1,000 Posts! - A Serious Question about Superman's Sperm
 

So this week has been stupidly crazy for me, from working like a mule (not a sexy mule mind you) all week to the peak of me nearly getting my foot cut off from my new lawn mower (look, they expect you to read a manual to properly operate the machine, manuals are miniature books!), it's just been a overly crappy time. Well I finally got to go see Superman Returns with a friend and we got into a highly gay debate about Superman's... sperm. Keep in mind that everything below would fall into the SPOILER category, so if you haven?t seen Superman Returns, just don't read any further. Unless you like sperm. Then you can keep reading.

Being an avid superman comic book fan for the majority of my life, I was quite perplexed by Superman having a child with Lois Lane. It wasn't a problem at first as from Superman II we all know that Superman was temporarily powerless and banged Lois like a set of expensive drums, but regardless throughout the movie (Superman Returns) we are questioning whether or not the kid is Supe's or not. Well in Superman Returns, towards the 2.5ish hour mark we actually find out that the kid is his because the kid goes apeshit and murders a guy (now that's going to fuck up his psychology) by throwing a piano at the dude... so now we are 100% certain the kid is his.

Ok, so this is where the debate began. Since there are only three really established ways to kill Superman, those being Kryptonite, Magic, and Gargantuan amounts of pure physical strength (ala Doomsday), we can assume then that all of Superman's cells are near about completely immortal. So Superman bangs Lois, shoots her full of billions of sperm (hell, this is superman bitch, TRILLIONS of sperm). Since then all of his cells are immortal, wouldn't this make it so that his sperm would forever be inside of her, continuously impregnating her again and again and again after each pregnancy? So shouldn?t she have five super brats hanging around?

Well... this debate probably would have continued but it was turning super gay. I never got into my final closing arguments about whether or not super abortions could have been used to terminate her future pregnancies by using kryptonite laced cannula or nice pair of kryptonite forceps. Oh well, maybe during the next Superman movie they will get into the many super abortions she had to endure to get rid of all those half kryptonian freaks.

thanks and :( Sperm rocks, straight or not god damn it :mad:

Congrats on the first k

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

congratz book lover

Congrats!!!:thumbsup

I'm not sure what your buddies opinion was but I'm gonna chime in here.

Since Superman is an alien, wouldn't his sperm be foreign to her body? It would be like injecting her with say ... horse sperm. Sure it would make it's way to the final destination, but her body would reject it, super sperm or not? So the entire first child would be an impossiblity? But this is of course fiction and ANYTHING is possible. Just my :2 cents: I guess.

congrats on first K!

congrats man!

:thumbsup

Yeah, we got into all that shit like geeky geeky nerds. From Superman II, it looked as though he was 'technically' turned into a human for a limited time, which during which he banged her and got her preggo, but since the kid obviously has super powers from throwing the fucking piano like a rock he's half kryptonian, which means at least superman's sperm was unaltered from being kryptonian. And yeah he is a different species so chances of them successfully mating are almost none, and even if successful the kid would almost certainly be sterile. But hey, Superman's sperm is after all super, maybe he's just that badass that he can create kryptonian half-breeds with anything he fucks... even toasters.

http://i6.tinypic.com/16jmzp3.jpg

Congrats!!!

Gay Gay Gay.

congrats on 1k.

All your questions have been answered by Larry Niven in Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.

Congratz on 1k!

Congratz on 1k!

Well done on the 1k :P

congrats...:)

congratz rat boy

congrats :)

congrats on your 1k post

congratz on the 1k, you win a free tshirt :)

Congrats on your 1K

Congratulations

congrats :thumbsup

Congratulations!

good job :thumbsup

Congrats on the 1k!
BTW, hasn't this been debated before? Like as in "Mallrats":
Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child? T.S.: Sure, why not? Brodie: He's an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!

I guess guys everywhere worry about superman sperm!!

lmao... nice :thumbsup , I never saw mallrats, will have to rent it now hahaha. Superman's sperm is very interesting to debate it seems.

:thumbsup Congrats :thumbsup

no such thing as a "serious question about Superman's sperm"

Liar. All true superman fans want to know about his super sperm.

congrats!
i am sure He is unique

congrats on the 1k.

i mean i am sure he is sterile.

Congrats on the 1000 posts mate

lol.. such a long way to read too :upsidedow


btw, congrats!

congratz

No egg is produced after conception and pregnancy begins. So im pretty sure the sperm cells would make their way out during childbirth. :2 cents:

bump for super sperm...

the ultimate breeder. hmmmmmmmmm.

:1orglaugh

I will be posting this on my blog. Thread of the month.

Congrats!!

Move outta da' way! Spread out! Let a genius in here!

Being as I worked for DC Comics and we asked this question let me give you the rundown.

NO. If Superman let loose a sperm cell it would destroy the world. It almost happened in an issue of Superman where while he was subjected to a short burst of kryptonite he cut his finger and a white blood cell got loose and started absorbing people like the Blob. So, if he let loose a sperm cell or billions of them Lois would be dead.

However, Superman is an alien. He may not expell billions of sperm like we do and instead just one mighty Kryptonian nut. Yet according to the laws of DC Comics that would have killed a mortal woman.

The only way for Lois and Superman to conceive a child safely was to have used any number of his Kryptonian devices in his Fortress of Solitude to make him mortal long enough for gestation to occur. Originally Superman didn't have his super powers until he started growing up. It's not like in Superman I he arrived on Earth and could pick up trucks.

Anothr explanation is that Kryptonians don't breed like we do and use another means. That one I wouldn't want to draw.

It's alluded to in most Superman stories that we humans are the descendents of Kryptonians. That's why when Jor El told the counsel that they should escape Krypton by using spaceships he was forbidden. It was because in their past the Kryptonians had gone to Earth and other worlds acting like Gods and fucking things up. So in essence we're Kryptonians so the genetic bases are still there.

Anyway, Supes could have pulled off the pregnant thing. Or......in the movie Luthor puts a combined Kryptonian crystal near the kid. It may have given him temporary super powers. Some Kryptonite can do that. It may only work on kids.

When it comes to comics, there's always a logical explanation to illogical events.

That's pretty interesting. I never read or heard anything about Kryptonians coming to earth in the past and founding the race or anything like that.

The thing I always believed about superman's sperm was that it would kill lois by shooting right through her if he came though. Him giving up his powers and becoming powerless in Superman II would explain why or how he could get her pregnant and as long as it didn't change his dna it would also explain why the kid has some similar powers...although I still hope they kill the kid in the next movie, if they make a next one.

You used to work for DC?

Congrats!