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Why can't I own a Canadian?!

From: http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/...ian_10-02.html

Quote:

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

That's hillarious beyond words. No doubt she did not respond.

interesting reading...

just the title made me LOL :1orglaugh

hahahahaha i love it :)

The answer to these is that the new New Testament abolishes most Old Testament laws. But the New Testament confirms that homosexual activity is an abomination etc. so they use what they want to use.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spunkmaster

The answer to these is that the new New Testament abolishes most Old Testament laws. But the New Testament confirms that homosexual activity is an abomination etc. so they use what they want to use.

Ah, but it's all made up by primitive stinky sheepherders and shamans anyway.

*sighs* Why people worship anything but the robotic god Archiot I’ll never know. Archiotism is the only true religion of peace and through Archiot shall you find peace and tranquility through his mechanical touch.

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabook

*sighs* Why people worship anything but the robotic god Archiot I?ll never know. Archiotism is the only true religion of peace and through Archiot shall you find peace and tranquility through his mechanical touch.

i agree...robot gods are way cooler then fake ones anyway

i'm putting this on my blog... classic

That's awesome :1orglaugh

I hate that Dr. Laura, what a cunt. My grandmother listens to her all the time and whenever I'm visiting I just get frustrated. She's got these crying pregnant teens calling in for advice and the only thing she can say is "shoulda thought of that before getting knocked up".

tough combo being a psychologist and a religious zealot...but somehow laura tries to carry it off...

she was a lot more fun when she still ate pork.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAMOKAT

i'm putting this on my blog... classic

Made my day!

Quote:

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Canadians don't make for good slaves. All we know how to do is shovel snow, drink all your beer and watch hockey.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

Canadians don't make for good slaves. All we know how to do is shovel snow, drink all your beer and watch hockey.

Stop bragging! No one in my house knows how to shovel snow except me, and I'm the only one in my house who's NOT a Canadian.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CDSmith

Canadians don't make for good slaves. All we know how to do is shovel snow, drink all your beer and watch hockey.

Don't forget about the bacon and that we only know how to build igloos...

To answer your question..

Because of gay marriage, and most Canadians are now going to be married gays (according to dubya and harper) and Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination, you would be harboring an abomination.

Yes to all of it Shana Tova!

Good stuff, lev is rather outdated and far to many people have selective reading with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by willow

It's not all bad...
http://www.subgenius.com/

http://www.subgenius.com/Graffix/dobbs.jpg

Nice video! :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by spunkmaster

The answer to these is that the new New Testament abolishes most Old Testament laws.

God changed His mind?

I thought this needed a bump today.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spunkmaster

The answer to these is that the new New Testament abolishes most Old Testament laws. But the New Testament confirms that homosexual activity is an abomination etc. so they use what they want to use.

while u are correct from the christan standpoint, we're talking about orthodox jew here.
they only accept the torah (1st 5 books of old testament written by moses)
so to ortho jews these rules still stand firm

hey discussing religion always end in tears!

I didn't know she was still on the air. More shock value in her then in Stern.

i want to own an asian.. then i would fight him like jet li in unleashed

Quote:

Originally Posted by coolegg2

God changed His mind?

Awesome post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by american pervert

i want to own an asian.. then i would fight him like jet li in unleashed

Bastard!

Don't ridicule the word of God, because the Good Lord has a heart for us sluts and porn dogs.

"I will not punish your daughters when they play the harlot or your brides when they commit adultery." Hosea 4:14

LOL.... Now that is a funny read
thanks for the laughs :thumbsup