Things not to do during sex
Things to not do during sex -
1. Break into "We are the Champions" upon reaching orgasm
2. Break into farm animal noises upon reaching orgasm
3. Utter all sexual exclamations in yiddish
4. Say you want to get into something a little more comfortable leave the room, come back dressed as -
a) a pilgrim
b) an astronaut
C) your mother (really funny if ur a guy)
d) the hamburglar
e) Mr. Rogers
5. During oral sex, mutter under your breath, "uh, oh......that can't be good."
6. During intercourse passionately shout out
a.) other names
b.) Muppets
c.) Barney songs
d.) all the members of the Angels team
7. Already be wearing a condom prior to disrobing.
8.three words: Condom balloon animals
9. Explain that you cannot perform sexually unless witnessed by Tom Selleck. Unveil giant picture.
10. insert William Shatner for Tom Selleck.
11.Calmly hand him/her goggles and bag of warm spinach. Say matter-of-factly. "All right. let's get started."
12. Yodel
13. add sensual foods to increase pleasure
a.) Sushi
b.) Sushi chef
c.) bagle and lox
d.) cheeseburgers
e.) broccoli
f.) cottage cheese
14. After sex remove condom and ask where she keeps the recycling bin.
15. Hum "Ballad of the Green Berets," gradually get louder as activity becomes more intense.
16. Scream out "Am I good child Mr. Priest"
17. Surround room with G.I. Joe action figures
18. take notes during all actions
19. Conduct play-by-play commentary in the voice and style of Howard Cosell
More Things not to do during sex ?
20. Stage Dive
21. Starting the wave
22. Mood Lighting ? Bright Spot light
23. Mood music ?
a)The muchkin song from Wizard of Oz
b) Leonard Nimoy's album
c) Shatner's
d) Darth Vader's imperial walk
24. More Sensual foods ?
a) Ludifisk
b) Mayonnaise (with cherries)
c) Coffee grounds
d) Ham (ofcourse in some instances)
e) Ham and fudge
25. Raising the roof
26. Pull out frozen fish sticks and stick them at either end of the bed. Scold them through out for not paying attention.
27. After he/she disrobes jump out of an available window screaming "There is no God"
28. Using Rogain as massaging oil
29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant
30. Narrate actions like Adam West
31. Wear Acid Wash Jeans
32. Provide Resume, Cover letter
33. Also include salary history and reference list
34. Wear a monocle
35. Post a huge picture of their mother on ceiling
36. Wear gloves
37. Erect a Candle Lit Shrine to Gary Coleman ? call him "The Messiah"
38. Substitute Mini Me (racist)
39. Demand payment for your pimp ? Mr. T
40. Air Guitar
41. Air Trombone
42. Scratch and Sniff
43. Locations ? treadmills
44. Wear swim Goggles
45. Wear a name tag
46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah"
47. Use Twinkie wrapper as a condom
48. Give a Eulogy
49. Cry Histerically
1. Break into "We are the Champions" upon reaching orgasm
2. Break into farm animal noises upon reaching orgasm
3. Utter all sexual exclamations in yiddish
4. Say you want to get into something a little more comfortable leave the room, come back dressed as -
a) a pilgrim
b) an astronaut
C) your mother (really funny if ur a guy)
d) the hamburglar
e) Mr. Rogers
5. During oral sex, mutter under your breath, "uh, oh......that can't be good."
6. During intercourse passionately shout out
a.) other names
b.) Muppets
c.) Barney songs
d.) all the members of the Angels team
7. Already be wearing a condom prior to disrobing.
8.three words: Condom balloon animals
9. Explain that you cannot perform sexually unless witnessed by Tom Selleck. Unveil giant picture.
10. insert William Shatner for Tom Selleck.
11.Calmly hand him/her goggles and bag of warm spinach. Say matter-of-factly. "All right. let's get started."
12. Yodel
13. add sensual foods to increase pleasure
a.) Sushi
b.) Sushi chef
c.) bagle and lox
d.) cheeseburgers
e.) broccoli
f.) cottage cheese
14. After sex remove condom and ask where she keeps the recycling bin.
15. Hum "Ballad of the Green Berets," gradually get louder as activity becomes more intense.
16. Scream out "Am I good child Mr. Priest"
17. Surround room with G.I. Joe action figures
18. take notes during all actions
19. Conduct play-by-play commentary in the voice and style of Howard Cosell
More Things not to do during sex ?
20. Stage Dive
21. Starting the wave
22. Mood Lighting ? Bright Spot light
23. Mood music ?
a)The muchkin song from Wizard of Oz
b) Leonard Nimoy's album
c) Shatner's
d) Darth Vader's imperial walk
24. More Sensual foods ?
a) Ludifisk
b) Mayonnaise (with cherries)
c) Coffee grounds
d) Ham (ofcourse in some instances)
e) Ham and fudge
25. Raising the roof
26. Pull out frozen fish sticks and stick them at either end of the bed. Scold them through out for not paying attention.
27. After he/she disrobes jump out of an available window screaming "There is no God"
28. Using Rogain as massaging oil
29. Using Tobasco as a lubricant
30. Narrate actions like Adam West
31. Wear Acid Wash Jeans
32. Provide Resume, Cover letter
33. Also include salary history and reference list
34. Wear a monocle
35. Post a huge picture of their mother on ceiling
36. Wear gloves
37. Erect a Candle Lit Shrine to Gary Coleman ? call him "The Messiah"
38. Substitute Mini Me (racist)
39. Demand payment for your pimp ? Mr. T
40. Air Guitar
41. Air Trombone
42. Scratch and Sniff
43. Locations ? treadmills
44. Wear swim Goggles
45. Wear a name tag
46. Have a midget stand motionless dressed like an Oompa Loompah right before orgasm have it scream out "Booyah"
47. Use Twinkie wrapper as a condom
48. Give a Eulogy
49. Cry Histerically
Comment