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NEW YORK (API) Reports today out of New York claim Tracie Windmere, a former two-bit whore in college, is now demanding respect from her longtime boyfriend and the men she cheats on him with.

While attending Penn State University, Tracie began seeing current boyfriend, John Veltri. Veltri, now working as a stockbroker, recalls the old days.

Back then, Trace was easy to please. Get her a pitcher of whatever was on special or a Redbull and Vodka and she was a sure thing! Now I have to drop at least $150 out at night to get her to come back to my place. And that doesnt guarantee anything!

This statement is based on the popular theory that every dime a man spends on a woman is spent towards the goal of at some point engaging in sexual intercourse. Once intercourse has been had, all money output on a males behalf is spent towards the promise of more intercourse. Women across the globe have long denied this theory, but through numerous case studies this is beginning to become a proven fact, with the implied outcome that all women are in fact money hungry whores.

The definition of a two-bit whore has been the source of heated debate. In this case, the two-bit whore in question is of the college variety and may or may not belong to a sorority. This variety has been known to be as easy to bed down as Wilt Chamberlain at the Playboy Mansion. Although there are several different variations in this grouping, the path is clear. The two-bit whore matures into a woman who seeks out platinum card carrying, Kobe beef-eating, striped shirt-wearing males. This woman is now dubbed the reformed two-bit whore.

You can cover a piece of shit with perfume, but it's still shit
Once a strict Miller Lite drinker, Tracie is now forcing her boyfriend to order Grey Goose Martinis. Veltri is bewildered at the change. I dont know what happened to her. She went from puking in the corner of a pizzeria after chugging jungle juice from a garbage can to only going to bars with bottle service and $200 table minimum! Confused and broke, Veltri cant seem to find the explanation for this apparent 180-degree turn made by his girlfriend.

Studies show the reformed two-bit whore trend is quickly becoming one of the nations deadliest killers of a twenty-something males bank account and pride.

Veltri agrees. I would respect her more if she would just stop trying so hard to impress whoever it is she thinks is watching and just get sloppy like she used to and give me a blow job in an Arbys bathroom. Is that too much to ask?

Tracies best friend, Julie Miller, responds, Tracie is like the best thing that could ever happen to John and she deserves to be respected by her boyfriend. Tracie would bend over backwards for him. But really, ladies, I mean come on! Everyone knows it is the guy's job to open doors, pay for stuff and drive us around.

Millers comments further support the mens defense and also indicate Miller as a two-bit whore herself. Veltri also points out for the record that he does not recall a time Tracie bent over backwards, no matter how drunk she was.

Windmere was unavailable for comments.