Why Superman Returns sucked!, and how it could've been good [spoiler]
 

DISCLAIMER: If you didn't see it yet, don't read this. It'll ruin the movie for you.

If someone else made these comments earlier, I apologize, I haven't been on the board in a while, I just saw the movie an hour ago and have to vent a bit about this piece of crap before I grab the theater owner and shake my $13.00 form his dumb vest wearing ass.
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Anyway...I thought this movie was the biggest blunder in superhero/high special effect movies history. Worst than that fuck up of a "filler" movie Matrix III was. Here's why.

#1) They give away the fact that the kid is superman's son waaaay to early. The whole fuckin time I'm waiting for the kid to spring into action, saving them all and become the new superhero to eventually succeed his father yet the kid doesn't do a damn thing. Bad move having him throw the piano 2/3's into the Movie, and then being able to do nothing the rest of the movie (except the life giving kiss which I'll address in a second). fuckin stupid.

#2) They have Superman "save the day" waaaay too goddamn early in the movie, Him carrying the big chunk of earth into outer space foiling luthers plans should be saved for the last fifteen minutes of the movie in a heart-thumping turn of events that makes your adrenaline flow and you say "FUCK YES!!!!" under your breath. Not this B.S. that the end of the movie is this "will he live or not" crap, and then wooopeee he is still alive yaaaay. very gay and disappointing. It was almost a chick flick for christ sakes.

Now I'm no director, but Here's how I think the superman movie should gone.

First off, no hint of the kid having super powers at all until superman is in the hospital (maybe the comment by Luther just to place some doubt). Anything earlier just leaves you waiting for the kid to do something.

Second, The defeat of superman by lex should have ended him up in the hospital directly and with Luther still winning in his plans, None of that shit with the regular guy going back with his sea plane to save him, not believable and boring.

Now, with Lex about to take over the world and superman almost flat lined back home(Maybe even not almost flat lined...maybe dead, period), Louis cries over him and kisses him...nothing happens of course. Then the kid runs up kisses superman (Maybe you hear [in superman's head], Superman's father say something to do with what would happen if he has a half human son or something) and POW! the flat line shows beats, the machine starts beeping, his eyes open (music cues in) everyone gasps...the kid IS superman's son! He stands up, brushes himself off and say's, to the shocked Louis, kid and few people that have rushed into the room "I'd love to stick around, but I have some unfinished business to take care of". Now, he flies straight up through the fucking movie, zooms at amazing speed back to the island, slams underground, throws it into outer space (with some trouble from the Kryptonite, but barely making it OK). He foils luthers plans and saves the day in a heart thumping score of the full blown superman sound track making you jump out of your seat with fist raised "Fuckin A!" Then you can of course have your little scene of how Lex ends up stranded on the island for humor reasons.

AND THEN...at the end have the little scene where is talks to the sleeping kid, pronounces and confirms that the kid is his, and he flies off into the night, Looks to the screen like we expect, and the credits come up. You walk out wanting to be him if you are a guy, and "wanting" him if you are a woman.

Remember Superman two, where he crushes Zod's hand and the music Cues in...your adrenaline rushes and heart beats fast, it all makes sense! He tricked them using Luther. That's what i'm talking about! That didn't happen in this "half-a-fag" movie they are pawning on us as a new superman movie!

I walked out less than impressed, thinking the best part of the movie was the machine gun scene. And, wondering why in gods name he had to be away for five years in the first place...two thumbs down!

That's my two cents. Any thoughts?

I can only agree. Big waste of nearly 3 hours of my life. What a fucking boring cheeseball of a movie.

I also always wish Clark would come out and tell Lois he's fucking Superman...I mean come on, how could she not know? As if the glasses really change his appearance. That's just one of those things that has always driven me crazy about Superman.

I should have seen Pirates of the Caribbean instead, damn it.

Same EXACT thought, Pirates of the Caribbean was playing in the next theater over. I am kicking myself. What pissed me off most was that with those few plot changes I might have liked it. Those fuckers!

Maybe you should be...good ideas. I agree with them mostly.

Total waste of time - i looked at my watch in dismay at one point to find there was still 1 hour left, i really wanted it to end but....... it just kept going.

I was done at the 1.5 hr mark...wasted my time.

my girl had to wake me up 3 times cause i was asleep and snoring

fuck superman...that movie was WAYYY too long

I thought it was good, but could of been better. I think alot of this will tie into the next movie. :2 cents:

Thing is...I won't go to the theater to see the next one because of the directing on this one was so bad...i'll wait for cable TV.

i predicted it would suck donkey balls, and this thread is part of the proof that im right.

okay i will read it after i see the flick..

Mr. Romance

just watched it on DVD ..good copy but it was way too long and had tons of slow parts ... they even re-shot old scenes like when he fly her around the city and it wasn't needed .. I expected better ..:2 cents:

damn.. no wonder I am not to excited to see it... so my thoughts were so just right. Brandon isn't that man of steel enough to take the role.. kinda soft... :(

I guess it will be a rental for me lol

I didnt like it either

:1orglaugh !! I still wanna see it at the cinema :)!!

but if everything played out how you wanted it to, you (and everyone else) would be complaining that the movie was way too cheesy and predictable....