| bhutocracy |
04-30-2002 06:20 PM |
Arse & All
by Jim Provenzano
On April 1, 2001, Australian rugby player John Hopoate (pronounced "hop-o-wotty") announced his resignation from the West Tigers club. His resignation followed widespread publicity after the National Rugby League judiciary a week before handed down a 12-match suspension for unsportsmanlike conduct.
Hopoate, a winger, was suspended for jabbing his fingers into North Queensland players' anuses.
"I sincerely regret that anything I may have done has caused stress, anxiety and disappointment to everyone involved with the West Tigers," said Hopoate in a press statement. He didn't say anything about the stress on the anuses of his opponents. The burly Australian, born in Tonga, probably has very thick fingers.
"I am distressed to think that I have been the center of controversy creating intense media attention that has reflected adversely on the image and morale of the Wests Tigers Club."
To say nothing of being the butt of jokes worldwide. "The Vilest Act Ever!" spews reactionary Web site, Sportal.com. One Aussie newspaper cartoon depicts a ref being asked about how to "clean up the sport" in light of the anal incident. The ref's retort: "Rubber gloves for players."
In a recent Fox video clip, Hopoate is seen lying on the ground as an opponent squats over him, presenting what to any fired-up gent might seem a ripe target of friendly horseplay. Hopoate quickly thrusts two fingers up and around the edge of his opponent's shorts, apparently in an effort to upset the guy, or demean his manhood.
Fingered
Having had his digital entry captured on Fox Sports hastened the most recent scolding from sports officials. Hopoate's career is spotted with drunken fights, rough conduct on and off the field, and two other incidences of anal probes. Before a strong career with the Wests Tigers, he played for the Manly Eagles. Hopoate said his resignation had been accepted, and he would make no further comment on the matter.
"My only request is that my family and I be left to get over the events of this traumatic week and our privacy be respected," he told the press through his manager, a Mr. Wayne Beavis. Yes, after finger-fucking opponents on the field and on national television, a man deserves his private time.
Wests Tigers coach Terry Lamb had to explain why he and his players laughed at footage of Hopoate jamming his fingers up the backside of Dragons player Craig Smith. As the club was poised to sack Hopoate, Lamb told "The Sun-Herald" he thought the dirty tactics were "funny" when he saw footage at a club video session. Lamb and his team were increasingly amused as they watched the Smith incident several times.
"We thought it was just a gee-up," said Lamb. Readers may feel free to offer other examples of "gee-ups." I can think of a few. Mr. Lamb, however, has also been canned in light of his not admonishing Mr. Hopoate for his cornholing habits.
Two others players on the Wests team, Craig Field and Kevin McGuinness, have also faced heavy fines, but not for butt abuse. No, they're just drug addicts. How boring.
|
