter any potential arguments and comments that they are fuck ups.

when you see the phrase - "our parting was amicable" inserted at the top, it should read: "i am an intollerable and incompetent jerk with my head up my ass. we agreed not to trash each other publically, if i would just pack up my shit and leave quietly... besides, i stole the webmaster database and member e-mail database so fuck them, i get the last laugh anyway"

2) --- the important second part, is to make sure they dont burn any bridges with their employers friends... while at the same time, adding weight to the previous lie that they are not an asshole.

3) --- everyone loves to throw in the "industry leader in..." part. it makes them look like they were a part of something that mattered and not the peon, shoveling shit for 4.99/hr that they are (haha.. ok "were" before they were dismissed)

4) --- this part is critical. they all they can to remove any sense of desperation from the post by making it sound like they are now leading a team to colonize Mars. it makes perfect sense and people will buy into the idea that their 7 yr stint as customer support for "trannies fucking donky's.com" was just something they really did out of love.

besides, its important to add a sense of mystery and excitement so that the post won't be percieved as the "oh my fucking god, rent is due and i dont have a job anymore" post that it is.

5) --- thanking everyone is critical. in spite of the obvious posturing, these are the people that will be getting their impossibly shitty resumes, countless e-mails, unanswered phone calls and blocked ICQ's begging for a job next week.

what is really being achieved here is an apology that says "sorry you paid for everything everytime you saw me at a show or party and all i ever did was leach off you and your friends but shit man, i really need a job now... so lets start over and wipe the slate clean"

6) --- since they are really posting a "oh man, i really need a job now" thread. leave contact info. who knows. this is a business full of smoke and mirrors and the people that fall for it. they might get lucky and end up submitting galleries for someone later in the same day.

Thank you sir. I really needing someone outing my new affiliate domain name on here. :mad:

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

congrats on whatever the fuck it is you are doing next I am so pleased you kept me informed on this urgent matter

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

lol

Pretty accurate actually.

Thanks For The Template Man!!!

Attention!

I am NOT leaving Phat Servers.

Actually, I think there could be even more simple alternative translations... such as...

1. I got a better offer. I'm outta here.

2. I found God.

3. I was fired.

4. My mom found out what I do.

5. I realized I was in over my head.

6. I just decided to quit. I want to do something else.

7. etc.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :thumbsup

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :thumbsup

Gotta add:
make obligatory pre-buzz announcement for non-existant gonna revolutionize the industry project in the making

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

ahahahahahaha - i like the ones where it's the affiliate program itself who announces that some dillhole they partied with at some show and hired soon after and they have parted ways - amicably of course and with well wishes -
when everybody even the sigwhores and surfers here could have told them that said dillhole knew absolutely nothing about this industry and most likely is unemployable in the real world.

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - :pimp

Who is ClickMeMedia??

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh Nice one PP!

The adult biz is the only one where staff love each other and ooze sincerity from every pour - "I love everyone there and have nothing but great things to say about them." Assholes :winkwink:

All so true.

what % of regular GFY posters are unemployable in the real world? i would guess that 50% would be overly optimistic.

thanks :)
i often find myself wondering what other industry tolerates, celebrates and rewards and always forgives lies, thievery and fake behavior like this one does. i mean a car salesmen might do or be those things, but people know what they are... no one is bragging about partying with a car salesman in Vegas and no one is trying to kiss his ass.


hahaha... forgot that one. jesus... .how many announcements like that have we seen since the beginning? the unemployable are always gonna revolutionize the content business.. revolutionize billing... gonna change the face of paysites for ever... create a whole new business model that people are going to be blown away by blah blah blah.

where is Melody aka "Billing Guru", Ialien or KB and all the other nomads/misunderstood geniuses when we need them?
:1orglaugh

you forgot to tell everyone that you were going into 'mainstream'!

brilliant :1orglaugh

Almost a year after leaving WEG and I'm living in a cardboard box :(