I need some help (long read)
 

I know it?s weak to post about this under anonymous account. I don?t know why I?m posting this. I guess I just want to see what a large population of people might think. Maybe some of you will have creative suggestions on what I should do. See, I think I?ve finally accepted that I have a problem with alcohol. But in the process of finding out, I?ve hurt the girl I love.

I fell in love with a beautiful strong woman that has rocked my world over the last year of my life. She, to me, is seemingly my perfect woman. Of course she has flaws like everyone but this girl is special. We are so awesome together 95% of the time. The 5% of the time we?re not good together is when we?re drinking to excess. This is true especially of me. Alcoholism is in my family. My immediate family members have all wrestled with this issue to the point where now most of them don?t drink a drop.

Throughout my adolescent life I have drank recreationally just like most Americans. I was the typical ?get smashed on the weekend? kid. As I got older I turned into a clubber and got into heavy drinking. I am now 30 and when I go out drinking, although not more than once a week, I drink to excess. After I?ve been drinking for about 6 hours I turn into a total asshole which I know is not a good sign.

I?ve always written off my drinking as recreational and not bad but lately I?ve noticed a pattern in myself. When I turn into the alter ego asshole I start fights with my girl. Some of these fights have been extreme. Last night I turned into him again and did something bad. In the process of the fight she was talking shit to me, pushed me a few times, and put her finger on my nose and said ?get the fuck out of my face.? I did not hit her but when I had a rush of anger I spit in her direction. It was not a lugie but it was a spray of spit. She sat there in shock after me doing this. She could not believe that I crossed that line. I don?t believe it either. Now that I?m sober, I find my actions unacceptable. It?s like that wasn?t even me doing that but some other guy. She was not helping calm the fight but I went over the line. As a result, she moved out of my place today.

She moved back in with her sister and I am crushed. I find myself now in danger of losing the one girl I have truly believed that I could spend my life with. There is no doubt in my mind that she is a keeper. All day, all I could think about was living without her. I can?t do it. I love her too much to let her go. I have to show her that I?m willing to change and that I will not be a raging alcoholic if we decide to settle down together. We had a plan to move in to a new place in about a month and all of that is now on hold.

I don?t even like drinking that much anymore. It?s not as fun as it use to be but I do it by force of habit. It seems like the only way to have fun in the U.S. is going out and getting smashed at the bars. I have hobbies but I?ve always been drawn to the nightlife of the bars.

I need some help, GFY. I need some ideas. I need a philosophy to get back to where I can be trusted to have a few beers and not drink to drunkenness. And I need some ideas on how to show her that I love her and that I can change. I told her that I will go cold turkey for a while but she just said ?time will tell if you can change.? I think I need to give her some time to heal and feel better. Then I have to show her something. What do you guys and gals think I should do? I know that there are a few of you that are experienced and may have some good ideas. :helpme

she moved out? She's already lost man. Even if she forgave yoyu, thsoe actions will haunt you until the stress drives you to go even further ona relapse. Trust me man, chalk this up as a lesson learned and get your fuckign drinking UNDER CONTROL.

THEN once you are in a better state mentally to actually have a relationship, find a new girl. She's not the only perfect girl for you, there are others. Youf ucked up and lso ther, now get well, stay well, and start over with someone new,

Again, lesson learned.

my advice is.........


chut.

i concurr :thumbsup

spitting on a bitch that's all up in your grill putting fingers on your face isn't crossing the line..

what's up madawgz?

Lets say I have a little expericene with this. I won't go into all the detail but, I was a lot like you at one time as far as the drinking goes. It never really caused a lot of problems for me until I was 38, then the shit hit the fan. I lost my drivers licence, a $80K year job, wife and for a while my kids. I look back and if i would have stopped when I first realized there was a problem I probably could have saved most all those things.

I have nothing against partying, I just got out of control and lost that privilage. If drinking causes you to be someone your not or don't want to be I'd say stop now. Your future actions will speak for themselves when it comes to your girl.

Good luck.

Be proactive. Go to AA meetings or something like that. If she sees that you are trying with something like that you just might have a shot with her again.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

thats not me

if you read it , this guy is american

I agree.

Get help with the drinking problem, until that's fixed nothing else will work.

Good advice

Yup, there's nearly a billion women in the age range you're looking for. As much as it may suck now it'll get better and another one will come along. My advice is sign up with an online dating service and once you start getting interest from other women you'll quickly forget the last one.

Then again I'm single so what do I know...