New products at shows: "we are going to change the way the internet works."
 

I love doing business at shows, however, these days, you always have a few "interesting" characters swing by your booth / cabana and propose that they are going to change the way the internet does business.

Having shared stories at the show with a few people, I thought I would share one of mine here.

http://www.midgetarmy.com/2006/07/20...-of-sacrifice/

While at the XBIZ Show at The Hard Rock in Las Vegas last week, my good friends from Playboy and the company I work for held down a couple of poolside cabanas each day. We just wanted to have an area dedicated to showing our clients, potential clients and friends a deep level of hospitality. This specific weekend in Vegas occurred during what has been one of the hottest heatwaves across the US in years, raising temperatures to nearly 120 degrees poolside.

The following is a true story based on actual events::::::::::

Eric from Playboy yells out my name and tells two guys that I am the one they should see. I turn and look, see the two guys, both making eye contact with me, and I approach with a handshake and an introduction.

Before I even get out of my mouth my job title, one of them says,

?Actually, we are going to need your business card.?

Fine I thought. So I move back through the crowded cabana and I reach into my daybag and get out a business card, turn and move back through the cabana back towards the guys. As soon as I get back, the guy who asked for the business card is now on his cell phone and gives me ?the hand.?

I don?t even care that much about getting ?the hand,? but for Christ sake, it is fucking 120 degrees out here, I don?t want to get stuck standing away from the mister for too long. I try to talk to his partner, but he nods in defiance of speaking.

After about 20 seconds, the guy gets off his cell (of course, that was after he declined a million on something).

?Ok, ?.um?..?

He pauses, looks back down at my business card.

?Cory! We want to do some business with your company.?

?Sounds great, what do you have in mind??

I reply.

?Well now, that depends on how your operation runs, this is why we came to see you.?

?When you say you want to know ?how our operation runs,? can you be more specific? Is this a deal on the processing level? Hosting??

?Cory, we want to know what your company [long pause, eyes on business card] Weg does.?

?Ok, so you basically want to do business with a company that you do not know what it does??

The two guys smile at each other.

?You got it Cory! We have a product that is going to change the way the Internet works! We are going to change the landscape of the way business is done online! Forever!?

And there it was. I had been waiting. It was like finding out you have chlamydia after spending 2 years in Vietnam, you just kind of knew it was coming.

?What does your product do? It must be versatile considering you don?t know what ours does.?

I said, and patiently waited as he and his pal eyed each other with smiles, pretending as if they just couldn?t hold back celebrating in our cabana, which was now standing strong at about 122 degrees. They looked at each other as if I was just too aloof to their greatness.

?We can?t tell you yet. We would need you to sign an NDA. But, why don?t you tell us what your product does.?

?In general terms? We make porn sites. Webmasters send traffic to those sites. We pay them.?

?Ok, Ok, NOW we are getting somewhere! Now, how do you get those webmasters to send you traffic????

?We pay them.?

?That is AWESOME Cory! In fact this is so much awesomeness that I think we need to have a meeting! Do you have an extra cabana we can use so that us three can sit down for a while??

He and Silent Bob looked at each other, highly anticipating my response.

?I am so confused, but please, what are we going to meet about? Did I miss something??

?No Cory from Weg, you did not miss a thing. We want to get to know you and how your product works so we can make you millions.?

?But you are going to have to tell me something about what you do.?

They giggle. The temperature now feels like 141 degrees. My back is sweating. I am pretty sure I see Christy Brinkley rise from the Hard Rock pool in the distance. The heat was getting to me.

Then his phone rings, I get the hand and am left standing with silent bob. I give him a look of frustration. I kind of wanted to torture him into talking, I think I was becoming delusional from the heat.

The other guy returned.

?Cory, we can?t just tell you how our operation runs. Do you think you are the first person to try to get in on our product so quickly? No way, every cabana we visit we get companies constantly asking us ?what we do.??

?Look man, it is really hot. I think I might be melting. In fact, I think I might be slightly delusional. Maybe you guys (or you) should email me sometime.?

I looked around the cabana. I kind of wanted to find some water and some peodi, in that order. I wanted to make my body feel as though it were floating away from this situation; but I didn?t want to dehydrate.

I looked towards the sky, it began to rain briefcases and men?s warehouse suits. Everything became blurry. I became nauseas.

?Cory, this is a HUGE opportunity for you. I suggest you focus a little less on our product and a little more on what it is that you guys can do for us.?

Fuck. My left hand melted completely off. I became frightened. I have been doing shows for years, I have been inundated with sale?s pitches at all of them, but for the first time in my life, I was potentially going to die while being pitched a product that?s only function is to ?change the way the internet works.?

Had they intended this happen?

I drank some water. No one could find a peodi shaman in the cabana.

?Look dudes, it was great speaking with you. You both really seem to be on the fast track for success. However, I am potentially going to melt and my insurance does not cover melting, so I need to go.?

Silent Bob looked at his counterpart, anticipating he would seal the deal.

?But Cory from Weg?this is an AWESOME opportunity!?

I didn?t want to do what I did next. Truth be told, I still feel bad. But sometimes at shows, you have to make tough decisions. If you can?t make tough decisions, you don?t belong. I knew a sacrifice had to be made.

?Dudes, have you ever heard of a company called Adult Friend Finder? They are huge. I have to go, but you should find Sean or Lars. They both have business cards.?

I never found any peodi.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

That is too funny

Are you serious ? :1orglaugh

HAHAHAHA
Always enjoy reading your stories.

Grat read....lol

The core part, yes. I could not believe they would not tell me the product.

When the other guy requested that I get a private cabana, I was in total shock.

PICTURE THIS: PORN THAT WATCHES YOU! you'll make billions

boohoohahaha


ill have double of what ever he was smoking

Sounds like alot of people I have met, always willing to hear what you do, and never wanting to reveal what they do.

Oh yes, and every new company has an innovative new product that will change everything. :thumbsup

That's just too funny. :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I mean, if you are still in the NDA stage, why even talk to people?

How long would it have taken these guys to just gather the business cards, go upstairs and type in the urls and then break down which companies they want to sell to?

holy shit, what a funny read

btw, it is peyote...and I want some too!

http://www.canmag.com/images/front/m...meninblack.jpg


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

you're about 15 minutes nicer than i coulda been in that heat. almost like mr. 19 million uniques a day i met in ft. lauderdale. actually i was pretty nice to that joker until he assaulted the girls.

LMAO. The porn business is just so full of people like that.

Thank you, believe it or not, I searched for the spelling for about 15 mintues and gave up.

I am on a lot of percocet for my knee.

Making the change on the site now!

lol, nice story :)

lol, sounds like you melted really fast..

just start bringing the midget army to the shows with you. think of how much fun those guys coulda been at that show. lol. shit i woulda hired em to keep the music nazi's away from me at the dj booth. :1orglaugh

dude, send me some of those percs!!! haha

all I have is some valium around here, and those things make me sleep for 2-3 days

lol that was great

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :thumbsup

They had been baking in the sun for too long.

You have much more patience than I. I would have told him to forget it after he was begging for my attention and had the nerve to give me "the hand".

"The hand" is something you can give friends, or maybe a stranger requesting your time... not somebody YOU are soliciting.

hahaha, what a great exit :)
That's probably what Eric did to you, pass off the spam to someone else and you did the same, lol.
WG

Wonder if they ever found Lars. LOL

:1orglaugh That was hilarious. I feel your pain Cory. I hate having conversations with people where I feel like I'm going to let out an uncontrollable scream. It happens at every show.

I'm glad you didn't melt! :winkwink:

I think people these days actually believe what they are saying. The Internet is still such a new medium, that when people come up with ideas, they don't truley realize that it has been thought of (tried) countless times.

They really believe in their heart of hearts that they are doing you a favor.

Every Show!!!!!

haha

Great seeing you, Jake and Julie. Love hanging out with all of you. Tell Jake I am sorry our conversation at 40 deuce got cut short. :(

I love reading your stories, great read.
Funny as hell, thanks for sharing that.

lol, what a riot!

At least it wasnt silent but deadly bob

Cory from WEG. i hate you. i will get revenge

Holy shit, i thought the same exact thing when i was reading it!

It was great seeing you too!
I think everyone's conversation was cut short when the bootie shaking started - haha.
We'll have to hook up in Florida! :winkwink:

ill be in FL searchin for Cory nda in hand

Cory That Was Fucking Funny.

ROFL I love that.
I've gotten that a few times.
"I have a great idea but I can't tell you. Can we talk about how you can promote it on your site and maybe invest in it????"

You can talk to my bodyguard.

http://midgetarmy.com/pornstar/at_am..._5_6_04_18.jpg

Thanks bro.

Lars has me on ignore now.

Great story Cory! Fun to read, too bad custserv accused me of cheating on your program before I even got a chance to promote it with one click! Would of loved to do business with you seeing how I know what you do.

What?

Hit me up with the username.

You gotta give Eric credit for dumping, err introducing you to those guys...

Eric 1 Cory 0

at first i thought they were going to take you in :( the cell phone call after confirmation and the non talking shadow for backup is not a good sign lol

Classic! Have heard a few like that over the years. As part of having an ad agency, my personal favorite line from shows generally revolves around a new person doing a small test buy (which we always do and always recommend to first time clients). What most people end these conversations with however is great - if the test works out, we will buy all of your traffic, everything!

Literally dozens upon dozens have said this very thing over the years, yet few of these folks bother to ask whether or not we would be interested in selling 'all' of our inventory to one company, even potentially displacing current customers.

We always found that request to be odd as if we were willing to do this once, wouldn't we do it again? This would always put current clients at risk everytime a new one runs a small test.

I have wondered at times if there is some 'get into the online porn business' infomercial that people outside the industry get to see before they come to a trade show as many of the assertions made sound strangely similar after a while.

:1orglaugh

I didn't really mean to put Cory in this situation. These guys approached me after someone sent them my way. When they asked me for a business card I told them Cory was the guy to talk to cause I was not authorized to make any decisions.

That and I was neck deep in the pool when the approached me. They must have been desperate to think I would have a business card with me in the pool.

Sorry Cory, but it did make for a good story later in the evening when we were in the refreshingly cold air of the casino.

You know Scott, I think I may have said I would like to buy all of your traffic. :winkwink:

great story cory....I always dump people like that on whoever is the "new guy" at our booth.

:thumbsup

LOL dont be scared they were just trying to sell you amway. Or maybe they wanted you to join their cult of Christian scientologist.

haha

Man, I saw you standing outside of Starbucks in Hard Rock but you were talking to someone. Then tried to say hi later and you were gone :(

haha they wanted your card in the pool? No doubt, these were the same guys!