GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - Reasons why you don't fuck with Uncle Jessie

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1) Uncle Jesse invented Tetris.

2) Uncle Jesse has a hot wife on television AND in real life.

3) Uncle Jesse wears cowboy boots AND tight black jeans at the SAME TIME.

4) One time, Uncle Jesse pushed Joey Gladstone down the stairs...just to watch him fall!

5) Uncle Jesse beat up your father, and most of your uncles.

6) Uncle Jesse never bought his wife tampons (on television or in real life).

7) Uncle Jesse parties with David Hasselhoff all day, every day!

8) Uncle Jesse keeps his room at a toasty 78 degrees.

9) Uncle Jesse always got more Halloween candy than his brother.

10) Contrary to popular belief, Uncle Jesse and Danny Tanner were NOT friends.

11) Uncle Jesse hates Ovaltine.

12) Uncle Jesse has never had the flu.

13) Uncle Jesse enjoys Backgammon.

14) Uncle Jesse is the spokesperson for Nerf.

15) In 1992, Uncle Jesse was MVP on the Japanese "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" National

Championship Team. He was always the orange hippo.

16) Uncle Jesse once bowled a 374.

17) Uncle Jesse is a Republican.

18) Uncle Jesse despises Weezer. As a matter of fact, Weezer tried to get "The Rippers" to tour with them, and Uncle Jesse gave them all atomic wedgies. ALL of them.

19) Uncle Jesse shops at Value City.

20) There are streets named after Uncle Jesse in 37 of the 50 states (Idaho is currently in the process of approving legislation to be the 38th state).

21) Uncle Jesse invented peanut butter.

22) Uncle Jesse enjoys trading on eBay.

23) Uncle Jesse has never gotten a speeding ticket. In fact, Uncle Jesse issues speeding tickets to police officers.

24) There are 23,456,765,789 blades of grass on Uncle Jesse's front lawn.

25) Uncle Jesse never rewinds video tapes he rents from Blockbuster. There is nothing they can do about it.

26) Uncle Jesse has 20/20 vision.

27) Uncle Jesse's favorite dinosaur was Stegosaurus.

28) Uncle Jesse has not seen Star Wars. In fact, Uncle Jesse TP'ed George Lucas' house

29) Uncle Jesse hates Old Navy Commercials.

30) Uncle Jesse's P.O. Box # is 347.

31) Uncle Jesse loves Tootsie Pops.

32) Uncle Jesse hates DEVO.

33) Uncle Jesse did not invent Crystal Pepsi.

34) Uncle Jesse prefers Campbells soup over other brands.

35) Uncle Jesse has no problem eating bagged cereal.

36) Uncle Jesse never has to pay roaming charges.

37) Uncle Jesse's abs glow in the dark.

38) Uncle Jesse is the former mayor of Chooch, Nevada.

39) Uncle Jesse doesn't pay for the vowels he buys on "Wheel of Fortune," nor does he have to phrase his answers in the form of questions on "Rock & Roll Jeopardy."

40) Uncle Jesse owns stock in TANG.

41) Uncle Jesse stole his teachers lunch money in 5th grade.

42) Uncle Jesse never gets pop-ups or spam while surfing Elvis websites.

43) Uncle Jesse took home a glowing piece of the Aggro-Crag on Nickelodeon GUTS. He beat out 10-year-old Brian "The Dodger" Rogers and 9-year-old Sean "Smiley" Riley.

44) Uncle Jesse wears wool mittens instead of gloves in the winter time.

45) Uncle Jesse is always regular.

46) Uncle Jesse always has the right of way at four-way stops.

47) "Dr. Pepper" was named after Uncle Jesse

48) Uncle Jesse hates Maxim magazine.

49) Uncle Jesse hates people who work in advertising, marketing, and skeleton cleaning.

50) Uncle Jesse killed Dawson's father on Dawson's Creek. Then, he shat in the creek.

51) Uncle Jesse has never had a concussion.

52) Uncle Jesse prefers Mr. Sketch markers to Crayola. His favorite color is "Uncle Jesse's Hair."

53) Uncle Jesse has a wireless mouse.

54) Uncle Jesse cut his coach from his high school football team.

55) There are 47 pandas named Uncle Jesse in the San Diego area.

56) Uncle Jesse puts his pants on two legs at a time.

57) Uncle Jesse can move out of home base without rolling a 6 in Pop-O-Matic Trouble.

58) Uncle Jesse owns the patent on Corey Feldman.

59) When Uncle Jesse wants Raspberry Lemonade...it comes.

60) Uncle Jesse's solar-powered calculator works at night.

61) Uncle Jesse has triple-sided tape.

62) Dust has to wait in line to collect on Uncle Jesse's things.

63) Uncle Jesse has an Xbox 720.

64) Uncle Jesse invented nougat.

65) Uncle Jesse translates into Hindu eight separate ways.

66) Uncle Jesse's hair can throw better roundhouse kicks than Chuck Norris.

67) Uncle Jesse is friends with Vigo the Carpathian. They play Street Fighter together.

68) Uncle Jesse won the Daytona 500 on a Segway.

69) Uncle Jesse has a key to your city.

70) When Uncle Jesse signs a lease, they have to pay him a security deposit.

71) Uncle Jesse haunts ghosts.

72) Uncle Jesse flew a paper airplane around the world.

73) Uncle Jesse goes to the roof in the event of a tornado.

74) During takeoff, Uncle Jesse does not have to turn off his portable electronic devices.

75) Uncle Jesse let the dogs out.

76) Uncle Jesse refused to buy Becky a watch. Instead, he bought her a stove with a clock.

77) Uncle Jesse is the "Priority" in "Priority Mail."

78) You can legally park in a handicapped space. Handicapped just means that you're not Uncle Jesse.

79) Uncle Jesse's Harley doesn't need brakes.

80) Uncle Jesse can recharge non-rechargeable batteries. That includes Duracell.